Am I wrong for divorcing my husband that was cheating on me for half of our marriage? My oldest thinks so, as does my family?

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In a quiet suburban home, where laundry piles mirror emotional burdens, a mother’s decision to divorce her cheating husband sparked a family firestorm. For 14 years, she endured his betrayal, but walking away meant facing her son’s anger and her family’s judgment. His birthday, marked by his father’s absence, became a battlefield of tears and blame, leaving her questioning her choice.

Was she wrong to prioritize self-respect over a broken marriage? This Reddit tale, raw with pain and resilience, has ignited fierce debates. Let’s unravel the drama, seek expert wisdom, and hear Reddit’s take on this gut-wrenching family saga.

‘Am I wrong for divorcing my husband that was cheating on me for half of our marriage? My oldest thinks so, as does my family?’

My ex-husband of 14 years was cheating on me for around 7 of those years. I asked for a divorce and we have been divorced for two years. My ex just vanished after the divorce, does not pay children support ignores court dates. His parents blame me because they have not had contact with him also. My oldest blames me because he does not have contact with him.

Our two youngest seem to be the most understanding. Last week was our oldest birthday and for the second year in a row, his father was not present. The issue is he blames me, and yes my 13-year-old son made me cry. He said I am the worse mother ever, our lives suck because I put myself before the family. I get it on paper yes our lives were better, he was a s**tty husband but he did give his kids the entire world.

My mom even calls me dumb because she said as a mother I need to think of my kids first before myself. She claims I should have waited until the kids were 18, and sucked it up until then. Granted, she is still married to my father who not only cheated but has children with two other women my mother raised. I saw that life and lived it I wanted no part of it.

Our kids are in therapy the oldest is not adjusting his therapist told me he has some worrisome views regarding women, especially for his age. My two youngest did try to comfort me but I feel so hopeless. My child thinks I am a monster because of actions their father made. I know what I did was not wrong but also at the same, I feel guilty.

Yes, our s** life did tank after our third child was born, which was around the time he started to cheat. I just was not into it, he barely did anything around the house. He had the mindset his job was to provide and discipline. Everything else is obviously on me.

I knew if I divorced him he would do everything to avoid his responsibilities cause he was always open about how men should be free to do as they please while women should only be for one person, and if those women cannot fulfill their duties she is a failure. I tried but I just did not have it in me.

I am not sure what my intent is in this post, maybe I am just seeking validation because pretty much everyone around me thinks I am an i**ot. When your mother and child call you selfish it does give someone a moment of pause.. I feel as if I failed my kids.

Update: Thank you for the replies been reading them while I am doing the laundry. As some said yes I most likely was seeking some form of validation because I do not have much of a support system. That is something I will need to change not healthy to come to strangers on the internet to complain about my circumstances.

To answer some of the questions I saw, I apologize if I missed some. Why I married the guy? I was an i**ot and fell for the act and charm. My oldest does not know the details I was advised by his therapist to ease him into it because he is in a fragile state. I told him we just could not get along anymore but I will always love him and will always be here with him.

It was not my idea to be in such a situation where my youngest came and comforted me, and everyone was right I cannot let my child make me cry or show weakness around him. If I let him walk all over me he will do the same to other women. I am going to try and see about joining some support groups either in person or through Facebook or something.

Every poster is correct and got me thinking why do I stay in contact with my family they offer no value or support. I do need to get myself into therapy, I always come up with the excuse I don't have time but I need to make the time. As to the poster that mentioned I need a script 100% and I will be working on one and I will no longer entertain my son's behavior.

Of course, I will not yell or hit him, but I will let him know what he is doing is not okay and if he keeps it up then I will be taking things away from him. I know their therapist will be against this since they do not believe it is fair to punish him for his feelings, but his feelings are not right and need to change.

I am sure I missed many comments I do appreciate all the great advice and wisdom. I need that kick in the ass, I need to stop being a punching bag, how can I expect my child to respect women or myself if I have no respect for myself.. Much love, thank you again..

Divorcing a spouse who cheated for seven years takes guts, but when your son and family point fingers, it’s a punch to the soul. This mom’s choice was rooted in self-respect, yet her son’s blame and family’s criticism reveal a tangled web of loyalty and loss.

The OP’s son, at 13, channels his grief over his father’s absence into anger at his mom—the only parent still present. Her family’s stance, urging her to “suck it up” for the kids, echoes outdated norms that prioritize family unity over personal dignity. A 2023 study shows 65% of children of divorce struggle with parental loyalty conflicts, often misdirecting anger (source: APA).

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, says, “Children often blame the parent who’s there because it’s safer than confronting the one who left”. The OP’s son needs guidance to process his dad’s abandonment, not to vilify his mom. His troubling views on women, likely influenced by his father’s toxic beliefs, demand urgent attention through therapy or mentorship.

This speaks to a broader issue: supporting kids through divorce. The OP should set firm boundaries with her son’s disrespect, using clear consequences while validating his pain. Joining a support group, as she plans, can rebuild her confidence. For readers, open communication with kids—explaining divorce age-appropriately—helps.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s serving up a mix of tough love and empathy for this mom’s struggle, with users weighing in on her son’s behavior and her family’s nonsense. Here’s the community’s verdict:

BallantyneR − I’m going to say something that might sound a bit harsh, please understand that it’s intended to be helpful. You can’t let your 13 year old son make you cry. You can’t take verbal abuse from him and silently accept it. You need to put him in his place; you are his mother and he will not speak to you this way. If he does there will be consequences.

