AITH for pushing my fiancé to get a lawyer to force his ex to sell/refinance to get his name off the mortgage?

How long should someone tolerate a former spouse ignoring court-ordered financial obligations? Divorce settlements aim for clean breaks, yet enforcement often falls to the wronged party years later. Protecting future shared finances becomes urgent when marriage looms.

This woman discovered her fiancé remains tied to his ex-wife’s mortgage five years post-divorce, despite decree requirements to remove him. The ex now rents the property profitably while refusing to refinance or sell. Pushing for legal action strained coparenting ties and sparked accusations of troublemaking, raising questions about reasonable self-protection versus stirring drama.

‘AITH for pushing my fiancé to get a lawyer to force his ex to sell/refinance to get his name off the mortgage?’

The relationship progresses amid lingering ties from the fiancé’s divorce.

I (36f) have been with my partner (48m) for a year now. He’s it for me. Definitely the best person I know, sometimes too nice to people that he gets...

His ex got remarried a year ago, has a 5 year old with her now husband. They have 2 kids (14 and 17) but despite joint custody, they are w...

I don’t mind, they’re old enough to choose where they want to be. She used to live in the same city, but then she and her husband bought a house...

His ex got the house in the divorce. As part of their divorce decree, his ex had 1 year to remove his name from the mortgage. 4 years later, and...

Financial implications emerge as marriage approaches.

I have been asking him to talk to her about removing his name from the property because his name is still attached to the debt. She tells him that she...

It’s also a different process to refinance the house since it’s now an investment property. And they refuse to sell due to the income they are generating from it.

She had a brand new car before, sold it to decrease her DTI ratio, bought the house and rebought a brand new luxury vehicle. My partner wants to finance a...

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That mortgage debt is also bringing his debt ratio higher than it should. I told him to remind her again of her two options. She told him she can’t afford...

Her new husband and my partner run in the same circle, have the same friends, etc. They were all “friends” before I came along. I am all for coparenting and...

but their relationship was very weird to begin with. Now, since I’ve been pushing him to talk to her about getting his name off, they have completely stopped talking to...

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They exclude him from events. They don’t answer his calls. For things involving our kids, we have to call or text from the kids cell phone in order for them...

I feel like when he was single for five years, he never ruffled any feathers and they never had any problems but now I’m making it a big issue. My...

I told him if he doesn’t get a lawyer, I will get a lawyer for him, because she’s in violation of their divorce decree. When we get married, his debt...

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The delay exposes risks in incomplete divorce financial separations. Decree violations like missed refinancing timelines burden the removed party with ongoing liability. Renting the property complicates matters further as investment status alters lending terms.

The ex’s choices—new home, luxury vehicle—prioritized lifestyle over obligations. The fiancé’s passivity enabled prolongation, potentially from conflict avoidance. Social fallout reflects enmeshed coparenting dynamics disrupted by enforcement.

Divorce attorney Laura Wasser advises that “Post-decree enforcement motions compel compliance or sale when refinancing fails, protecting credit and future borrowing.” (It’s Over Easy, 2023) This avenue exists despite rates. Prenuptial agreements safeguard premarital liabilities.

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Pursuing counsel clarifies options without immediate confrontation. Documenting refusal builds cases for contempt. Delaying marriage until resolution prevents shared exposure. Therapy addresses avoidance patterns. Clear communication frames protection as partnership priority, not punishment.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Social media users firmly supported pursuing legal action, viewing the ex’s noncompliance as unfair while noting the fiancé’s prior inaction.

Most urged protecting finances before marriage.

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SatelliteBeach123 − And this is a problem when you don't sell the house in a divorce. Yes, the court order can stipulate that the holder of the house has to...

They don't have to provide financing and often the spouse that gets the house doesn't qualify for the loan. You can get an attorney to try and force her to...

If the order stipulates that if she can't refi THEN the house must be sold that's a whole different story but many times that language isn't included in the settlement.

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virtualchoirboy − When we get married, his debt becomes my debt. Not if you have a prenup. Assets and debt from prior to the marriage CAN stay separate.

You'd need to talk to a lawyer to make sure you know how it works in your area, but this is a conversation that you MUST have if you still...

That being said, I would be more of the opinion that a marriage cannot happen until the debt issue is resolved.

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Sassrepublic − NTA. Stand your ground on this and do not marry him until his name is off the mortgage. Technically you can keep the debt separate if the two...

Make it clear there isn’t going to be a wedding until this is handled and stick to it. And if he still doesn’t take care of it please listen to...

Others highlighted potential benefits and fiancé’s role.

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[Reddit User] − NTA but your fiancee is a bit spineless for letting this go on so long to the point where it's become a detriment to his life. That,...

Charming-Design7133 − Since he is on the mortgage and it's now earning money, isn't he entitled to half the income the property makes?

JJQuantum − NTA. He does need to get a lawyer. DO NOT get married until this is settled.

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[Reddit User] − Nah get a lawyer she playing him

ihatemopping − NTA but you might also tell him to look into whether the mortgage can be “assumed”. That allows her to assume the mortgage under just her name but...

Knittingfairy09113 − NTA He needs to get an attorney. She should have refinanced while rates were lower and prior to buying the new house. Her poor planning is not his...

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Strict-Boss-5049 − Honestly I'd tell her to give him contracts of the tenant agreement (so you're aware of the specificslike what they pay and liability and such)

and he gets half the income from that since she refuses to sell/remove his name. Technically, it's still his too so fine that income is his too

This unresolved tie illustrates why clean financial breaks matter in divorce. Ignoring decree terms invites exploitation, impacting new relationships. Protecting shared futures justifies firm action despite social costs.

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Would you marry with a partner’s name still on an ex’s mortgage? How aggressively should one enforce old court orders affecting current life?

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