Almost cheated but stopped just before I would have done. Am I wrong not to tell my wife?

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In a dimly lit hotel hallway, a man’s heart pounds as he faces a fleeting temptation. A work trip abroad led him to follow a colleague upstairs, only for guilt to halt him at her door. Now, back home, he’s haunted by his near-betrayal but hasn’t told his wife, fearing it could unravel their marriage.

This Reddit story dives into the murky waters of guilt and honesty, sparking debates: should he confess or carry the secret to protect her?

‘Almost cheated but stopped just before I would have done. Am I wrong not to tell my wife?’

I went for a work meeting abroad and my colleague was also there. We were staying at a hotel over night and eventually she asked me if I would join her in her room for drinks after dinner. I said I would and followed her upstairs, but then felt guilt take over and I felt ashamed.

I said I needed to go back to my room and I would see her the next day. I didn't tell me wife about this. However, that I even considered cheating is making me sick. My wife asked me if I was all right because of how stressed/tense I've been. Am I wrong to hide this? I didn't do anything but my wife will not take it well if I tell her. It will damage our marriage.

Navigating a near-betrayal is like walking a tightrope over a canyon of trust. This man’s story highlights the slippery slope of emotional infidelity, where intentions and actions blur. He stopped short, but the guilt lingers, and his silence raises questions about honesty in relationships.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the man’s choice to turn back was a sliding door moment, but his secrecy risks eroding trust. His hesitation suggests an emotional connection with his colleague, perhaps fueled by flirtation, which Gottman’s research flags as a precursor to betrayal.

This situation reflects broader issues of workplace boundaries. A 2023 study by the Society for Human Resource Management found that 34% of employees have experienced workplace flirtations that crossed professional lines (source: SHRM). The man’s story isn’t just personal—it’s a snapshot of how modern work environments can test personal commitments.

For advice, transparency is key. Dr. Gottman’s principles suggest owning the mistake with humility, not defensiveness. The man could seek couples therapy to rebuild trust, or individual counseling to address why he was tempted.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hot takes are a wild mix of empathy, skepticism, and tough love—perfect for stirring the pot! Here are the top comments that capture the community’s pulse:

BubbleBathBitch − Have you really had time to think about why you initially said yes? It’s good you didn’t go through with it, but could be helpful to explore motivations so it doesn’t come up again.

Downtown_Ideal_6521 − Absolutely not. This is your problem to deal with, not your wife’s. You deal with your guilt, the issues that led you to consider it, and try to be a better husband and person. Your wife deserves more than to be burdened by your guilt.

akillerofjoy − How about we do some role reversal? See, if it were me, and my wife told me about a situation that almost got out of control, but she had enough sense to stop it before even setting foot in a dude’s room, yes, I’d be hurt. But I’d also have a whole new level of respect for her…

…that is, if I believed her story. Because, you see, OP, I don’t believe you for a second. I think that the things between you and your colleague were heating up pretty hard, and I am convinced that you are severely downplaying your involvement. So, the alleged would-be cheating was merely the tip of an iceberg of you actively cheating on your wife, maybe not physically, but in every other way

stloumo − I mean you don't just all the sudden go to a co-workers room and expect to have s**. I feel like there is probably a bit more to it. Flirty drinks and interactions prior to that led to the offer. I really do think you should tell your wife but it's going to be damaging to the relationship for awhile.

You didn't physically cheat but you did start emotionally which is why you are feeling so guilty. Being attracted to the co-worker doesn't help your case in my mind. If you don't tell your wife you need to just cold turkey cut off the co-worker you are attracted to at the very least.

nyx926 − Your wife not “taking it well” is NOT what will damage your marriage. You already caused damage, she just doesn’t know it yet. This kind of thinking is of the “it’s not what I did that’s the problem, it’s your reaction to it” variety. You’re lying about what’s causing your weird behavior, and she knows something is off.

Not telling her is keeping her from making an informed decision about who she is married to. The good thing is - you did the cost benefit analysis and chose not to harm your wife further. The s**tty thing is - something has been going on with this co-worker for her to think she could invite you to her room.

You’re not entitled to your marriage or benevolence for not screwing someone. So when you have that conversation with her that you know you need to have, make sure she does not twist herself up in knots thinking it’s a marriage problem when it’s a you problem.

ScoutSteveR − Forgive yourself. Don’t d**p a load of s**t on your wife, because you feel guilty for something that almost happened. You did the right thing. Don’t make a federal case out of it. Move on and don’t ever put yourself in that situation again.

AlmostAlwaysADR − First of all, you're an i**ot. Nope not gonna give you any props whatsoever about

Because despite not sealing the deal, you still made several choices that got you to a place where you thought it might happen. I don't know if you should tell your wife. I'm leaning towards no. Instead, I think you should seek therapy and figure out wtf is going on in your head. Work on yourself, worship your wife like she deserves, and dont f**k it up.

gingersnapped99 − I didn’t do anything. You flirted with another woman and followed her back to her room, or at least upstairs, with 100% intent to have s**. The fact your pants stayed on because you dipped at the last second doesn’t make any of that go away. You need to be honest with your wife, man. Even if you chickened out, you had made the decision and taken every step to cheat on her except the last one.

She deserves to know what almost happened, because it reflects on you as a partner and on your marriage. It involves her and she has a right to know. Everyone saying “oh, it’ll hurt her over nothing” is wrong, because this is *something*. Don’t use “I don’t want to push my guilt onto her” as some b**lshit excuse; everyone knows that’s code for “I want to get away with this.”

If the two of you can’t communicate and you solve things by lying to her face, if you don’t do some serious reflection with a professional, what happens next time? This is a coworker, you’ll see her again. Maybe you’ll be drunker next time an opportunity to cheat comes up. Maybe the two of you would’ve had a fight and you’ll feel bitter towards your wife.

There are a million things that can lead you to physically cheat (because you did *emotionally* cheat) next time if you handle this with a rug sweep. But hey, if you want to lie to your wife’s face every day for the rest of your lives (betraying her trust and treating her like an incompetent i**ot) to save your own skin, then that’s your choice.

Accomplished_Dig1755 − I’d want to know. I’m a dude, so probably doesn’t help, but there you have it.. Would you want to know or would that be something “unpleasant that you’d rather not hear”?

Jinx_X_2003 − If she did this would you want to know?

These opinions are spicy, but do they cut to the core of the issue, or are they just Reddit being Reddit? One thing’s clear: the community’s divided on whether silence is golden or a ticking time bomb.

This story leaves us wrestling with tough questions about honesty, guilt, and second chances. The man’s near-miss affair is a reminder that relationships are fragile, built on trust that can wobble with even an unacted thought. Should he confess and face the storm, or work quietly to be a better partner? What would you do if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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