Follow through with those consequences. He lacks respect for women, then refuse to accept his disrespect. You have power, you are an adult, you are his mother. You wouldn’t allow your husband to keep disrespecting you by turning a blind eye to cheating on you, that takes strength, power, a sense of self-worth. So where is that self worth now? Tell your jumped up child that you’re not taking this crap from him, that it ends now.

You can do this, you already did once and you didn’t just do it for you, you did it to model the correct response to your children when you are betrayed. Where is that woman when it comes to dealing with your son? Straighten your spine, get your chin up and deal with this now. You are not some downtrodden mother who can’t deal with her children. Show your son that.

HellaShelle − Your eldest is concerning. The current climate is primed for him to go off the rails regarding women. I don’t think you’re wrong. Your ex, quite frankly, sounds like a POS and his parents are your mom similarly sounds like POS for not holding him accountable for his own actions.

Even with the cheating aside, being a s**t father has nothing to do with who either of you is sleeping with.  Have you attended therapy with your son? I don’t know how his therapist feels about things, but I find that having to explain a viewpoint can sometimes help people see why theirs is problematic.

Maybe having your son say out loud to you why he feels you should have been okay with being cheated on and if he thinks he should similarly be cheated on when he starts seeing someone will help him understand your viewpoint. And are you aware of what he’s looking at online? Internet incels can magnify already worrisome issues.

Amazing_Main_9963 − You didn't fail, their father did. Their father could have stuck around to take care of them but he didn't. He is the one that ruined everything not you. If your kids are upset about not having their father around it's because he chose not to be. You deserve to be with someone who respects you which he clearly didn't.

He sucked as a parent and a husband. You didn't chase him away he left on his own when he didn't get his way. I know it hurts but one day your kids will hopefully come to understand that it wasn't you that ruined everything but rather their dad who ran off abandoning them in the process.

grumpy__g − Your oldest needs therapy.. Your mother is a victim and i**ot.. Not wrong for leaving a man like him.

Ryujin-Jakka696 − Last week was our oldest birthday and for the second year in a row, his father was not present. The issue is he blames me, and yes my 13-year-old son made me cry. He said I am the worse mother ever, our lives suck because I put myself before the family. You are not wrong. Your kid is just that a kid...He blames you because you are the only one who is present to direct his anger towards.

I'm sure on the inside he likely knows his Dad is the bad person in this situation. My mom even calls me dumb because she said as a mother I need to think of my kids first before myself. She claims I should have waited until the kids were 18, and sucked it up until then. Granted, she is still married to my father who not only cheated but has children with two other women my mother raised.

So what you were supposed to live an unhappy life knowing what your pos husband was up to? Nah that's no life to l8ve and it's not your fault your mother chose to live that s**tty life. Yes, our s** life did tank after our third child was born, which was around the time he started to cheat. I just was not into it, he barely did anything around the house. Him cheating isn't on you. Perhaps if he helped out more then your attraction to him wouldn't have tanked.

He could've also stated that he wasn't happy with your s** life. I knew if I divorced him he would do everything to avoid his responsibilities cause he was always open about how men should be free to do as they please while women should only be for one person, and if those women cannot fulfill her duties she is a failure. I tried but I just did not have it in me.. That's a terrible and sexist mindset. He is likely responsible for your son's views on women.

RainbowUniform − Wait until your boy starts dating and gets thrown away for somebody else. Pubertys probably got him confused about everything and you're an easy target. Just be ready to support his emotions when he's ready and don't hold any of his beliefs now against him in the future.

When he's older he'll understand his dads lack of presence in his life was his decision. Sounds like your son needs a hobby and that gratification that comes with self improvement more than he needs a therapist (based on the little you've shared)

HeartAccording5241 − Nope explain to your son cheating is wrong and disrespectful and I hope when you get older you don’t accept or do it and tell your family let them have their partners disrespect them but you won’t

biteme717 − You are not wrong. I personally would tell your mom that she is a pushover and a doormat. I would tell my son that if his dad was a good person and wonderful dad that he would have remained in his life and would be here for him and his siblings. Tell your son that if he was important to his Dad that his Dad would be around..

I would also look for your ex on LinkedIn and every SM and let see what his Dad is doing and if his Dad is being a Dad to other kids. I'm sorry, but your mom and dad are pathetic, especially your mom, who evidently loves being a doormat. I would disown my family and ask my mom how many times she has kissed your dad's AP'S. I'm sorry, but this has really struck a nerve for me, and I bet your mom is behind your kids' attitude and behavior.

cpheonix19 − Your kids may not understand. But you definitely did the right thing.

ophaus − The only mistake you made was marrying that a**hole. You were not wrong to leave him, and are not responsible for his behavior. Do you have confirmation that he's alive? Why would he not contact his family?

These takes are raw, but do they hit the mark? Is the mom a hero for walking away, or could she have handled her son differently?

From a cheating husband’s betrayal to a son’s stinging words, this Reddit story shows how divorce can ripple through a family like a stone in a pond. The OP’s courage to leave a toxic marriage is a win for self-respect, but rebuilding her son’s trust and her own strength is the next battle. With therapy and boundaries, she’s ready to rewrite her story.

Have you faced blame for leaving a bad marriage? How do you help kids cope with an absent parent? Drop your experiences in the comments and let’s dive into this emotional journey!

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