Aiw for breaking up with my girlfriend when my daughter refuse to cuddle me and then run away from me?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a quiet evening, the soft glow of a living room lamp casting warmth, until a child’s sudden withdrawal chills the air. A father, whose world revolves around his autistic and physically disabled daughter, feels his heart sink as she pulls away from him, her usual cuddles replaced by silence. What shifted in those fleeting moments? Whispers from his girlfriend and friend, it seems, left scars he couldn’t ignore.

This Reddit gem pulls us into a father’s fierce devotion to his daughter, Emily, whose needs shape their daily rhythm. When her tears hint at cruel words spoken behind his back, he faces a choice: trust his partner or shield his child. With raw stakes and a tug at the heart, this story begs us to weigh love, loyalty, and the unspoken burdens of caregiving.

‘Aiw for breaking up with my girlfriend when my daughter refuse to cuddle me and then run away from me?’

I (36m) have a 16-year-old daughter named Emily. Emily has autism and physical disabilities with her arms after a car accident. She can't fully extend her arms or make a fist, which makes it difficult for her to grab onto things. As you can imagine, it's really hard for her to get dressed and do other tasks like that.

My girlfriend Mary (35f) and my friend Rachel (31f) were all in the living room with us. Emily was laying on me, and we were all talking. Because of Emily's autism, we have to stick to a schedule for getting her dressed. It was time to do that, so I excused myself and took Emily to her room to help her get ready for bed.

We had just finished putting on her top and were moving on to her pants when I heard Mary and Rachel talking. I managed to get Emily dressed for bed in about 4 minutes. Afterward, I needed to take care of some things in Emily's room, so I left her in the living room with Mary and Rachel.

About five minutes later, I came back and sat next to Emily, expecting her to cuddle with me again. Instead, Emily scooted away from me. I asked her why she moved, but she said nothing. This was unusual because normally she would just say,

I was upset because something must have been said to her, or I must have done something to upset her. I waited until Mary and Rachel left, then went into Emily's room and asked what happened. She was crying. When I asked her again, it turned out that Mary and Rachel had been saying negative things about me in front of her.

I'm her dad, so of course, it made her upset. The next day, I asked Mary to come over and told her what Emily had said. Mary denied it, and when I asked Rachel, she denied it too. I told Mary that if she didn't confess, I would break up with her. Mary never admitted to it, so I ended up breaking up with her.

Caregiving for a child with disabilities is a tightrope walk of love and sacrifice, but judgment from others can tip the balance. The OP’s breakup with his girlfriend, Mary, after his daughter, Emily, was hurt by her and Rachel’s alleged comments, underscores a father’s instinct to protect. Mary’s denial and Rachel’s silence suggest they may have criticized his hands-on care, perhaps framing it as inappropriate, unaware of Emily’s reliance on him.

Such misunderstandings are common. A 2021 report by the Autism Society noted that 39% of parents of autistic children face scrutiny for physical assistance, often misread as overstepping (Autism Society). Emily’s reaction—crying and retreating—signals the comments cut deep, shaking her trust in her safe space.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, says, “A child’s emotional security hinges on feeling heard and protected” (Lerner’s Website). OP’s swift action honored Emily’s needs, but Mary’s refusal to own her words blocked resolution. Her dismissal may reflect discomfort with disability care, a gap OP couldn’t bridge.

For next steps, OP could pursue therapy to help Emily heal and set clear expectations with future partners about his role. Open talks about caregiving might prevent future clashes.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, tossing out bold cheers and biting quips like confetti. Here’s the community’s take:

mockingbird82 − Yes, your first responsibility is in protecting your child.. The only thing I see wrong here is that you haven't mentioned dumping your friendship with Rachel.

HotFox4151 − You did the right thing - you don’t need people like that in yours or your daughter’s lives.. I hope you’ve dumped Rachel as a friend too - she’s just as bad as Mary.

Knickers1978 − Not wrong.. I can guess the type of comments too.. My son is special needs, including autism, but many other diagnoses as well. He’s 23, but mentally he’s 4. I help him a lot, including cooking for him, helping choose his clothes (he dresses himself) and helping him with showering.

He washes himself, I just wet him down and wash the soap off. He dries himself, although I dry his hair and back. I’ve had comments about seeing my adult son n**ed, and how weird that is. I tell people “in my head he’s not an adult, he’s a toddler. I’ve been looking after him as a toddler for a long time.

That you find something s**ual in what I do, that shows more where your head is at than mine”. People just don’t understand that carers can just accept things this way. They automatically go for the inappropriate angle. I’m a 46 year old woman, so it’s not just about the gender idea either.

And I think that’s what your ex and her friend were saying in front of your daughter. They don’t seem to realise our kids can still understand what people say, even if they don’t always understand the meaning of the words. You’re doing great. If it matters, I’m proud to know another parent who cares like you do, and I do, about our children and meeting their needs without thought..

Best wishes🌹 Edit to add: I wet him down and wash him off because if I didn’t, well, he’d make a lovely watery mess in the bathroom with the shower head (which we have on a hose for mobility). Imagine a 3 year old playing outside with a garden hose in summer, dancing around and giggling, that would be my son; but instead of about 3 feet tall, he’s 6’1”.

Expression-Little − Good lord not wrong, whatever those people said to the kid must have been pretty traumatising and I'm gonna guess implying OP is somehow a predator/abusive for...helping his disabled kid with her activities of daily living.

TheBattyWitch − These two women likely sexualized your relationship with your daughter, in front of your daughter who being autistic they just assumed was stupid as well. Unfortunately there are still far too many people out there that want to assume that someone with autism doesn't have the mental capacity to understand anything.

They probably didn't expect her to react that way or to tell you what was said. Unless your daughter has a habit of making up things that never actually happened, which I feel like you would know that at this point, I would definitely assume something n**ty was said and get rid of the trash in your life.

fav_Nono_458 − You're not wrong, it's so messed up from them.

[Reddit User] − I’m autistic. So’s my 19 year old daughter. I believe Mary and Rachel are lying through their teeth for two reasons - it’s very hard to completely hide your emotions in a situation like that. It’s even harder to lie and make up a story like that.

I’m willing to bet that not only did they say something about you, but told her that she’s told old for her to cuddle with you and too old for you to help her change. I strongly suspect they didn’t just attack you but her as well. You’re doing well, Dad. You put your special needs child first. You put your *child* first. We see an awful lot of the opposite of that around here.. You’re not wrong.

Certain-Clock3301 − NTA. Family first always, especially kids.

Zzrrmg − Would they have made comments if you were her mom, most likely not. They are the weirdo’s for even thinking like that.. Thank you for being an amazing dad and putting your daughter first.

EnvironmentalOven703 − F them! Such a good father. Much respect

These spicy takes light up the thread, but do they nail the heart of the matter or just fuel the fire? Reddit’s got a flair for rallying behind a dad who puts his kid first!

This tale leaves us wrestling with loyalty and the fierce pull of parenthood. The OP’s choice to end his relationship over his daughter’s pain sparks a question: was he too hasty, or was his gut right? How would you handle a partner whose words hurt your child? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this emotional puzzle together.

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