Am I wrong for considering a kiss cheating? My boyfriend kissed another woman while drunk and says he stopped and immediately walked out?

Jonathan Hours
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A single kiss at a crowded club sent a woman’s five-year relationship into a tailspin. When her boyfriend, drunk at a friend’s birthday, locked lips with a mutual acquaintance, he stopped, fled, and confessed to her immediately, shame written across his face. Now, with their engagement plans looming, she’s moved out, wrestling with whether this betrayal warrants ending it all. His pleas for forgiveness clash with her need for space, leaving her torn.

Her Reddit post spills the raw confusion of a heart caught between love and hurt. With friends and family urging her to forgive, she questions if a kiss is cheating—or if she’s overreacting. The story stirs up debates about trust, accountability, and where to draw the line in love. Can one moment unravel years of commitment?

‘Am I wrong for considering a kiss cheating? My boyfriend kissed another woman while drunk and says he stopped and immediately walked out?’

He's trying to convince me not to break up with him over this. I have moved out for now and can't think straight. He kissed a woman that we both see socially sometimes. He had gone to a friend's birthday at a club and that's where this happened.

He said he walked straight out. He came home and told me right away and that he was extremely ashamed and sorry. He's been contacting me begging me to come home but I've told him to respect my boundaries and give me space.

Am I wrong to consider this bad enough to end a 5 year relationship. We were planning to get engaged later this year. Not sure what to do. My sister and friends say that he clearly loves me very much and that I should forgive him.

A kiss may seem small, but for this woman, it’s a crack in the foundation of her relationship. Her boyfriend’s drunken act, though halted, crossed a boundary, and his immediate confession shows remorse—but not necessarily resolution. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned therapist, notes, “Infidelity is not just about the act; it’s about the secrecy and the violation of agreed-upon boundaries.” The public nature of the kiss, involving a mutual acquaintance, amplifies the sting.

This reflects a broader issue: differing definitions of cheating. A 2020 study by Chapman University found 65% of Americans consider kissing a form of infidelity, though context—like alcohol or intent—can shift perceptions. The woman’s reaction is valid; her boundary was crossed. Her boyfriend’s transparency is a start, but rebuilding trust requires more.

Dr. Perel suggests couples redefine boundaries through honest talks. The woman could ask about his motivations and feelings for the other woman, gauging his commitment. Couples counseling could help them navigate trust and alcohol’s role. For now, her space is a healthy step—forgiveness can’t be rushed.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crowd dished out opinions with the intensity of a late-night club brawl. Here’s a sampling of the top comments that fueled the fire:

InvectiveDetective − You’re not wrong. You don’t *have* to forgive him. Everyone has different boundaries for what they consider cheating, but it sounds like both you and your bf consider kissing to be cheating. So your sister should b**t out. Don’t listen to her telling you what you “should” do right now. That will only foster resentment. Don’t let her minimize this.

You were betrayed and you’re allowed to feel that way. It’s in his favor that he stopped immediately. It’s also in his favor that he came home and told you immediately.. Give yourself as much distance as you need right now.. Eventually, I would talk to him. Ask him if he’s had feelings for this person. Ask him why he felt ok kissing her in front of your friends.

Ask him if the only reason he stopped was because he was being watched. Ask him why he felt the need to get outside validation. And ask him how he’d feel if the tables were turned.. Really listen to his responses. It’s up to him to salvage your relationship now, not you.. He might feel uncomfortable or ashamed.

Good. He should sit with that for a minute. He might try to rationalize this and minimize his actions. If he pressures you to forgive him quickly or sweeps the whole thing under the rug, then that’s pretty damning.. It’s entirely up to you whether to break up with him over it.

[Reddit User] − You aren’t wrong. As someone who dated a cheater, they always did more than they initially own up to.

arrouk − Did he kiss her, or did she kiss him.. Intent is important.. If she kissed him, he stopped it and came home, I see no issue.. If he kissed her, there is no excuse, and it's likely going to be worse next time.

seidinove − Alcohol should never be an excuse for this behavior.. Question: Do you only have his word that he came straight home?. And, shamelessly copying part of u/InvectiveDetective's response: Ask him if he’s had feelings for this person. Ask him why he felt ok kissing her in front of your friends. Ask him if the only reason he stopped was because he was being watched.

Ask him why he felt the need to get outside validation. And ask him how he’d feel if the tables were turned. This could have been a nothing burger, or it could be a serious breach. Given your reaction, I wouldn't blame you for treating this as if he had a full-blown affair. Therefore, I would first tell him that the starting point of reconciliation is individual counseling for him to help him figure out what's inside that led him to do that,

basically what u/InvectiveDetective asked, and what he can do to rebuild trust. Second, couples counseling is excellent preparation for marriage even in a healthy relationship. Use it to, among other things, agree with each other on the boundaries that each of you will set for yourselves. It seems like a lot of these issues arise at clubs, parties, girls nights out, boys nights out, etc. Google

jraa78 − The answer is really can you forgive him or not. If the answer is, I forgive you but I don't trust you so you can't go to bars or get drunk without me, the relationship will be painful and end eventually anyway. If you accept his apology and live life the way it was before, then ok. With the exception of not seeing the girl he kissed again, I'd call that fair game.

banjolady − Just because a person is drinking or inhibited in any way should not get a pass. People lose their filter when they drink. If someone does,something because they are drunk. It doesn't give them an excuse .

Objective-Tax2788 − If you’ve been together that long he shouldn’t want to kiss anyone else but you.. Being in a relationship is choosing you daily. Being drunk is a poor excuse for that.

sunshineandcats21 − I wouldn’t be able to get that off my mind and wouldn’t trust them together again. Even if I didn’t leave, I consider it cheating so I think the relationship would have problems moving forward.

madnessinimagination − I mean you're allowed to have your own feelings about it but from what I've gathered from your comments she kissed him first. The same thing happened to my now husband when we were first together. He was at his brother's for a party and a girl who was talking to him kissed him. He left right after and told me the next time we talked.

I'll also add I've seen my husband get hit on so many times and there are some really bold women out there. I have stories for days of women hitting on my husband right in front of me (a few times when I was visibly pregnant) and him paying them no mind. He can't help that a girl tried to shoot her shot but he did do what he was supposed to do as a committed man after. He removed himself from the situation and told you what happened.

He didn't try to hide it, he didn't try to lie and it seems like his story is backed up by your friends. You're allowed to have boundaries but it sounds like he didn't cross your boundaries, that girl who kissed him crossed the boundaries not him. I'd have more of an issue with the acquaintance (who most likely knew he was taken) kissing him than him responding how he responded to the kiss.

Zaseral − Alright, I have skimmed through some of the comments and I have to say, OP why are you asking us if you already made up your mind about all of this?. I am going to provide more detail that OP put in comments but not the initial post:.  - The woman initiated the kiss. - he apparently kissed her back. - he stopped and left directly after and felt guilty OP has said this wasn't a**ault, and we can debate the nature of it all day, but without any further context how the events read to me are as follows:

This girl and her BF were at a party together and got drunk, she has feelings for BF and decided to make a move, him being drunk and not fully together initially kissed back before stopping the moment he was aware of what was happening and went home to apologize. In that event, he acted entirely RIGHT. The moment he was able to grasp what was happening with his drunk mind he fled because he is loyal to you.

But see, this isn't the story you provided at first:

My guess, based on your comments, as well as your sister telling you to forgive him, is that you told your sister and friends the full story, but when they heard it they didn't think he was at fault, but you were still upset with this situation so you came to Reddit and skewed the story to justify your reaction.

Now on to your question, you are not wrong for considering a kiss cheating, and tbh will never fully know what all happened as only your BF does. But if we look at the context clues, I don't believe that in this case he was cheating purely because he didn't initiate it and left as soon as he realized what was happening.

But overall, ik my comment doesn't really matter to you. After skimming through your messages, anyone that tries to go against your initial reaction you argue against and refuse to listen to anyone else's point of view. I can't stand it when people do this on Reddit, you came here, presumably to ask for opinions, but instead of listening to any feedback, you just want people to tell you that you are right.

Either way OP, I hope I am wrong about you, hopefully you will listen to all of this feedback and understand what we are trying to say, I disagree with others saying that he should break up with you bc you are crazy. You aren't, you are hurt and want to justify that feeling. But OP, which matters more to you, getting justification for your feeling by not providing the full context, or learning that maybe your BF was being loyal to you and wasn't aware of what was happening?

These Reddit takes swing from fiery support to skeptical prodding, but do they oversimplify the gray area of a drunken kiss? One thing’s certain: the internet’s got no chill when trust is on the line.

This woman’s world tilted with one drunken kiss, forcing her to weigh five years of love against a moment of betrayal. Her boyfriend’s quick confession and remorse complicate the equation, but her hurt runs deep. The story challenges us to ask: where’s the line between a mistake and a dealbreaker? If you faced a similar breach, would you forgive or walk away? Share your thoughts below and let’s unravel what it takes to rebuild—or let go.

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