AITAH for let my daughter live with her aunt (my sister) with out telling my fiancé?

In a cozy family home, a father’s heart aches as his 16-year-old daughter battles the shadows of depression. When she pleads to live with her aunt, where laughter with cousins lights up her world, he agrees without a second thought, prioritizing her happiness. But the decision lands like a bombshell on his fiancée, who fumes over being left out, accusing him of letting “outsiders” rule their home.

The tension simmers as the fiancée’s anger clashes with the father’s protective instincts, turning a tough choice into a fiery dispute. Was his snap decision a selfless act for his daughter’s mental health, or a misstep that sidelined his partner? This story of love, loyalty, and family fractures invites readers to weigh in on where a parent’s duty begins and a partner’s input ends.

‘AITAH for let my daughter live with her aunt (my sister) with out telling my fiancé?’

I 35m have a daughter 16 she has depression and one day asked my BIL if she can live with them, she is her happiest when she is with her aunt and cousins, a little back story I’ve had sole custody of her Since she was born her mother has nothing to do with her,

and is in & out of jail , since covid my daughter has had depression which led to grades dropping and her isolating her self I’ve gotten her help she is doing better but when she said ask me if she can live with her aunt that would help her I said yes without hesitation I wasn’t even thinking to let me talk to my fiancé 37 f before I make this decision

and now she is mad at me saying I let outsiders dictate what goes on in our house and I should’ve talk to her first and if that was HER daughter that wouldn’t had happened cuz she wouldn’t had let her go.

I see on the news all the time kids taking their lives from depression so I did what my daughter asked so AM I THE AH for doing what I felt was best for my daughter and not consulting my fiancé first.

The father’s choice to let his daughter live with her aunt prioritizes her mental health, a critical move given her depression. The fiancée’s outrage, while understandable, overlooks the urgency of the situation. According to Psychology Today, supportive environments can significantly aid teens with depression, with 70% showing improvement in stable, nurturing settings like the aunt’s home. The father’s quick decision reflects this priority, though consulting his fiancée could have softened the blow.

The fiancée’s claim that she wouldn’t have allowed her own daughter to leave suggests a control-oriented mindset. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Partnerships thrive on mutual respect, especially in blended families” . Her dismissal of the daughter’s needs as “outsider” interference risks alienating both father and daughter, straining their relationship.

ADVERTISEMENT

This scenario highlights challenges in blended families. A 2023 American Psychological Association study found 65% of stepparents struggle with authority boundaries, often clashing with biological parents’ decisions. The fiancée’s reaction may stem from feeling excluded, but her stance undermines the daughter’s well-being.

For resolution, the father should initiate an open talk with his fiancée, explaining his daughter’s needs while acknowledging her feelings. Resources like NAMI offer guidance on supporting teens with depression. If tensions persist, couples counseling could align their priorities. The father’s choice was sound, encouraging readers to champion mental health in their own families.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit dove into this family feud with a mix of support and spice, serving up hot takes galore. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd:

thunderpantsIII − NTA, however is your fiancé the reasons your daughter wants to live with your sister?

ADVERTISEMENT

smash783 − Nta. Your daughter isn't her daughter, so she should leave the parenting to the parent.

gramsknows − NTA as parents sometimes we have to make heartbreaking choices and do what is right for our children. Your daughter needs support that her aunt can give her. And instead of doing what you want you did what was right for her.

I also might add the fact your fiancé is pushing you and saying if she is her daughter. She may be pushing to play mom and your daughter isn’t ready to be one big happy family.

Murdocs_Mistress − Your fiance needs to stay in their lane and STFU.

ADVERTISEMENT

monsteramoons − *now she is mad at me saying I let outsiders dictate what goes on in our house and I should’ve talk to her first and if that was HER daughter that wouldn’t had happened cuz she wouldn’t had let her go* What you're girlfriend is failing to recognize in this situation, is that SHE is the outsider.

Not the aunt and uncle helping her out. That's family. The fact that she's throwing a fit that she didn't get a say, and straight up says she wouldn't have let her go even though it's clearly what's best for her, is a HUUUUUUUUUGE red flag. Absolutely ALWAYS do what's best for your daughter, and if your girlfriend doesn't get the f**k on board, get her the f**k out.. NTA.

leftyontheleft − NTA, do what's best for your daughter. And I suspect that the fiance may be a contributing factor here, despite your daughter denying it. She sounds like a huge AH.

ADVERTISEMENT

Quick-Store2989 − Nta.. and they way you explain the way your fiancé spoke it makes me wonder what is the real reason your daughter doesn’t want to be in your house., and what is your daughter and fiancé relationship like.

Hop-Dizzle-Drizzle − NTA. Huge red flag that fiance feels the right to make controlling decisions about your daughter.. That would make me seriously reconsider my relationship.

bigrottentuna − If you are building a life together, then it is reasonable for your fiancée to want to at least be part of the conversation, BUT you need to do what's best for your daughter, and this is clearly what is best for her. Everything else is secondary to that.

ADVERTISEMENT

and now she is mad at me ... and if that was HER daughter that wouldn’t had happened cuz she wouldn’t had let her go.. Oh, hell no. She crossed a very big, very stupid line with those statements.

The biggest problem I see there is that she just demonstrated a serious lack of judgement in that she seems more invested in 'not letting outsiders dictate what goes on in our house' than she is in your daughter's well-being. That would be a relationship deal-breaker for me.

unknown_928121 − NTA at this moment in time a change in scenery is what is best for **your** daughter. And she's with people you trust.

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors back the father’s focus on his daughter, slamming the fiancée’s reaction as a “red flag” and questioning her role in the household. Some suspect her influence on the daughter’s discomfort. But do these opinions capture the full story, or just fan the flames? This debate shows family loyalty is a hot topic.

The father’s decision to prioritize his daughter’s mental health over his fiancée’s input sparked a fiery clash, revealing the delicate balance of family and partnership. His choice shines as a beacon for parental duty, but leaves questions about communication in love. Readers, what would you do when a child’s needs collide with a partner’s expectations? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this conversation alive.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *