Am I in the wrong for not letting my boyfriend’s mom come into the hospital while I am giving birth?

An 18-year-old woman, weeks away from giving birth, found herself at odds with her boyfriend and his mother over a deeply personal boundary. The mother’s Facebook post, boasting about being in the delivery room and holding the baby first, crossed a line for the young mom-to-be, who had already said no. Despite her discomfort and a language barrier, her pleas were dismissed as “unreasonable,” with her boyfriend siding with his mom. Now, she’s banned the mother from the hospital, demanding a month of postpartum privacy.

Her Reddit post spills the frustration of a young woman fighting for control over her body and baby. With family tensions flaring, the story ignites debates about autonomy, respect, and the pressures of new motherhood. Can she hold her ground against a pushy mother-in-law, or did she go too far?

Am I in the wrong for not letting my boyfriend’s mom come into the hospital while I am giving birth?’

I (18F) got into an argument with my boyfriend (18M) and his mother (40F) about her recent Facebook post. She posted about holding my child first when she is born and being able to watch as a way to gloat to her friends and family. I saw this and asked her to take it down as I have discussed with her previously that I am not comfortable with her being in the room as I give birth.

I certainly did not say that she can hold my child first as well. I spoke with my boyfriend about this Facebook post and he agreed with her stating that “it only makes sense as she is the grandmother” and “she is a female as well”. I told him that was not a good reason and I was uncomfortable with his mom looking down there and holding my child before me.

He didn’t understand why I was upset and told me I was “being unreasonable”. There is a language barrier since his mother solely speaks Spanish and my first language is English and my Spanish is not that strong. I am not very close with his mom and I do not know her very well. When I went to speak with her about this she argued that her granddaughter should know her first since I live with her son.

She also stated that the world doesn’t revolve around me and other people want to see my baby so I shouldn’t be stingy. At that point I asked that she not come to the hospital and she could wait a month after birth until I am comfortable and no longer dealing with such private postpartum issues.

I left her with that and walked back to the car. Of course my boyfriend did understand when I made an uncomfortable analogy and asked how he would feel in that situation. She has been controlling in the past and I let it slide but I feel like this is too much. Did I go too far?

Childbirth is a vulnerable moment, and this young woman’s fight for control reflects a universal need for autonomy. Her boyfriend’s mother’s insistence on being in the delivery room, despite clear objections, dismisses her agency, while her boyfriend’s support of his mom signals a troubling dynamic. Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes, “Boundaries in families are critical for healthy relationships; violating them, especially during childbirth, can breed resentment.” The mother’s gloating post and entitlement exacerbate the issue.

This ties to a broader problem: overbearing family during childbirth. A 2020 study in Midwifery found 30% of new mothers felt pressured by family to allow unwanted visitors during or after birth, often impacting emotional recovery. The language barrier and the woman’s youth may amplify her vulnerability, making her stance a bold act of self-advocacy.

Dr. Boss suggests clear, firm communication to enforce boundaries. The woman could inform hospital staff of her wishes, ensuring privacy. Couples counseling might help her boyfriend understand her perspective, especially given his alignment with his mother. For now, her month-long boundary is a healthy step to prioritize her and her baby’s well-being.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd rallied with fierce support, dishing out advice as sharp as a labor nurse’s clipboard. Here’s a taste of the top comments that lit up the thread:

peakpenguins − “she is a female as well”. Cool, I guess your dad can join your bf for his next physical. You're not wrong at all, you're the one giving birth and you are the one who gets to decide who will be in the room with you. Period, full stop.

[Reddit User] − Stand your ground OP! You are not wrong! Make a plan in advance with the hospital. Or your boyfriend’s mom will weasel her way into the delivery room.

LowkeyPony − Talk to your ob now. And tell the nurses before you get into active labor that she is not allowed in the room. Good luck kid. Stand your ground now with her or she’s going to try and rail road you on everything!

ConfusedAt63 − No you did not go too far. When at the hospital tell the nurses she isn’t to come in and they will keep her out even if he tries to bring her in. Your plan to have privacy for at least a month is good but you might consider a longer time, until all first shots have been given.

His mom prob has not been vaccinated for all the things necessary for being around a newborn. If you can plan on b**ast feeding, exclusively, do, so you don’t have to share the baby so much bc only you can feed your baby. Learn about “baby wearing” to keep people from playing pass the baby. Good luck!

[Reddit User] − Absolutely not. You are under no obligation to let any non medical personell in at all, under any circumstances. Even the kids father has no inherent right to be there. It's all 100% up to you, and you alone.. She also stated that the world doesn’t revolve around me. The world doesn't revolve around her.. Stinginess doesn't even apply.. Don't let this unhinged p**cho (or any others) manipulate you.

BarRegular2684 − Yanw. Birth is not a spectator sport. Gross.

BuzzyLightyear100 − I'm sure you realise you have bigger problems than her wanting to be in the room, yes? Your partner does not support you and will not stand up for you to his mother.. This is a dynamic that will not change any time soon - if ever.. NTA for this specific question, but this is just the beginning. Good luck!

Responsible_Cold_16 − Not wrong.. The woman giving birth makes the rules.. That's it.. Everyone else can shut the f**k up

inthebuffbuff − Go to r/justnomil for some tips on how to deal with her and your boyfriend

SnooWords4839 − Tell your Dr who you want in the room with you. Time for BF to read - [The Lemon Clot Essay- IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO HAVE PEOPLE OVER AFTER BIRTH YOU NEED TO READ THIS!. Learn to set boundaries now. You are the mom; she takes a backseat to you as the baby's mom.

These Reddit takes blend practical tips with righteous indignation, but do they fully grasp the weight of her youth and isolation? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s got her back.

This young woman’s stand against her boyfriend’s mother isn’t just about a delivery room—it’s about claiming her voice as a mother. Facing dismissal and control, she drew a line, but her boyfriend’s betrayal stings as much as his mom’s overreach. Her story pushes us to ask: how do you protect your boundaries when family won’t listen? If you were in her shoes, how would you handle a pushy in-law? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack the power of saying no.

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