AIW for taking my daughter out to eat?

In a warm kitchen, the aroma of garlic stir-fried rice and barbecue chicken fills the air, but for one 16-year-old, it’s a menu of everything she can’t stand. Her father, a 39-year-old devoted dad, comes home from a long workday to find his daughter hasn’t eaten—again—because his wife cooked a meal tailored to her dislikes. What seems like a simple dinner turns into a battleground of family respect and hidden tensions.

The discovery that this wasn’t a one-off but a pattern of disregard sends the father out the door with his daughter for a late-night meal and heart-to-heart. It’s a story of parental loyalty, clashing expectations, and the quiet pain of a teen whose needs are overlooked, sparking a debate about fairness in a blended family.

‘AIW for taking my daughter out to eat?’

So I (39M) have a (16F) daughter from a previous marriage. For context, I met my now wife (37) when my daughter was 10, and she had a son (7M) when we met. Our relationship was great, and our connection was really present throghout our relationship. 5 months into our relationship, I introduced her to my ex (35F) and my daughter.

my ex and wife were cordial, and my daughter warmed up to her quickly. From what I know, they had a good relationship. My daughter grew up sort of a picky eater. For example She won't eat things like oatmeal, tomatoes, garlic, mushrooms, barbecue ANYTHING salty, or sour, etc. She loves spicy food, sweets, and all that.

(And you could not trick her into eating anything she didn't like. When she was 13, i put 1 garlic clove in the melted butter i was using to make her grilled cheese. Idk how, but she could taste it, and i knew for a fact tbe taste wasn't that strong. Her taste senses amazed me.

Oh, she ignored me for a whole week and didn't eat anything i cooked for her. I never tried anything like that again). I work a 5-8 shift, but yesterday I got off around 9 because my group and I wanted to hurry and finish our part of a work project we had. When I got home, my wife had already prepared dinner and left my plate in the oven.

I heated my food and stood at the island and chatted with my wife, who was with our son in the living room. As I was eating, I realized that my wife had cooked garlic stir-fried rice, barbecue chicken, and a vegetable salad consisting of corn, tomatoes, mushrooms, and spinach.

I stopped chatting with my wife and just observed my plate for a good 5 minutes. My wife asked what was wrong and if I disliked the food. Finally, after an eternity, I asked what my daughter had eaten because Everything she cooked were all foods my daughter disliked.

ADVERTISEMENT

She was quiet for a few moments before finally saying that my daughter had not eaten since lunch. Needless to say, I was upset. I asked her why she didn't switch up the meal to accommodate my daughter's palette.

She got really defensive and started saying my daughter was being dramatic and it was just food so she could still eat if she was hungry we argued and I reminded her that it wasn't that simple for a picky eater like my daughter.

ADVERTISEMENT

After a while of going back and fourth I decided to end the conversation by ignoring my wife, i felt that my daughter wishes were disregard. I took my daughter out to eat, I also brought her some sweets and we bonded and talked a lot.

I discovered my wife has been purposely cooking food my daughter doesn't like. My daughter has never been one to complain so she has been using money from her paycheck and she wasnt going to eat this particular night because she had no intentionof pulling money out of her account savings.

ADVERTISEMENT

We got home around midnight and my wife was upset that I took my daughter out instead of convincing her to eat her cooking. Me and my wife are going to have a long chat when I'm off work.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

A family dinner should bring people together, but when it’s a deliberate exclusion, it’s more like a power play. The father’s shock at his wife’s cooking choices reveals a deeper issue: a stepmother’s refusal to accommodate a teen’s well-known food preferences. This isn’t just about picky eating—it’s about respect and inclusion in a blended family.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, says, “Stepparents must build trust by honoring a child’s needs, not dismissing them” (Stepfamily Magazine). The wife’s actions, cooking foods the daughter consistently avoids, suggest a lack of empathy, risking alienation. A 2022 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 70% of stepchildren report feeling marginalized when their preferences are ignored (APA). The daughter’s silence, resorting to her own paycheck for food, shows resilience but also highlights the wife’s failure to nurture.

ADVERTISEMENT

The father’s choice to take his daughter out was a stand for her dignity. Dr. Papernow advises open dialogue: “I need us to ensure everyone feels included at meals.” Teaching the daughter to cook, as Redditors suggest, could empower her, but the wife must also commit to compromise, like preparing one dish the daughter enjoys. A family meeting to set meal expectations could prevent future conflicts and rebuild trust.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew dove in with gusto, dishing out support for the dad and some sharp words for the wife’s tactics. They praised his protective instincts while questioning her motives. Here’s the unfiltered take from the online squad:

ithinkkare − -teach her to cook- it is the job of her parents to teach her life skills like cooking so everyone failed her on that one. -teach her how to shop for her meals. -discussion with wife as to why she doesn't like your kid

ADVERTISEMENT

-sit down with your daughter and figure out what else your wife does against her that she just doesn't bother telling you about. -sure your daughter would love dad/daughter dinners more often. Not wrong, but not right.

steivann − And she's 16. Teach her how to cook. And make sure there is enough food for her to cook. If possible sometimes give her pocket money for emergencies which she can use to order food

[Reddit User] − Stuck on you putting garlic in/on grilled cheese and you expecting her not to taste it….?

