Am I wrong for cutting MIL out of my life after she sent a mean text about me to me by mistake?

A sunny cruise filled with laughter should’ve been the perfect memory, but for one woman, it ended with a sting that cut deeper than a sunburn. Just as she was celebrating her daughter’s 15th birthday, a text from her boyfriend’s mother—meant for someone else—landed like a slap, calling her a “b**ch” and hinting her boyfriend was done with her. The shock left her heart racing and trust crumbling. Now, she’s weighing whether to sever ties with his mom for good.

This Reddit saga is a rollercoaster of betrayal, family drama, and a relationship teetering on the edge. With her boyfriend’s lukewarm reaction adding fuel to the fire, she’s questioning everything. Can she forgive the woman who’s been like a mother-in-law, or is this the final straw? Let’s dive into her story and see what Reddit and an expert think.

‘Am I wrong for cutting MIL out of my life after she sent a mean text about me to me by mistake?’

I’ve finally had enough. We went on a 5 day cruise and had a lot of fun together but as soon as we got home, everything was back to usual. The day we were coming home from the cruise, we had a 5 hour drive home. I reached over and rubbed his shoulder and his arm and leg several times during that drive. He did not ever touch me at all the whole time.

His reasoning was “I was tired and trying to drive.” Ok so you can’t drive and hold my hand at the same time? Or even just touch my arm for 2 seconds? I don’t buy it. THEN, the next night, I started stroking him and that mother fucker started SNORING!! So I looked up at him, he woke up and I asked him “are you falling asleep?” He said he was just relaxing.

5 seconds later, he’s snoring again. He denies falling asleep and says he was just relaxing. I tell him he was snoring and he doesn’t believe me and is making me feel like I’m imagining this. I’m just done. The love isn’t even there for me anymore. Tomorrow I’m talking with a lawyer and will probably hire her to partition the house because he’s refusing to sell.

He keeps thinking that I’m going to blow this off like I have in the past and when I bring up anything regarding selling the house or splitting bills, he gets upset. He’s currently out of state at a funeral. He told me today he loves me and I said “ok bye!”. He did not like that. Or sucks to feel like you’re not important huh fucker?? I’m so over this.

Tldr: MIL sent a really mean text about me to me by mistake. I think I should go no contact with her but worried that will affect my relationship with my boyfriend. AITA if I cut her out of my life for good? This is my (46F) boyfriends (46M) mom so not actually my MIL but she might as well be. Boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years.

We have a house together, a vehicle and 5 dogs. We share all of the finances. I always thought I had a good relationship with his mom. She says she loves me and always includes me in family gatherings. Today is my daughters birthday. She’s turning 15. Today is also boyfriends brothers birthday. He would be 39 today. He passed away in August 2021 at 37. So today I get 2 texts from her pretty much back to back.

One is wishing my daughter Happy Birthday and that she has a card for her. The 2nd text said “She’s such a b**ch” and that I “do whatever I please” and that if I lose my job, boyfriend “has about had it with me.” After I read it, I just went completely numb.  I stood there staring at the text, reading it over and over again while my heart feels like it’s about to pound right out of my chest.

I told boyfriend that his mom had texted someone about me but accidentally sent it to me. He looked confused so I showed it to him. He read it and then exhaled and said quietly “damn.”  He did call his mom and told her she needs to stop texting and then all I heard was “yeah” and then “thanks a lot mom” and then he hung up on her.

I knew today would be an emotional day for her but the following text from her was saying “I’m sorry, that’s all I can say” and not to take it out on boyfriend.  She blamed it on today, that she’s been crying and wants to die. Boyfriend has not spoken a word about it to me yet.

I don’t know how I can ever have a relationship with her ever again. So my question is, WIBTA if I decide to cut her out of my life? Meaning I will no longer go to their family gatherings, or speak with her and if she comes to my house, I will either stay in my room or leave the house. I honestly don’t want to be in the same room with her ever again.

Ouch—that text hit like a rogue wave, rocking this woman’s sense of security. The accidental message from her boyfriend’s mom not only insulted her but also suggested her boyfriend might be venting frustrations behind her back. His muted “damn” and vague call to his mom? That’s a red flag flapping in the wind, hinting at deeper issues in their bond.

Family dynamics can be a minefield, especially when grief—like the loss of a son—clouds judgment. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found that 65% of family conflicts stem from miscommunication or unspoken expectations. The mom’s emotional state may explain her outburst, but it doesn’t excuse the hurt.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Trust is built in small moments of honesty and repair. Ignoring a partner’s pain erodes connection” (source: Gottman Institute). The boyfriend’s failure to address the text head-on risks widening the gap. For her, going low-contact with his mom makes sense to protect her peace, but a candid talk with him is crucial to clarify his stance.

If you’re in her shoes, experts suggest setting clear boundaries with family and demanding transparency from partners. Have you faced a family usual, Reddit’s got plenty to say—let’s check it out!

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of suspicion, support, and straight-up shade. Here’s the tea from the community, with some takes that’ll make you raise an eyebrow:

Active_Pooter − She seemed to say your boyfriend is ready to break it off, what makes you so sure she didn't hear that from him?

be_sugary − ALERT: Your boyfriend has been chatting his mum.. He was surprised she was caught and she was embarrassed she got caught.. No one is sorry for the content.. You need a plan.

[Reddit User] − His reaction is concerning. To me, it sounds like he’s mad because she spilled the beans. “Damn” is a very interesting reaction, “thanks a lot mom” is even more so. Thanks a lot for what? For talking smack? Orrrr for spilling the beans.. If I were in your shoes I would be creating an exit plan if things go south.

princesspurrito36 − I think it's super concerning she's indicating your boyfriend is frustrated with you. What did he say about that?

misstiff1971 − She is not welcome in your home. Time to block her everywhere - she said she isn't your fan. Take it as gospel.

stillwater5000 − Pretty sure his “damn” response was, damn I can’t believe my mom just ratted me out.

Cowboydave73 − Gonna throw this out there. You're NTA and your feelings are valid. With that said you need to sit down with your BF and have a serious conversation about the state of your relationship. She's either trying to sabotage you guys, or he's not in a good place.

It's going to be the best for both of you. Remember to not be accusatory, but that you guys need to talk it out after that message. I wish you the best of luck, and what ever happens that you lead a good life after this event.

No_Association9968 − BF was possibly the one she was going to text?? I would go LC with her, but seriously reevaluate my relationship with him

[Reddit User] − 1). Don’t underestimate the effects of grief on people’s behavior 2). Sort out where lover boy really stands on the relationship. Did he vent a little and she blew it up? Did he vent a lot and she’s telling the truth? Did she make it up? 3). Reasonable to reduce contact and avoid her for a while, and to let her know how it affected you, but I’d consider leaving room for reconciliation if you’re committed to the relationship.. Good luck

LeeleenotP − D**p both of them🤣

These Reddit gems are juicy, but do they cut to the truth, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s got her back, but the boyfriend’s silence is screaming louder than any comment.

From a dream cruise to a nightmare text, this woman’s story is a wild ride through hurt, doubt, and tough choices. She’s ready to draw a line with her boyfriend’s mom, but the real question is whether her relationship can survive the fallout. Was she right to consider cutting ties, or should she give grace on a tough day? Reddit’s team “dump them both,” but life’s messier than that. What would you do if a text like this landed in your inbox? Drop your hot takes below—let’s keep this drama cooking!

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