Am I TAH for not wanting to call my child “it”?

In a quiet suburban home, a parent’s heart wrestles with love and confusion. Their 23-year-old child, vibrant with bold eye makeup and a courageous spirit, recently came out as gay—a moment met with open arms. But then came a curveball: the child asked to be called “it,” a pronoun that stings the parent’s ears with echoes of playground insults from decades past.

The word feels cold, dehumanizing, yet their child sees it as a badge of identity. Torn between unwavering love and personal discomfort, this parent stands at a crossroads, navigating a world where language evolves faster than understanding. How do you honor a child’s truth when it clashes with your own? This heartfelt Reddit tale pulls us into a modern family dilemma, sparking questions about respect, identity, and the power of words.

‘Am I TAH for not wanting to call my child “it”?’

Navigating a child’s pronoun choice can feel like walking a tightrope between love and personal history. This parent’s hesitation to use “it/its” pronouns stems from a generational gap where “it” was a slur, not an identity. Yet, their child’s request reflects a growing trend among younger generations redefining language to express complex gender identities. The parent loves their child fiercely but struggles with “it,” a term tied to dehumanization in their past.

Meanwhile, the child, grappling with self-esteem issues, seeks affirmation through this pronoun. It’s a classic clash of perspectives—parental instinct to protect versus a child’s need to be seen. As Dr. Laura McGuire, a gender and inclusivity educator, notes in a 2021 Medium article, “For some, ‘it/its’ pronouns reject binary gender norms, offering a sense of freedom and authenticity.” This aligns with the child’s likely intent: claiming “it” as empowerment, not degradation.

This situation highlights a broader social shift. A 2023 Pew Research study found 26% of Gen Z Americans support nontraditional pronouns like “it/its” to express gender identity, compared to just 12% of Boomers. The parent’s discomfort is valid, rooted in a linguistic history where “it” was weaponized, but their child’s choice reflects a reclamation of language, much like “queer” has been reframed by younger generations.

So, what’s the path forward? Dr. McGuire suggests open dialogue: “Ask why ‘it’ feels right. Understanding their reasoning can bridge the gap.” The parent could gently explain their hesitation, emphasizing love while exploring compromises, like using “they/them” alongside “it/its” if the child is open to it. Joining support groups like PFLAG can also help. The key is mutual respect—listening without judgment and affirming the child’s identity while navigating personal discomfort. It’s not about erasing the past but building a future where both feel heard.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd chimed in with heartfelt and witty takes—because who doesn’t love a good online debate? Here’s what the community had to say:

These opinions are spicy and sincere, but do they capture the full picture? Reddit’s wisdom is a wild mix of empathy and sass—perfect for sparking a deeper chat.

This parent’s journey is a raw, relatable tug-of-war between love and language. Supporting a child’s identity while wrestling with personal discomfort isn’t easy, but it’s a chance to grow together. By talking openly, both parent and child can find common ground, proving love speaks louder than any pronoun. What would you do in this parent’s shoes? Have you faced a similar clash of values with someone you love? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation going!