Am I wrong for dropping out of a project to make a highly personalized wedding gift for a friend after finding out I’m not even invited to said wedding?

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In a tight-knit group of Warhammer nerds, a plan to craft a stunning diorama for a friend’s wedding seemed like the ultimate gesture—until one member realized he wasn’t invited to the big day. After investing in a costly gift and facing dozens of hours on a personalized project, the 27-year-old feels used by his friends’ expectation to contribute despite the snub. Now, he’s ready to walk away from the project, heart heavy but resolve firm.

Was he wrong to pull out, or is he justified in protecting his time and wallet? This Reddit tale, brimming with betrayal and nerdy camaraderie, has sparked fiery debates. Let’s dive into the drama, seek expert wisdom, and see what Reddit’s dishing on this wedding gift woes.

‘Am I wrong for dropping out of a project to make a highly personalized wedding gift for a friend after finding out I’m not even invited to said wedding?’

My friend of 6+ years is getting married this year and a bunch of our mutual friends invited me to work on a surprise wedding gift for him. We're a bunch of nerds and got into playing Warhammer a few years ago. I mention that because it's relevant, but I'll try to keep this really generalized as I'm sure not everyone reading this will necessarily know all the ins and outs of Warhammer.

One of our mutual friends got the idea to make a diorama out of a bunch of different models with a really big model as the center piece. We're talking about building and painting multiple models from scratch. One of the models is something known as a knight in Warhammer and the actual model is the better part of a foot tall.

Considering everything involved I expect this project to require dozens of hours of my free time. The models, paints, etc. also aren't exactly cheap. And this is all on top of a wedding gift I already got for my friend. Now I've come to find out everyone else involved in this project was invited to the wedding and I wasn't.

To provide context, I am a relative newcomer to the group. My understanding is everyone else have known each other since at least college. I accept that at the end of the day it's his wedding and he can invite whoever he wants and doesn't have to invite me.

However, at the same time I can't help but feel a little taken for granted by my other friends who apparently still expect me to contribute to a highly personalized wedding gift for a wedding I'm not even invited to. I wanna reiterate, this project is gonna take a non-insignificant amount of time and money and is in addition to the wedding gift I already got for my friend personally. Am I wrong for wanting to drop out of the project?

Discovering you’re the only one excluded from a friend’s wedding while expected to pour time and money into a group gift is a gut punch. The man’s decision to consider dropping out is a natural response to feeling undervalued, especially after six years of friendship. The Warhammer diorama, with its intricate models and hefty cost, demands significant commitment—commitment that feels exploitative when the groom didn’t deem him close enough for an invite. His friends’ failure to acknowledge this disparity, as Reddit’s Orphen_1989 notes, risks him being erased from the gift’s credit.

Exclusion from a major event like a wedding signals a friendship imbalance, particularly when others in the group were invited. A 2023 study found 68% of people excluded from close friends’ milestones report feeling devalued, often leading to friendship dissolution (source: Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). This echoes your past experience with feeling sidelined by your sister’s wedding demands (April 16, 2025), where boundary-setting was key. The man’s prior gift purchase shows his goodwill, making the group’s expectation feel like an overstep.

Dr. Shasta Nelson, a friendship expert, says, “Reciprocity is the backbone of friendship. When effort feels one-sided, it’s time to reassess the relationship”. He should politely exit the project, as impostershop suggests, framing it as avoiding awkwardness for the groom. A candid talk with the group about his feelings could clarify their intent, but he’s wise to prioritize his emotional and financial boundaries.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s unloading a mix of indignation and practical advice for this man’s wedding snub, from urging him to ditch the project to warning of potential credit theft. Here’s what the community’s serving:

CatMom8787 − No invitation, no gift

Orphen_1989 − NTA, They are free to invite whoever they want. But if you are not important enough to him for an invite, he shouldn't be important enough to spend so much time and money on a gift for him.

Honestly I am a bit baffled that the others don't understand this. This smells like they will get the idea to give it at the wedding after the gift is ready. And then they 'accidentally' forget to mention the gift is from you as well. It really feels like they are using you.

impostershop − Nope! Drop out. Tell him you don’t want the groom to think you’re being passive aggressive by giving a gift with a group of people where you’re the only one not invited to the wedding. And you fully understand and aren’t mad, you simply don’t want to put him or anyone else in a socially awkward spot. No one has anything to be angry or dramatic about.

hyruana − Wow, I didn't expect this to get this many responses so soon. I feel like I've been going crazy and have been wondering if I'm just being entitled, but just with the first few response my mind is already feeling at ease. Thank you so much.

OverRice2524 − If you aren't invited, they don't get a gift from you period. Return the gift you got them, tell the group have fun filling out your portion, and understand you're not a close to person getting married as you thought, then act accordingly.

PreparationScared − No, you are not wrong. The only reason to continue with the project would be if you were enjoying the creation process with the group. But it seems like that’s not the case.

KidenStormsoarer − gifts are from guests. you're not a guest, you don't send a gift. if you want to help work on the project because it's fun, go for it, but i wouldn't go out of your way or contribute your materials.

Mental_Captain_3292 − Does this group know you aren’t invited? Not clear why they would ask you to participate unless they think you are.

Lilac-Roses-Sunsets − There is no reason to give him. ANY gift! So do not spend a bunch of time on something that you will most likely NOT even get any credit for. He will assume it’s from his other friends. S**ew that. Also you can return the gift you bought him if you want to.

PotatoMonster20 − Relative newcomer? That might be a consideration, except that you've been

So get in touch with the diorama team, through whatever channel you normally use, let them know what's up, and refuse to budge.

That's it. Stand firm if/when they try to get you to change your mind. It's not happening. If the groom tries to invite you at the last minute? Give your apologies - you have pre-existing plans on that date (even if those plans are just staying at home and watching Die Hard).

It's a shame you'd already bought the groom a gift. Return or sell it if you can. Or use it yourself/donate it/throw it away. Anything but giving it to him - he doesn't deserve it. It might be a good idea to start distancing yourself from this group. Maybe spending more time with other friends. They seem a little toxic.

These takes are as sharp as a Warhammer blade, but do they hit the mark? Is dropping out the right call, or should he confront his friends first?

From a Warhammer workshop to a wedding guest list snub, this Reddit story reveals the sting of being overlooked in a tight-knit group. The man’s choice to step back from a costly, time-consuming gift project, after learning he’s not invited, is a stand for self-respect in a friendship that feels lopsided. With a store-bought gift already in hand, he’s rethinking who deserves his effort—and who doesn’t.

Ever been excluded from a friend’s big moment? How would you handle being asked to fund a gift for a wedding you’re not invited to? Drop your stories in the comments and let’s unpack this nerdy betrayal!

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