AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth?

Jonathan Hours
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In the quiet anticipation of a nursery painted in soft pastels, a soon-to-be mom grapples with a family storm. At nine months pregnant, facing a high-risk C-section, she hoped for unity but found friction instead. Her 13-year-old sister’s jealous barbs and her mother’s demands to include her at the birth turned joy into tension. By choosing peace over drama, she sparked a family feud. Was she wrong to guard her delivery room, or simply protecting her heart?

Pregnancy is a whirlwind of emotions, amplified by health risks and family expectations. This woman’s decision to limit her birth to supportive loved ones clashes with her sister’s entitlement and her mother’s favoritism. As the due date looms, readers can’t help but wonder: how do you balance family ties with a need for calm during life’s biggest moments?

‘AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth?’

Ok so the key players in this story are Me F27, my husband Kerim 40, my little sister Tasha 13 & my mom 58. For context my mom and dad had Tasha as a last resort to fix their failing marriage. I’m nearly 9 months pregnant, like legit 3 weeks out and my husband is a second generation immigrant.

We werent trying but we’re excited when we found out about the baby, we waiting until we were out of the first trimester and told everyone after that. Kerim’s family are super excited and can’t wait to bring the baby to their home country. My mom was happy when we told her but made some grumbling remarks about being to young to be a grandma.

I presumed she was joking. My dad we told separately, he gets on great with my husband and he said he would help Kerim and I with anything baby related. At first Tasha was excited talking about how shes the youngest auntie and it was cute. She is spoiled, I don’t want to call her a brat, but she can get an attitude when things don’t happen how she wants.

But then once we told everyone we were having a girl she went quiet. We didn’t do a big announcement just told people when we saw them, we both have busy jobs and I kept working until recently. Luckily I can work remotely if needed. My dad was excited to be a girl grandad, in some ways I’ve been closer with him after the divorce, my mom put all her effort into Tasha and making sure she was ok as she was the youngest, she s a bit of a golden child for my mom.

Kerim’s family got him a T-shirt that has a joke about being a girl dad on it, I’ve always said he gives off girl dad energy so it’s funny. When I got big, around the 5 month mark I was really ill. I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was admitted to hospital, I have a heart condition so there was always a worry about side effects during the pregnancy.

Tasha refused to visit me in hospital meaning my mom didn’t come either but I understood why a 13 y.o. might not want to come to a hospital. However she has become so standoffish and rude to myself and my husband. Scoffing when we talk about baby girl, joking how emotional I was, saying more trouble than it’s worth with my heart,

she said we stole her favourite name when we announced it as Adley, she’s never said that name before. She also joked about how fat I had gotten, Kerim had enough and told her to grow up but my mom defended Tasha saying she’s probably just a bit jealous about no longer being the youngest in the family anymore.

I tried to talk and ask her what’s wrong but she got an attitude again and told me I made everything about my baby and myself. We were discussing my birthing plan on a family FaceTime and how I have to have a planned c-section to reduce the stress on my heart. I’m a bit nervous but I’ve had surgery before I was trying to get my dad to calm Kerim down and asked if he’d be in the waiting room.

He was really happy and asked if he could bring his ‘good friend’. We all know she’s his girlfriend but they won’t admit it! He thinks he’s too old for that. She’s been sweet and knitted some baby blankets so we agreed to her visiting after the birth. I got a call from my mom and Tasha who were really angry I hadn’t invited them to the birth or told them I had to have planned c-section.

I told them Tasha had complained about me only speaking about the baby and my mom told me to not be so flippant. Tasha was rolling her eyes when mom asked about the surgery, and I know she’s 13 but something about it seems so calculated from her. My mom asked to be there and I said she could be in the waiting room if she would be nice too dad.

Tasha started talking about how long it would take, but I informed her she was only invited to visit after Adley had been born. Now her and mom are blowing up saying I’m cruel for letting a random friend of dads visit but not letting y little sister be there for her nieces birth.. I’m sad as I hoped the pregnancy would bring my mom and I closer but alas.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

A high-risk pregnancy should be a time for support, but the OP faced hostility from her sister and pressure from her mother. Tasha’s cruel comments—mocking the OP’s weight, pregnancy, and name choice—reflect jealousy, likely fueled by her “golden child” status. The OP’s decision to exclude Tasha from the birth was pragmatic, prioritizing a stress-free C-section. Her mother’s defense of Tasha, while dismissing the OP’s needs, deepened the rift.

Family dynamics often shift during major life events. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 55% of pregnant women report increased family conflict due to differing expectations. The OP’s situation, complicated by her heart condition, underscores the need for boundaries.

Dr. Susan Forward, a family dynamics expert, states, “Setting boundaries with unsupportive relatives is crucial for emotional well-being during vulnerable times”. Forward’s insight validates the OP’s choice to limit attendees to those offering genuine support, like her husband and father.

