Am I wrong for considering this cheating?

A 22-year-old guy, in his first relationship, discovers his girlfriend messaging her ex on his phone, still logged into her Instagram. Their texts shift from jealousy to flirting, even suggesting she fabricated their relationship to provoke her ex. Shocked by her emotional involvement, he questions if he’s wrong to label this as cheating.

This story delves into trust and betrayal in young love. Her secretive conversations erode the relationship’s core, igniting hurt and uncertainty. Reddit users weighed in, transforming this into a lesson on recognizing red flags and embracing self-worth.

‘Am I wrong for considering this cheating?’

He dives into his first relationship, respecting her slow pace.

So my (22m) girlfriend of 8 months (22f) is my first ever relationship. She is majorly out of my league I won’t lie. We haven’t even had s** yet, because...

and she has only slept with one person before (her ex). I am a virgin too so I do want to do it soon, but whatever. But we have kissed...

A forgotten logout reveals troubling messages.

The other day she used my phone the other day, to check her instagram. She never logged back out. I didn’t even notice. Until just now. She is messaging her...

Her chats with her ex mix jealousy, flirting, and nostalgia.

They are going from arguing to flirting, to reminiscing, to back to arguing. The whole convo is so bi-polar. The worst part is she messaged him first. The first message...

You’ve been messaging me all week, telling me how sorry you are, now you’re ignoring my snaps and I can see you posted a story”. And that’s what begun it....

Asking for proof he actually broke up with the girl he cheated on her with, asking for proof he is at home alone right now, asking him to screen record...

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A whole bunch of jealous unhinged s**t coming from her, and him playing dumb, asking what she means and then sending her screenshots of texts and stuff.

She hints their relationship might be a ploy to spark jealousy.

He is asking her to run away with him. She is saying “you must not know me as well as you pretend if you think I’d live ____, Our plan...

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I’m just saying I don’t want to live ___” him saying “I’d move anywhere to be with you again” and her not saying no, but changing the subject to “how...

Another message that has peaked my interest is him asking if she really had a boyfriend or if she just said that to make him jealous. Her response: “I thought...

That is heavily implying she made up my existence. Then they make more random small talk before she says he doesn’t even like her and he said “not true, you...

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and ripping each others clothes off” and her replying “lol that is very true” but then that is followed by “But then again, you did that with loads of girls...

her: “I will always love a version of you that never really existed. I don’t love the version you showed me when I found out the truth.I’m still waiting for...

“the only time you ever had a bath anyway is when we got in together. You were always a shower guy” him: “Not true, I started liking baths after we...

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He grapples with her actions and questions his reaction.

All these chats seem very f**king sus to me. Why is she asking for proof he isn’t talking to anyone else and getting jealous? Why is she discussing places she...

Why is she talking about how much he used to love her getting in his bath? Why is she answering questions about whether I even f**king exist like a vague...

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Emotional betrayal cuts deeper than physical infidelity for many, and Jake’s story is a prime example. His girlfriend’s ongoing chats with her ex, filled with jealousy and nostalgia, shatter the trust in their relationship. What drives someone to cling to a past romance while building a new one?

Her behavior suggests she’s not over her ex. Initiating contact, demanding proof of his single status, and engaging in flirty banter show an unresolved emotional tie. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Transparency and honesty are the bedrock of a healthy relationship” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Her vague dismissal of Jake’s existence to her ex is a glaring red flag, signaling a lack of respect.

On a broader level, this reflects a common struggle among young adults: balancing personal emotions with relationship responsibilities. She seems to want stability with Jake while chasing the chaos of her past. This dynamic leaves Jake as a bystander in her unresolved drama.

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Jake should confront her openly, sharing how her actions hurt him and demanding clarity. If she can’t cut contact with her ex or commit fully, walking away might be his best move to protect his self-worth. Going forward, Jake can learn to spot signs of emotional unavailability, ensuring he finds someone who values him fully.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The online community didn’t hold back, diving into Jake’s dilemma with empathy, outrage, and a touch of wit.

Most users rallied behind Jake, urging him to end things and protect his heart.

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dheffe01 − I would just respond to the conversation " hey this is OP, you left yourself logged in on my phone. EX she is all yours". She is still...

Signal-Shop-4869 − Aw Honey, you are not wrong, no one would put up with this in a relationship. She's just using you. She's clearly not over her ex.

FlowStateSkier − Run for the hills dude

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loudpackaddict − Don’t be a nerd, leave her

Some dug deeper, pointing out her manipulative tactics and warning Jake about her intentions.

sophlog − First of all, screen shot everything before she realizes you’re in her account. This will help not only if she tries to delete/lie about anything, but also will...

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Then dump her and never look back. This is a person who craves chaos and drama. She is manipulating both of you and getting everything she wants: stability and company...

It doesn’t matter if this is “cheating” or not, she’s a liar and she’s playing you. And if anyone suggests trying to sleep with her and dumping her right after,...

Red_Crane_lives − She’s horrible. The irony is that she’s been playing with you like she claims he played with her. She likes games and you’re just a throw away piece....

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Others offered a reality check, framing Jake as a rebound while she pines for her ex.

ZimaGotchi − It's worse than cheating, she's just using you for leverage with her ex.

thommyg123 − run bro. you are the "rebound guy" that she is using to get back with the guy she lost her virginity to

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Happy_Laugh_Guy − She told you she wanted to take it slow because she's waiting to see if she can get back with him bruh

xebec_ghost − Your dilemma is that this is your first real relationship and to her you a play toy to dangle in front of the guy she really wants to...

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Jake’s story is a raw look at the messy side of love and trust. His girlfriend’s secretive chats with her ex, packed with jealousy and nostalgia, blur the lines of loyalty. While not physical cheating, her actions sting just as much, leaving Jake questioning his place in her heart. The online community agrees: Jake deserves better than being a pawn in her emotional tug-of-war.

What do you think about this situation? Should Jake talk it out or walk away for good? Have you ever faced a similar betrayal, and how did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!

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One Comment

  1. Cut and run. I wouldn’t even confront her unless you think arguing would help you process your feelings. If you do, prepare to be brutal. She’s already shown she doesn’t care about you.