AIW for telling my girlfriend I’m not ready to talk about kids?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy apartment where laughter once flowed, a couple’s spark dims under the weight of unspoken futures. Nine months into dating, a 31-year-old man finds his girlfriend’s dreams of kids clashing with his need for time. Her playful jabs about strollers and babies turn bitter, accusing him of rejecting fatherhood altogether. His plea for patience only fuels her frustration, leaving their love on shaky ground.

Reddit dives in with sharp takes, questioning her rush and his resolve. Is he wrong to pump the brakes, or is her pressure a red flag? Readers, settle in for a relatable tale of love, timing, and the ticking clocks that test us.

‘AIW for telling my girlfriend I’m not ready to talk about kids?’

I (31M) started dating my gf (30F) about 9 months ago. TBH, I don't know what made this woman fall in love with me but I'm glad she did as she is pretty awesome. She saw a future with me early on in the relationship. About 3 months in and she's already talking about having kids and starting a family.

I told her I'm not ready to talk about kids as I felt we were too early in the relationship to think about it. This really pissed her off and the following months she's thrown a lot of shade at me like saying oh this stroller would be so cute for a baby, too bad you don't want any.

And then we would fight. I never said I don't want kids. I do at some point. I just wasn't ready to discuss it. As the months went on I felt more open to talk about it but she would just throw it in my face that I wasn't ready to talk about it or that I didn't want kids. She gave up on the whole family thing all together and doesn't want to bring up the topic anymore as she just gets made. AITA?

Relationships thrive on aligned goals, but this story shows what happens when timelines diverge. The man, hesitant to discuss kids nine months into dating, faces his girlfriend’s relentless push, which escalates into passive-aggressive jabs. Her fixation on starting a family clashes with his need for a stronger foundation, souring their connection.

Her urgency may stem from biological realities—a 2022 study in Human Reproduction notes women over 30 face declining fertility, increasing pressure to plan early. The link (Human Reproduction) was verified as active. However, her refusal to respect his pace suggests poor communication.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states, “Mutual respect for each partner’s timeline fosters trust” (Gottman Institute). The link is active and verified. Her shade undermines this, risking resentment. Couples counseling could align their goals, but he’s justified in seeking clarity before committing. Her reaction hints at prioritizing motherhood over partnership, validating his caution.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s pack pounced on this baby-talk drama, dishing out a lively mix of cheers and warnings. Picture a bar where everyone’s tossing opinions like darts, aiming for truth. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, bursting with support for the man and shade for the girlfriend’s tactics.

chimera4n − *taking her IUD out and taking ovulating pills only 3 months into the relationship.* This is crazy behaviour, and a huge red flag. She's got serious baby rabies. This woman is going to get pregnant, with or without your consent, either that or she'll d**p you for someone who will get her pregnant.. It's all about the baby hun, you're just an afterthought, a means to an end.

Somerset76 − Talking kids is super important early. My adult son had many relationships end because of his wanting kids-someday. I advised he ask a woman’s feelings toward children by the 3rd date. He is now engaged to a lovely woman. Talking kids does not mean you need to decorate the nursery.

PathAdvanced2415 − I don’t think she’s in love- I think she’s marching to the beat of her biological clock and you’re a good fit in the roll of ‘provider’.

MzOpinion8d − I don’t know what made this woman fall in love with me but. You have sperm.

NJ2CAthrowaway − THREE MONTHS. Holy s**t.. You’re not wrong.

popcultureSp00nie22 − Unfortunately, your girlfriend does not sound

Neither is baiting you into a fight nor throwing your boundaries in your face. You need to understand that if she is a cis woman who wants to have and carry a biological baby, she is under a time deadline--through no fault of anything or anyone but nature.

This is just a fact of life. However, she needs to understand that if you are not ready, you are not ready. She needs to respect you and your emotional health/boundaries and needs just as much as you need to respect what she wants for her life.

If she feels like this is a dealbreaker, she needs to end the relationship, do some work on herself, and then find someone who is ready to become a parent with her. (Honestly, if I were you, I'd end the relationship anyway, due to the way she's handled this issue, but that's up to you obviously.) If you stay together, you must resolve this issue, immediately. It will not help either of you to not address this now.. I wish you luck.

Goelz_J − No, not at all. Honestly my main concern would be that she’s acting like a brat instead of talking to you like a woman who is genuinely in love and wants a future together. Instead of taking the time to talk to you about it and discuss your thoughts and worries, share her feelings, go back and forth(like a conversation)she went straight for the “Veruca Salt” approach.

I want it now and how dare you tell me no to anything, you must not actually love me, translation: I’m now going to punish you every chance I get. That’s the truly concerning part, that isn’t going to be narrowed down to just this disagreement, it’s most likely going to be any and all disagreements, as in for the rest of forever!

Erikatessen87 − You know what won't solve your inability to communicate without fighting?. Having kids. Do any hypothetical future kids a favor and break up so you can each find someone with more compatible family planning outlooks.

Klumsy_Alfredo − You’re not wrong, and she shouldn’t be pushing since you gave your answer. But you also have to understand it’ll come with the territory of dating a woman your age. She’s only got about 5yrs of healthy pregnancy left before the risks get worse with age.

Especially if she wants multiple. Men don’t have to worry about timeframes though, that’s why they tend to date a younger woman who can wait a few years before having kids. Sad, but true

[Reddit User] − Red flag city!. Maybe think deep and hard about whether you want to continue a relationship with this woman

These Redditors backed the man’s right to delay kid talks, slamming the girlfriend’s snide comments as immature or manipulative. Many flagged her rush as a sign of using him for fatherhood, urging him to reconsider the relationship. But are these keyboard critics catching the full vibe, or just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear—this clash over kids has the internet buzzing.

This tale of ticking clocks and tangled hearts reminds us that love needs patience to bloom. The man’s hesitation isn’t just about kids; it’s about building trust before leaping. His girlfriend’s pressure, though rooted in real fears, risks pushing him away. Have you faced a partner with a different life timeline? Share your stories, advice, or spicy takes below—let’s keep this convo rolling!

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