AIW for brushing my wife’s hair while we’re watching a movie with two other couples?

Picture a cozy rental house, filled with the warm glow of a movie flickering on the screen, popcorn bowls scattered, and a group of siblings unwinding together. In this snug setting, a husband gently brushes his wife’s long hair, a nightly ritual that feels as natural as breathing. But what seems like a tender moment to them turns into a family feud when his sister calls it “inappropriate.” The air thickens with tension, and suddenly, a simple act becomes a battleground of boundaries and perceptions.

This Reddit tale captures a relatable clash: where do we draw the line between affection and discomfort in shared spaces? The original poster (OP) is caught between his loving routine and his sister’s disapproval, leaving readers wondering about social norms and family dynamics. With humor and heart, let’s dive into this hairy situation and unravel the drama.

‘AIW for brushing my wife’s hair while we’re watching a movie with two other couples?’

So a few weeks ago we went out of town and shared a rental with two of my siblings and their families. One evening we adults were watching a movie in the living room, and my wife came back from putting our daughter to bed holding her hairbrush. She handed me the brush, sat on the edge of the sofa between my knees, and I brushed her hair.

There was nothing sexy or weird about it; we were both still watching the movie. But my sister says this is inappropriate contact in the presence of others! I told her she should just face the screen instead of us if she doesn’t like it; but she complained it was like watching us engage in foreplay!

Now my main question is just about combing my wife’s hair in front of others in this setting. But, admittedly, when she said ‘foreplay’ I had to say the next obvious thing about her maybe learning something from watching us. At that point everyone started chuckling which pissed my sister off. The whole group tends to the crass side that way.

For background, I brush her hair almost every night, because I like it long and she threatens to cut it short if I don’t. I’ll also add that my sister is two years older, and lots of people have noticed she’s often a b**ch to me. My sister still won’t let this drop and says she won’t travel with us again. Personally I think going forward we’ll just rent our own place..

More context: I'm 28 and she's 26, we met four years ago and have been married for two years (there is no 'weird' age difference); we live in a condo in a big city (not in a rural compound); we both work full-time (actually met at work and, no, she did not work 'for' me in any capacity; our bosses knew when we started dated, small office; currenty we work for different firms).

I am not dictating her hair length! Reread that paragraph, this time put quotes around 'threaten' to make the dynamic more clear? When we met her hair was to her waist. When we were dating she cut it super-short, which I also like; then she grew it shoulder length and said that I'm 'required' to comb it. Hope that helps.

This may also help: my wife is the sole owner of the condo we live in; otherwise we pool all finances (including the mortgage). So our primary residence is her pre-marital asset. My sister deserves her own post! Here's the issue: my sister seeks control of me as personal validation

It is absolutely a bad relationship, and I thank one of my best guy-friends, an ex-college-gf, and my wife, for helping me navigate away from her to my own space. The ONLY reason we see my sister at all is for the sake of the cousins knowing each other; we would never/ever leave our daughter with my sister.

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The dynamic of this couples group (us, my two siblings, their families) is super casual. For example, we also travel with some of our work-friends and their families and in that setting I would NOT comb her hair in front of the group. Multiple people commented that the hair combing is like trimming nails; I beg to differ!, but point well taken.

Also hilarious because I hate it when people clip their nails at work (which, I think we can all agree, is wrong?). Ultimately, the problem here is that the one person complaining (my sister) is also the one person that I have deep interpersonal issues with; fortunately, that problem is easily solved, because we are never sharing a rental with her again. Thanks again for everybody's attention.

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Family movie nights are supposed to be about bonding, not bickering, but this hair-brushing saga shows how personal boundaries can clash. The OP’s routine with his wife is a sweet, grounding ritual, yet his sister’s discomfort highlights differing views on public affection. To her, it felt too intimate, like a private moment spilling into shared space. Both perspectives stem from valid feelings: the couple’s comfort versus the sister’s unease in a casual but communal setting.

This situation taps into a broader issue: navigating affection in social settings. According to a 2021 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, couples often overestimate how comfortable others are with their displays of affection, especially in family gatherings where expectations vary. The OP’s sister might feel her boundaries were crossed, while the couple saw it as innocent.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Small gestures of affection, like touching or grooming, strengthen couple bonds but can be misread by others”. Here, the hair-brushing likely felt like an extension of the couple’s intimacy, which clashed with the sister’s sense of propriety. Her strong reaction may also tie to underlying sibling tensions, as the OP hints at her controlling nature.

For solutions, communication is key. The OP could acknowledge his sister’s discomfort without conceding his actions were wrong, perhaps saying, “I didn’t realize it bothered you; let’s talk about what feels okay.” Moving forward, reserving such rituals for private moments during group trips could prevent friction. Readers, what’s your take? Share your thoughts below!

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got a lot to say about this tangled tale, and the comments are as spicy as a rom-com plot twist! From calling the sister’s reaction overblown to debating the intimacy of hair-brushing, the community’s hot takes are candid and colorful. Here’s what they had to say:

Old-Station5262 − Is it intimate? Yes, is it foreplay? No. Not wrong

fishonthemoon − You sister is weird

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4mae4 − Sounds like a nice offer on her part to never travel with you again lol. I’d take her up on it!

Evendim − This is the weirdest thing for your sister to get mad over.... You're not wrong. Also it is none of her business.

bananawith3wings − Your sister is probably jealous. Having someone play with/brush your hair feels very relaxing and I would love if my spouse brushed my hair every night. It sounds there was nothing s**ual about this, and your sister needs to chill.

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kcoinga −

umisthisnormal − Hella weird

Mindless-Mongoose-43 − That’s really cute and wholesome idk why anyone would be upset by that. NW, your sister sounds like she just wants to make something out of nothing

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whysitdark − Personally, I think insisting your husband brushes your hair every night is a little odd and doing it in front of company is a little strange. However, YNW. If it’s a loving gesture and you both don’t mind, then I suppose nothing is wrong with it and although I feel it’s slightly odd, the fact that your “company” was your sisters… I don’t find that inappropriate. Your sister is definitely overreacting.

Thistooshallpass1_1 − I think this is weird behavior to do in a group setting. . Especially because your wife is sitting between your knees? I think your sister was justified and honestly, it wasn’t fair of you to make her out to be the bad guy. She should never have had to say something, and the moment you realized you were making her uncomfortable, you should have stopped.. (Also, 10 minutes is a very long time to brush someone’s hair)

These Reddit opinions range from wholesome support to eyebrow-raising judgment, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe it’s less about the brush and more about family baggage!

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This hair-brushing brouhaha shows how a simple act can unravel complex family dynamics. The OP and his wife cherish their ritual, but his sister’s discomfort reminds us that boundaries are personal and tricky to navigate. With a dash of humor and open dialogue, this family could untangle their issues—perhaps over a less controversial movie night. What would you do if a loved one’s gesture made you uneasy? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation flowing!

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