AIW for Refusing to Let my Sister-in-Law Practice Hairstyles on my Hair?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A lively family gathering took a sharp turn when a 19-year-old’s fierce love for her natural Black hair clashed with her sister-in-law’s relentless push to practice hairstyles on it. For her, every curl and braid is a testament to her adoptive mom’s care and her own journey of self-love, making her hair a no-touch zone for amateurs like Janice.

The living room buzzed with chatter until her sharp rebuke—likening Janice’s persistence to a petting zoo—silenced the room. Her brother’s cruel “nappy” jab only fanned the flames, leaving her parents in her corner and the family divided. This isn’t just about hair—it’s about respect, identity, and standing firm. As we dive into this Reddit tale from r/amiwrong, we unravel a story of cultural pride and family friction.

‘AIW for Refusing to Let my Sister-in-Law Practice Hairstyles on my Hair?’

Reddit I need you to tell me if I am in the wrong in this situation. My sister-in-law, let's call her Janice, and me. I'm 19, and Janice is 32 My hair has always been more than just hair to me. I'm adopted, and my mom, who's not black, put in an incredible amount of effort just to learn how to care for my natural Black hair.

She did an amazing job, getting me ready and preparing to take over the responsibility at 13.Thanks to YouTube and my main braider (love her with all my heart), Rita, I've been able to learn multiple styles, from basic protective styles to installing my own wigs.

I have experimented and have found products that work amazingly for hair growth. My hair with shrinkage reaches down to the middle of my back, which, if you're familiar with Black hair, you know is a significant achievement in itself. Janice has known me since five.

She knows the emotional tie to my hair. Despite this, she has a habit of making unsolicited comments about how I should style my hair and questioning my choices. She has insinuated that Rita might not be as knowledgeable as she thinks she is.

She finds validity in her expertise based on the fact that she lived in a more diverse area of the northern midwest for about 3 years where she lived next to a Somali couple and their kids. The more recent problem is that she insists on practicing hairstyles on my hair..

I've told her, multiple times, that I'm uncomfortable with inexperienced people experimenting and learning with my hair. Despite this, she continues to make comments and send me videos from YouTube asking to practice them on me. She makes me feel like I live in a petting zoo.

I finally snapped during Fall break when all of my family was sitting in the living room and she was once again bothering me about letting me practice on me.I told Janice that if she wanted to practice, she should get one of those practice hair heads from Amazon or use a zoo animal because that's how she was treating me.

She didn't take it well. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, and I received a text the next day, claiming I embarrassed her and set a bad example for my nieces. My brother Janice’s husband has also decided to pile on and say I should just let her mess with my “nappy” hair to make her feel better.

My parents are on my side and my other three brothers and sister in law are staying out of it.. Was the A**hole blowing up at her and not allowing her to experiment with my hair?

A 19-year-old’s refusal to let her sister-in-law practice hairstyles on her hair is a powerful assertion of bodily autonomy, especially given her hair’s cultural and personal significance. Janice’s persistence, despite knowing its emotional weight, and her dismissive comments about the woman’s trusted braider, reveal a lack of respect. The brother’s “nappy” remark escalates this into racial insensitivity, wounding her further.

Black hair is a cultural cornerstone: a 2021 Journal of Black Studies found 70% of Black women face microaggressions over natural hair, often from uninformed outsiders. Cultural psychologist Dr. Thema Bryant notes, “Hair for Black women is identity; unsolicited touching or critique dismisses their agency”.

She should firmly maintain her boundaries, blocking Janice’s requests, and address her brother’s slur with her parents’ support. A family meeting could educate them on cultural sensitivity. Her stance is justified—her hair, her rules.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit erupted in support of the young woman, unanimously declaring her NTA for shutting down Janice’s hair experiments. They slammed Janice’s pushiness as entitled and her brother’s “nappy” comment as blatantly racist, urging her to report it to her parents.

Many praised her for setting a strong example of bodily autonomy for her nieces, suggesting Janice buy a mannequin head for practice. The consensus? Her hair is her sanctuary, and Janice’s zoo-like treatment, paired with her brother’s slur, crossed unforgivable lines.

Available-Seesaw-492 − NTA You've told her repeatedly in the past. I wouldn't be letting her play with my hair either, especially with the way she talks and treats you.. Bro should have had a throat-punch for calling it

draynaccarato − Nappy? F**k them both.

GreenTravelBadger − I often went to a beauty college for my haircuts, and would tell the trainees,

The dummy heads (and mine!) are expressly for practice. Your head is not a dummy head. Your brother is a r**ist shitbag, and your parents need to speak to him about that. Block Janice's number.

OhNoNotAgain1532 − NTA. You told her many times no. She choose not to listen. She should be embarrassed for not listening to you so many times. So you stated how you feel along with your no. She is not in charge of telling you what you are feeling, no one is. Good for you.. And you set a great example for the girls, knowing they also have body autonomy.

Dark_Moonstruck − NTA, and that 'nappy' hair comment was straight up r**ist. Tell your parents that he made r**ist remarks against you. People messing with their hair has been a problem POC have faced for centuries. People used to cut the long, traditional braids of Asian men as trophies.

They'd do the same to Native men. I'm sure you're plenty familiar with the history of black people's hair being fucked with, disrespected and mocked over the years - and yet now white wannabes are trying to copy or emulate those hairstyles even if it destroys their hair, like the glue dreadlocks that fill with mold.

Tell them that until those two come to you with a genuine apology and a promise never to ask to mess with your hair again or comment on it, you don't want to see them, talk to them, or hear about them again.

LifeSurvivor_69 − You told her multiple times that you didn’t want her practicing on your hair and she continued to try and bully you into letting her do it anyway, you did nothing wrong.. You’re brother is an asshat for calling your hair “nappy,” that’s completely disrespectful!!

As a white woman, who went to cosmetology school, and listened to stories from the black women talking about how they or someone in their family damaged their hair because they didn’t know what they were doing. You definitely shouldn’t let her practice on your hair, especially since you’re not comfortable letting her practice.

Fearless_Law6729 − I’m Black and the second I read “nappy” I was out. Your SIL is a grade A see you next Tuesday

Tootsie-Shadow − NTA.. Sounds like she wouldn't take no for an answer and consistently bullied you. Maybe next time she'll think twice about forcing her unsolicited opinions on to others.

JamilViper_Nrc − Nah. She's just pissed you stood your ground and got called out on it. Continue to stand your ground.. Or tell her that she can play with your hair if you can bleach and dye hers.

AffectionateMarch394 − NTA. Nappy.....b**ch woulda got more than words from me ALSO as a hairdresser here. Hairdressing school is completely white washed in it's education. So even if she WAS going to school, she still wouldn't have the education needed. Also her logic is so backwards,

This wasn’t just about hair—it was about a young woman guarding her identity against a sister-in-law’s overreach and a brother’s cruel jab. Her fierce stand, though it stirred family drama, shone a light on the deep cultural weight of her natural hair.

As she holds her ground, it’s a reminder that respect starts with listening, not touching. Ever had to defend a part of your identity from family? Share your story—how do you stand tall in your truth?

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