Am I wrong for asking my husband to pick between me or his pregnant mistress?

In a quiet suburban home, the air grows heavy with betrayal as a woman uncovers her husband’s double life. Her world, once anchored by love and trust, now teeters on the edge of collapse after learning his six-month affair left his mistress pregnant. With a trembling heart, she offered reconciliation, hoping to salvage their vows—until a drunken confession revealed his secret wedding plans with the other woman. Her ultimatum for him to choose between his two “families” sparked fury, leaving her questioning her worth and boundaries.

This raw tale of infidelity and heartbreak pulls readers into a whirlwind of loyalty, love, and self-respect. As the wife grapples with her husband’s tangled lies, the Reddit community erupts with fiery opinions. Can she reclaim her dignity, or is she clinging to a love already lost? Let’s dive into her story.

 

‘Am I wrong for asking my husband to pick between me or his pregnant mistress?’

My husband had an affair that lasted for a 6 months and he got his “girlfriend” pregnant. I didn’t know that last detail till recently. Before the pregnancy came to light, we decided to give it a try and reconcile. He said he was so sorry and he would always pick me and his girlfriend was a mistake.

Now that I found out she was pregnant, while he was drunk, I told him he should choose between his 2 “families” he got angry and asked me to let him be a parent to the new kid and stay with him because he loves me. I was about to agree and then he showed me a text, while drunk, about how they were planning a wedding. Am i wrong for setting up boundaries and asking him to either pick me or his pregnant mistress?

Infidelity is a gut-punch, but discovering a partner’s affair has created a new family is a whole new level of chaos. This wife’s story highlights the messy collision of love, betrayal, and self-worth. Caught between her husband’s promises and his mistress’s pregnancy, she faces a choice that’s as emotional as it is practical. Her ultimatum—choose me or your new family—reveals the fractured trust at the heart of their marriage.

The husband’s actions, from hiding the pregnancy to drunkenly flaunting wedding plans, signal a deeper issue: a lack of accountability. Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert on marital stability, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, and betrayal erodes it just as incrementally” (source: The Gottman Institute). Here, the husband’s repeated deceptions—six months of cheating, a hidden pregnancy, and secret wedding plans—have dismantled the foundation of their relationship. His plea to “be a parent” while staying married reeks of wanting to have it all, leaving his wife to pick up the emotional pieces.

This situation reflects a broader issue: the societal pressure on women to “fix” broken relationships. A 2021 study by the Institute for Family Studies found that 70% of divorces are initiated by women, often citing infidelity as a key factor (source: IFS). The wife’s hesitation to leave, despite clear red flags, underscores the emotional toll of balancing self-respect with hope for reconciliation. Her ultimatum, while bold, risks reinforcing her husband’s control by giving him the power to “choose.”

Dr. Gottman’s advice on rebuilding trust emphasizes transparency and consistent actions—qualities this husband lacks. For the wife, setting boundaries isn’t enough; she must prioritize her dignity. Therapy, legal counsel, and a support network can help her navigate this betrayal. Leaving may feel like defeat, but it’s often the first step toward reclaiming power.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a spicy mix of tough love and witty shade. The community’s hot takes are as candid as they come—here’s what they had to say:

BurritoOnTheBeach − Chin up and take the choice back. Choose yourself and leave.

[Reddit User] − So... you are hoping your cheating husband who goes around knocking up his side pieces comes BACK? WHAT THE F**K?!. Love yourself, please.

No_Scarcity8249 − Pick you? He got someone knocked up and you are giving him the option? He already chose her she’s pregnant but now if he treats her poorly enough maybe it’ll make you feel better! There will never be a day where he can choose you.. that’s over he’s having a baby. Choose yourself, have some self respect and dignity and leave.

Confuseddragonfly − What boundary do you think you are going to set that he will keep? He had an affair and got another woman pregnant. Pick yourself.

wholesomebutter − You're wrong for choosing to continue being in this mess. He not only cheated but got another woman pregnant. That should've been the signal to do what's best for yourself and leave him.

notsoreligiousnow − Girl. Find your dignity and self respect and leave this b**. The red flags are waving high and proud and everyone sees them but you.

noncomposmentis_123 − I just never understand the self delusion it takes to still be arguing and thinking you have power after someone has already shown you the ultimate disrespect. There is no relationship. Your hubby knocked up another person. The only reason he's saying you should stay together is to hedge his bets in case it doesn't work out with the girlfriend. You're his leftovers. He'll only have you if he has to.. Have some self respect and move on.

Leather-Lab8120 − Am i wrong for setting up boundaries and asking him to either pick me or his pregnant mistress?. Unfortunately the boundaries have been set, and you are now the SIDE CHICK. I told him he should choose between his 2 “families” he got angry,

and asked me to let him be a parent to the new kid and stay with him because he loves me.. Assume you need legal help because this ultimatum back fired on you. I was about to agree and then he showed me a text, while drunk, about how they were planning a wedding.. SIDE CHICK, plan the exit lodgings.

mi_nombre_es_ricardo − They were planning a wedding? Like him and the AP?? You would be wrong to take him back. Have some self respect. Divorce him and hit him with alimony and child support.

_FIRECRACKER_JINX − umm.. ​. Girl. You BOTH need to leave him. That's the healthy response.. ​now that I've gotten all that healthy s**t out of YOUR system. She's already lost him. I invite you to check out r/theotherwoman for the season finale of how your husband's relationship will end with his mistress.

Statististically speaking, she will NOT beat that subreddit. LOL, she's going to try. They ALL do. EVERY side-chick believe she's THAT special one. and well.... you know how THAT subreddit is.. ​. I'll give you a TL:DR - it doesn't look good for her.. ​I'm worried about YOU. YOU need to be doing the work of leaving him. I know you're not, based on the tone of this post.

You're concerned with competing with the mistress, who's already losing the battle for your husband. YOU have him. He is YOURS. Most mistresses never win, but you seem to believe that by getting pregnant (and becoming less fun, fatter, less attractive), she is somehow winning.. ​. Idk girl. You need to be leaving and destroying their budding family on your way out.

These are the loudest voices on Reddit, but do they nail the truth? Or are they just fanning the flames of drama?

This wife’s story is a rollercoaster of heartbreak, betrayal, and the quest for self-respect. Caught in her husband’s web of lies, she’s left wrestling with an impossible choice: hold onto a fractured marriage or walk away with her head held high. The Reddit community screams for her to choose herself, but the path forward is hers alone. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and share how you’d navigate this messy love triangle.

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