ADVERTISEMENT

tiredandshort − NTA because from your description of what your daughter said, it seems like this has been an issue. The comments about teaching your daughter how to cook are irrelevant because that’s kind of the equivalent of her just going out to buy food, which she’s already been doing.

She didn’t complain, she didn’t whine. She simply didn’t eat it. Not only that, she was using money from her OWN paycheck?? How often???? It’s a parents job to provide food for their kids. Everyone on the other post is acting like she’s a picky eater brat, but she literally didn’t complain and just found and paid for her own solution.

HOW is that being a brat? It’s within anyone’s right to not eat something they don’t want, no matter how annoying other people think picky eaters are. Instead of coming to you first and telling you “hey, I can’t cook this limited anymore”

ADVERTISEMENT

and then reaching a plan of action together, your wife just decided to say f**k it. She never let you know to give you even the chance to meal prep for your own kid, or ANY sort of compromise. How long has this been going on for??? How long has she been excluding your daughter from meals?

[Reddit User] − You are not wrong OP!. I congratulate you for being an outstanding parent to your daughter!!. You are good dad! You’re a real good dad!. Thank you with my whole heart for not ignoring your child.

[Reddit User] − Deliberately cooking things someone doesn’t like is cruel. Your wife is a s**tty person. However your daughter is old enough to do her own cooking if she had food aversions. Make sure she has the ingredients she needs to make her meals and have a talk with your wife about her attitude.

ADVERTISEMENT

aviva1234 − This isn't about food. This is about why your wife is choosing to declare war on your daughter. Why she chooses to make foods she knows your daughter won't eat. Why she doesn't care that your daughter is hungry

Ninja-Panda86 − If the wife is purposefully cooking foods with full intention of forcing it in the face of some who doesn't like the food - that in itself is troubling. I could understand if it was once in a blue moon and the step mom is forgetting here or there.

But if the mother is doing it on purpose, every night, with the intention of forcing kiddo to 'eat it or starve' then I have so many questions! If this is one of those things of 'they just need to do why I tell them, their feelings be damned' that is NOT something I'd abide by, as a parent.

ADVERTISEMENT

A family unity is a cohesive structure where people try to meet each other half way and compromise. So-called parents who operate on a 'do it because I did so' mechanic are only interested in control, and it's not productive.

So I am curious as hell where the wifes behavior is coming from.If she's starting these fights because she feels the girl doesn't get to have a say in food, and she just trying to force feed her into eating what she demands, that's a freaky control issue!

If this is how the wife intends to go on, then the wife needs to allow the daughter to cook her own food and have her own snacks. Or the wife has to accept making a separate meal for what is supposed to be HER child too. Not wrong

ADVERTISEMENT

SnooWords4839 − Not wrong, wife is trying to force a kid to eat, what she knows, daughter doesn't like.. Reimburse daughter for money she spent on food, since you pay for her to eat in the home. Also, time for daughter to start having foods she can make herself. If wife is supposed to be cooking for everyone, she is way out of the line here.

heathelee73 − Weird how last week a 16 year old boy absolutely shouldn't have to prepare his own food, but this week a 16 year old girl should?. Hmm, I wonder what the difference is.. You aren’t wrong. Your wife is. Your daughter should at least now how to cook some stuff for herself, but I wonder if she is even allowed to cook in your house.

Does your wife let her? What else does your wife do to make sure your daughter knows she is unwelcome in the house you live in? You need to evaluate if you want a wife that will intentionally cook a whole ass meal that she KNOWS your daughter won't eat.. Your wife needs to grow up.

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors hailed the dad as a hero for his daughter but called out the wife’s behavior as a red flag. Some urged him to dig deeper into her actions, while others pushed for the daughter to learn cooking. But do these hot takes get to the root of the issue, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this kitchen clash has everyone buzzing.

This dinner dispute lays bare the challenges of blending families, where small acts like cooking can carry big messages. The father’s decision to feed his daughter was a stand for her voice in a home where she felt sidelined. It’s a reminder that love means listening, especially when someone’s needs are unique. Have you ever had to step in when a loved one was overlooked? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] AITA for taking my daughter out to eat?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *