AITAH to tell my GF that she has to pay her family and I won’t?

A new dad thought he was stepping up by supporting his newborn daughter, but his girlfriend’s unilateral decision to move her mom and sister in as paid childcare providers—costing $500 a month plus $600 in extra bills—left him fuming. Told he had “no say” as the father, he put his foot down, demanding she cover the costs of her family’s deal. Now, their relationship is on shaky ground as he questions her respect for his role.

His Reddit post spills the frustration of a man caught between fatherhood and fairness. With his girlfriend’s family reaping benefits while he foots the bill, the story sparks debates about partnership, financial boundaries, and parental rights. Is he wrong for refusing to pay, or is his girlfriend’s power play the real issue?

‘AITAH to tell my GF that she has to pay her family and I won’t?’

My(24M) GF (27F) refused to allow our newborn to go to daycare. She would only be agreeable if it was her mom or her sister that watched our daughter. My GF made a deal with them that they could live with us and they would be paid $500 a month which is the average cost of daycare in my area. I was told I would be paying them because the mom had lost one of her two jobs and needed the money.

I was not agreeable to this but as the father I was told I had no say. They are alternating who would be watching my daughter, with my GF mom watching her Monday-Wednesday and the sister Thursday-Friday for about 6-7 hours a day. This agreement has raised our food bill, water bill and electric bill by around $600/month total.

I made a comment that we should have just put my daughter in daycare and would be saving about $7200 a year. I told my GF she was responsible for their pay and the cost different in our bills. I do make about 3x more than my GF but I shouldn’t be obligated to pay expenses which could have been regulated because my GF choose that I had to. AITAH for making her pay her sister/mom and the increase in bills?

Parenting isn’t split by gender, but this dad’s clash with his ex shows how old norms can stir trouble. By preparing a period kit, he empowered his daughter to face a milestone without fear—a move that’s both practical and profound. Dr. Tovah Klein, a child development expert, notes, “When parents normalize bodily changes like periods, they build confidence and trust in kids.” His daughter’s casual reaction proves she felt supported, not embarrassed.

This ties to a broader issue: co-parenting and gendered expectations. A 2021 study in Parenting: Science and Practice found 40% of divorced parents struggle with role disputes, often when one parent challenges traditional “mom” or “dad” tasks. The mother’s reaction may stem from feeling sidelined, but her criticism dismisses the dad’s role as a primary caregiver.

Dr. Klein suggests open co-parenting talks to align on shared goals, like their daughter’s comfort. The dad could acknowledge the mom’s feelings while affirming his responsibility. For now, his kit was a win—reinforcing that periods are no taboo. Readers, how do you navigate parenting roles with an ex?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew showered the dad with virtual high-fives, cheering his foresight and calling out the mom’s overreach. Here’s a roundup of the top comments that lit up the thread:

Mother_Search3350 −

She did give me the out of jail free card but I told her I wanted to be around for my child. She told me I could visit my child on some weekends if I had time which she lived an hour away but she wanted to keep our kid close to her sisters/mother. This started a big argument because it sounded like she wanted to keep the child away from me.

This ended with us going house hunting and me spending more than $50k of my savings to buy a house she liked. I woke up at 4am every day to get the home ready for her to move in, I helped her moved and I think during her whole pregnancy I missed one appointment. In the first couple months of being pregnant,

She still worked an hour away but I was able to convince my CEO to interview her for a job that would pay $5 more an hour, would be two blocks from the house I bought and would be another $3-$5/hr increase at annual review. She had a fit because she didn’t have to do anything at her current job and could “watch Netflix all day”.

I pleaded with her just to apply to see if she would even like it but I told her she didn’t have to take the job. I put her on my car insurance which saved her $500/month, I gave her $10k to pay off her car. I do 99% of the cleaning, did a majority of cooking when she was pregnant. Deleted all social media for her.

Stopped working out because she doesnt trust me to go out. And I bout a majority of the house furniture she’s wanted. I even called every day care for our child and she refused to do day care but instead we will use her Family and I’ll pay them $500/month because they “need the money”.

even buy 90% of the groceries and there’s been months that just her flavored drinks have cost me $500-$600!

Mother_Assumption925 − They live with you AND get paid? F no, aint happening.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 − NTA. You can find a safe day care. You’re paying $1100 for a live in nanny that’s spread over two people. I think your girlfriend is being unreasonable and either needs to pay half of the child care or agree to a licensed day care.

East-Tangerine1673 − I'm interested in where you get daycare for $500 a month. Most places around here $500 a week per child.

Apart_Foundation1702 − NTA. Your gf shows a profound lack of respect towards you. She made the decision to move her family in without giving you a say. Which resulted in higher bills than daycare itself. OP, is this a regular thing in your relationship where she disregards your opinion and makes major decisions by herself? This is a huge red flag.

freax1975 − I would have been through the roof the moment they told you, you have no say as the father. I would have just replied

Ballplayer27 − Are you lost? The actual OP here has a GF who lives with him, and wants her mom and/or sister to live with them and be paid to prove child care. He’s 24 but his girl is 27.. In the commenters story, OP is 27 and the GF is 27, and he can only have weekend visits.. How could he only have weekend visits if they were living together?

Not for nothing… 118 days ago he was sleeping with a veterinarian student but then he met a nice girl who got pregnant so he bought a house for them to live in and he loves her. But 171 days ago he had been chasing a women for six months and then SHE became pregnant.  Every women this dude has ever talked to has become pregnant. 27 children in his comments alone.

I find it impossibly hard to believe that every one of these stories is about the same woman. He can only have weekend visits, then he controls the visits. He f**king other women, then he is buying a house for his baby, it’s every direction. It’s far more likely to be b**lshit than anything else and that’s what I called it.

CurvyBellaXO − NTA she made the decision without you, so it’s fair she handles the costs.

cristinamerlini − NTA The baby is both yours it doesn’t belong to just herself and okay her mom is going through a tough time so is the rest of the world. For the amount you are paying your baby should be in Daycare. You both work and she (your GF) shouldn’t make decisions on her own. It’s a 2 way street.

It’s great to have them as a backup for something special or urgent but going over you deciding and expecting you to pay and don’t complain is not the right way to do it.. It seems she might be being “used” by her family as well..and maybe she can’t see it clearly. I’m a mom and almost all decisions go through both me and her father. As a mom I feel both parents have a saying and the decision is made together.. Also, I’m not liking where “this” is going… :(

MeanestGoose − I just want to know where the hell daycare for a newborn averages $500 a month.

These Reddit gems blend praise with a jab at outdated norms, but do they miss the mom’s perspective entirely? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s got Dad’s back for stepping up.

This dad’s fight isn’t just about money—it’s about being heard as a father. His girlfriend’s decision to prioritize her family’s needs over his input, while hiking their expenses, pushed him to draw a line. As he demands she pay, the story challenges us to ask: when does standing up for fairness in a relationship cross into conflict? If your partner made a costly call without you, how would you push back? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack the cost of unequal partnerships.

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