AITH for planning to divorce my wife?

Five months into an arranged marriage, a 26-year-old man says he’s already considering divorce—and not because of minor disagreements. He describes living in constant anxiety, walking on eggshells around a wife whose behavior changed dramatically right after the wedding.

What began as polite conversations and reassurance before marriage quickly turned into secrecy, emotional distance, and threats that left him shaken. He discovered she was still in love with someone else and exchanging intimate messages after they were married. Now, whenever he mentions divorce or telling his family the truth, she threatens to harm herself. Caught between fear and exhaustion, he’s asking whether leaving makes him the villain—or the only sane choice left.

‘AITH for planning to divorce my wife?’

It started with what seemed like a normal arranged marriage:

Then everything shifted almost immediately after the wedding:

Weeks later, more red flags appeared:

After that, she imposed strict rules:

Daily life became isolating:

This situation shows multiple signs of emotional and physical abuse. Threatening self-harm to control a partner, isolating them from family, restricting access to information, and physical aggression are all serious red flags.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, who specializes in relationship abuse dynamics, has stated: “Threats of self-harm used to control a partner are coercive and abusive behaviors.” When someone uses the fear of suicide to prevent a partner from leaving, it creates immense psychological pressure and distorts responsibility.

Beyond that, the emotional betrayal and secrecy undermine the foundation of trust that marriage depends on. Living in a constant state of anxiety—fearing unpredictable reactions—can lead to chronic stress and depressive symptoms.

The priority in situations like this is safety and clarity. Seeking legal advice, documenting incidents, informing trusted family members, and possibly consulting a mental health professional are all protective steps. No one is obligated to remain in a marriage where fear replaces security.

See what others had to share with OP:

This story quickly sparked intense reactions. Readers didn’t hold back—many expressed shock, concern, and strong opinions about what OP is dealing with.

A large number of commenters firmly supported OP, saying he is clearly being abused and needs to leave as soon as possible:

Others focused specifically on what they saw as emotional manipulation, especially the repeated threats of self-harm:

Some commenters took a more strategic and practical angle, urging OP to protect himself legally and involve family carefully:

Five months into marriage, this man describes a life defined by fear, distrust, and emotional isolation. When respect and safety disappear, the timeline becomes less important than well-being.

Should someone stay in a relationship out of fear that the other person might spiral—or leave to reclaim stability and peace? If you were in his position, would you wait longer, or walk away now?