AITAH Parents expect us to have a guest room made up for them?

In a time when home design trends have shifted from rigid layouts to flexible, multi-purpose spaces, a familiar family dispute has arisen. As many of us balance modern living with nostalgic expectations, one couple finds themselves at the center of a controversy: should their modest three-bedroom home be transformed into a permanent hotel for family visits?

Amid living in a space designed for everyday comfort and functionality, the couple is pressured by parents who insist on a dedicated guest room—a room that remains unused for the vast majority of the year. The tension is palpable as the couple explains that they use one bedroom for their personal retreat, another as a study or games room, and rely on a sofa bed for the rare occasion of hosting guests.

‘AITAH – Parents expect us to have a guest room made up for them?’

Pretty sure I know the answer but my parents keep going on about this. My husband and I have a 3 bedroom house, we don’t have children. We have our bedroom, then we have my study and his study / games room. His study is in the bigger bedroom so we have a sofa bed for the (rare) occasion we have guests or one of us is ill.

My parents have never stayed with us because they refuse to sleep on the sofa bed and think it is childish that my husband has a “man cave”. I’m happy to offer up our bed but they don’t want that either - they say it’s “normal” to have a room with a proper made up bed in it for guests that otherwise gets no use, as they do.

Fwiw my parents have a 4 bedroom house and one of those bedrooms is my dad’s “man cave” but his hobby is model cars and not video games so that’s more valid apparently. We are moving to a new house on a quieter street that is again, 3 bedrooms and my parents have expressed hope that we will forgo my husband’s man cave and have a room dedicated to them for the 2-3 times a year they might visit.

I disagree as this is our house, we live in it, and we choose how the rooms that WE pay for are used. If we didn’t want the space we’d downsize to a 2-bedroom house. I’m planning to buy a new sofa bed anyway as the one we have isn’t that comfortable so fair enough, but they’re against ANY sofa bed even a fancy one that costs more than our own bed.. So yeah are we TAH?

Modern interior design experts note that the concept of a “guest room” has evolved significantly over time. Today’s living spaces are increasingly designed to be flexible and multi-functional. By opting for a comfortable sofa bed rather than an unused, dedicated room, the couple is embracing modern trends while maximizing the efficiency of their limited space. This approach is both cost-effective and tailored to contemporary lifestyles, where guests rarely require an entire room for short visits.

The underlying conflict in this scenario extends beyond mere furniture choices—it touches on family dynamics and traditional expectations. Experts suggest that when family members press for changes based solely on sentimental or outdated norms, it is essential for homeowners to communicate their needs clearly. A well-designed space should serve the lifestyle and practical requirements of its occupants rather than cater to infrequent demands. This perspective underscores the importance of re-evaluating long-held beliefs about what a home should provide for guests.

Renowned interior designer and lifestyle commentator Joanna Gaines often speaks about the balance between tradition and modernity. She emphasizes that “a home must reflect the people living in it,” not the expectations of others. Her advice, which you can read more about on various design blogs and publications, encourages homeowners to prioritize functionality and personal taste over the relentless pressure to conform to traditional standards. This insight is particularly relevant here, where parents’ insistence on a dedicated guest room overlooks the couple’s pragmatic use of space.

Ultimately, the decision to retain a flexible, multi-use room reflects a broader trend in modern home design. Homeowners are increasingly prioritizing efficiency, personalization, and dynamic use of space. While family members might feel that a dedicated guest room is the norm, experts argue that such rigid expectations can lead to unnecessary tension. Embracing a more fluid definition of home is not only practical but also indicative of the evolving priorities in today’s society, where personal choice should lead the way.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community has weighed in with a mix of humor and practical advice. Many commenters support the couple’s stance, pointing out that the modern home is not a hotel and emphasizing that functionality should trump outdated expectations.

The responses vary from playful jabs—suggesting that only those who pay for a stay can pick a room—to outright endorsements of the couple’s right to design their space on their own terms. The consensus tends to favor personal freedom over pressured conformity, encouraging the couple to maintain their boundaries and focus on what works best for their lifestyle.

tolgren − It used to be normal because people used to have guests all the time. It no longer is because people don't.

Amazing-Wave4704 − Look its pretty obvious this is targeting your husband. So they dont mind YOU having an office. Just HIM. I can't even call it passive aggression. Its just aggression. It is time for you to one hundred percent have his back. Tell them you understand if they feel more comfortable staying in a hotel, but this is no longer up for discussion

Rosietheriveter15 − You know who has rooms dedicated to having beds- hotels.

DivineTarot − NTA Honestly, the emphasis on your husbands hobby makes me think this isn't just about the guest room, but more like your parents have chosen to make one big issue out of two. They're mad you don't have a specific little room that they could eventually slot into when they're infirm, and they disapprove of your husbands hobby.

Like, I think even with the murphy bed people are recommending your parents would still throw a fit because it isn't **exactly** what they want, which more or less includes pressuring your husband to be more your parents kinda people.

[Reddit User] − Tell them you and your husband want a dedicated games room for when you guys visit. If they don’t want to, “then stop telling us what to do with our home and we’ll stop telling you what to do with yours.”

One_Winged_Dove − Tell them that your compromise is a Murphy bed, one of those lovely beds in a cupboard things, expensive so they have to pay for it.. NTA. We had a designated spare bedroom for years and no visitors. So we took the bed out and turned the room into a library.

Then for some reason we got a bunch of visitors over several months. So we put the bed back in there, but kept the room as a library, it's rather cramped but it's a good place to lay down and read a book and hide from the kids, so still winning!

NellyGracee − NTA. They’re being super unreasonable. It’s ur house, not a hotel. They don’t get to dictate how u use ur space.

SitcomKid411 − I have a large house and no guest rooms. I decided on our first hosted holiday when people were picking bedrooms and critiquing our decorations. Sorry, only those that pay can stay.

Acrobatic-Pudding-87 − Ask them what they’d do if you couldn’t afford three bedrooms or had kids. Then tell them to imagine that’s reality.

MidnightHavoc_ − Sounds like your parents need to realize that the only thing more childish than a man cave is expecting a full time guest room in someone else’s house!

Ultimately, this story is about more than just a guest room—it’s a reflection of shifting lifestyles and the challenge of balancing familial expectations with personal choices. The couple’s decision to stick with a flexible setup underscores a broader trend in modern home design, where practicality and efficiency are paramount.

Do you think it’s unreasonable for parents to expect a dedicated guest room when the household is designed for everyday living? How should we navigate family pressures when our personal space no longer conforms to old standards? Share your thoughts and join the discussion—after all, a home should be a true reflection of its owners, not a canvas for outdated expectations.

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