For resolution, the OP could calmly explain her need for a low-stress birth, suggesting Tasha visit later when emotions settle. Therapy for Tasha’s jealousy might help.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s take on this prenatal drama is as fiery as a baby shower sparkler. From support for the OP’s boundaries to warnings about Tasha’s behavior, the community didn’t hold back. Here’s what they said:

Cryptographer_Alone − Even if Tasha wasn't being a brat, you would never be wrong for not allowing a 13 year old at your delivery. No thirteen year old is really ready to be your emotional support, and only the people who can do that for the mother belong at the delivery, even just the waiting room. Further, a thirteen year old is likely to need emotional support themselves, especially as this is a complicated pregnancy with a complicated delivery.

Yes, the C-section may be the safest way to go, but it's not without its risks. A child shouldn't be present at all, period. Congratulations on your little one, and I wish you a simple and straightforward delivery and recovery! Surround yourself with love, and don't take any s**t from anyone who can't do that over the coming weeks.

General-Mechanic2647 − You are definitely not in the wrong. Tasha is entitled beyond belief and it’s obvious she got it from your mom unfortunately. You’re going to be in a C section you deserve to have people who love and support you there. Tasha doesn’t support you and she’s been beyond rude with all the comments she makes. Never leave her alone with your child. Tasha has no right to try to be in the room with you.

SnooWords4839 − Block mom and sister for a bit.

Gjardeen − Maybe you should take a little break from your mom and sister for the next few months. Plan a get together or two for after the baby is born, but aside from that don't talk to either of them. Whatever is going on with tasha, she is needing a ton of emotional caretaking. Instead of doing that, your mom is trying to force you to do it so that she doesn't have to deal with it.

You are very soon going to be a new and o**rwhelmed mom. The newborn stage is an absolute delight, and the most exhausting thing you will ever experience. Please don't drag this drama into it. You will regret it.. -signed, a mom of three who is related to an entire herd of drama llamas

ConvivialKat − If you are having these terrible physically dangerous issues with your pregnancy, you need to just STOP with the Mom and Tasha drama. Send your Mom one text or email and tell her that, on the advice of your doctors, stress of any kind is no longer acceptable and you are temporarily blocking anyone and everyone who is making you even the slightest bit stressed.

And that would include her and Tasha. And then, FFS, just stop with this. For now, until after you give birth, they don't exist. Period. Will they be upset? Sure. But, honestly, does that really matter? This time is about you, your husband, and your baby. Everyone else is extraneous.. Good luck!

chaingun_samurai − NTA. You're entitled to the most stress free environment possible while you're giving birth.

Significant_Rule_855 − You’re not wrong. C-sections are major surgery and the ONLY person allowed in the OR besides the patient and medical staff is the father of the child. No one else. No exceptions. I’ve had both an emergency and planned csection and they’re very firm on only letting the father in not only the OR but the recovery room as well.

Other family is only permitted to visit once you are in your actual hospital room once both baby AND mom have been cleared for visitors.. There is no way they would EVER allow a 13 year old in the OR. Ever.. Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat. My god.. Words of wisdom from a mom who had two csections: They really aren’t joking when they tell you that you have to take it easy after surgery.

The first time I listened, the second time I didn’t because I thought I’d be fine. Nope. Popped multiple stitches, ended up back in the ER and got a n**ty infection that left me basically on bedrest for 3 weeks until it cleared. Make sure your husband knows you’ll need lots of help with the recovery. Even if you think you’re fine, your not. Your body needs to recover. It is a brutal process but it is SO worth it.

You’ll bleed for 6-8 weeks postpartum (they don’t always tell you that so don’t panic) and the best thing to do is listen to your body. If you feel tired, rest. If you have someone who can stay with you to help, it’s a wonderful blessing.. All the best, I hope your little one comes happy and healthy into this world.

seamstresshag − She’s 13. She doesn’t understand the implications of a c- section birth. Did anyone explain it to her? At 13 she doesn’t understand too much about life. Leave her in her child’s place. Be her big sister. She gets to see the baby when you get home. She’s confused and doesn’t know what all the hub-bub is all about. Of course she’s going to roll her eyes. She’ll be okay with time.

HibachiFlamethrower − You’re not wrong. The way Tasha is acting, I wouldn’t let her around the baby unsupervised. You don’t want to call her a spoiled brat but your mom spoiled this child rotten. A 13 year old being this jealous of an unborn baby is a huge red flag. Tasha is a year away from starting high school and is jealous of an infant. She needs child therapy. Again, don’t let her around that baby unsupervised.

ArreniaQ − I got stuck where you said your mother said she's too young to be a grandmother and you says she's 58. Around here I have friends who are great-grandmothers at that age. Yeah, I know, kids having kids, but one of my best friends was a grandmother before she was 40.

Tasha is 13, that's all you needed to say. Puberty and adolescence is all the explanation needed to explain her attitude. Don't engage with her, don't ever expect her to baby sit, and until she's at least 20 don't leave the baby alone with her. Hopefully she will get over it.

These reactions blaze with passion, but do they light up the whole story? Perhaps the truth lies in the delicate balance of empathy and self-protection.

This story of a pregnant woman’s stand against family drama leaves us reflecting: when does protecting your peace outweigh family demands? The OP’s choice to keep her C-section calm was rooted in health and sanity, but her sister’s jealousy and mother’s pushback show how families can fracture under change. If you were in her shoes, who would you invite to your birth? Share your thoughts and family tales below—let’s cradle this conversation!

For those who want to read the sequel: Update: AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth?
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