AITAH if I kick my mom out of my apartment?

Step into a cramped studio apartment, where a young woman’s kind gesture turns into a snoring nightmare. Offering her mother a temporary stay while her father is hospitalized, she soon finds her space overtaken by complaints and jackhammer-like snores.

Her mother, unhappy with her own nearby apartment’s paint smell and noisy neighbors, lingers far beyond the agreed few days, pushing her daughter’s patience to the brink. After helping her parents find an affordable place, she’s desperate to reclaim her sanctuary. Reddit’s abuzz with takes on whether her urge to evict her mom was fair or too harsh.

‘AITAH if I kick my mom out of my apartment?’

My mom, dad, and I were living together but, I finally decided to move out on my own a few months ago. I got a nice studio apartment but shortly after my dad went in the hospital and left my mom alone at their apartment and the rent was too expensive for them to manage. I decided to help them find a new, 1 bedroom apartment closer to me (less then 5 min. away).

It’s nice but she doesn’t like it. It was really hard finding them an apartment that was in their budget (they both are retired). My dad is still in the hospital and I was going on vacation for a few days. I asked my mom if she would like to stay at my place until I got back and she agreed. But now it’s been over 3 weeks and she won’t leave my studio apartment!

She complains about her new apartment smell (new paint) and the neighbors making noise upstairs. But she’s in my apartment snoring in my ear every night like a f$&@*?#% jackhammer!! I don’t want to be rude and tell her it’s time to get out, but I want my apartment back and I’m tired of hearing her snore and take up my little apartment space. It’s so uncomfortable..

** **UPDATE** ** 5/25/23

She finally packed up her stuff and left! I am so f****** happy right now!! I got my space back and I even spent some time with her at her new apartment and made her something to eat. Now I get to sleep tonight with no snoring in my ears or earbuds. Thank you guys for all the advice and suggestions!

Family ties can strain when personal space is at stake, as this young woman discovered when her mother overstayed in her studio apartment. Offering a temporary haven during her father’s hospitalization was compassionate, but her mother’s refusal to return to her own nearby apartment—citing paint smells and noise—created tension. The mother’s loud snoring and space-hogging disrupted her daughter’s life, highlighting a clash between filial duty and personal boundaries. Her eventual departure, as noted in the update, resolved the issue, but the frustration lingered.

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A 2024 study in Journal of Family Psychology found 65% of young adults struggle to set boundaries with parents during life transitions, like moves or illness. Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Clear boundaries preserve relationships by respecting individual needs.” The mother’s reluctance to adjust to her new apartment suggests dependency, possibly heightened by her husband’s absence. The daughter’s urge to reclaim her space was valid, though a direct conversation early on might have eased the tension.

Experts suggest framing boundary talks with empathy: acknowledging the mother’s fears while asserting the need for space. For others in similar spots, setting a clear move-out date upfront or offering to help with the new apartment’s issues—like noise-canceling solutions—can prevent overreach. The daughter’s help in securing her parents’ apartment showed care, but her mother’s prolonged stay tested limits.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit dished out a mix of empathy and tough love for this space-starved daughter. Here’s what they said:

Principessa- - Nta. Can you talk to her, with a mix of compassion and boundaries? “Mom, I love you so much. And I know it’s probably scary and upsetting for you to spend nights alone without dad, and in a new place to boot. But I want to help you through it, because this arrangement is not good for me as it is..

How are you feeling? What are your concerns about being in the apartment, and how can I help? Would you like me to stay with you in your place three times a week in the evening (or whatever works for you)? Would it be easier if a girlfriend stayed with you there for a week, to help acclimate?

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Staying here (your apartment op) cannot be a long term solution, and it is time to lean to adjust to the new changes. I want to help you be more comfortable in your own place, so that I can be comfortable in mine.”

Mocha_Coffee0102 - No you’re not! She has a whole apartment a few minutes from you. She needs to get out of your place. That’s not fair that you have to squeeze up with her and you don’t have privacy and she has a whole apartment not being occupied. I would have a conversation with her and tell her how I feel about her leaving.

Tmpowers0818 - NTA you have to tell her to leave or she will continue to stay

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DJ4116 - NTA. But you really shouldn’t have invited her to stay with you. Lol. Tell her the truth and kick her out!

Laquila - NTA. The only person being rude is your mother. For overstaying. For crowding you out while she has her own place. For only thinking of herself and her comfort. Stop feeling bad for her that she's alone. What's wrong with being alone? She's not 5 years old. Tell her to leave immediately.

CakeZealousideal1820 - Tell her your landlord wants her out immediately NTA don't ever let her stay again. She won't leave

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Commercial-Push-9066 - NTA It’s obvious that it’s not the apartment at issue. She was willing to stay ALONE at your studio when you were on vacation because she knew you would be coming home. It’s not healthy for her to cling to you instead of learning to be independent. She’s prolonging the inevitable. At some point she may be a widow and needs to learn to live alone.

czylyfsvr - I don't know what state you live in, but in some states, anyone who lives somewhere for 30 days has tenancy rights meaning you'll have to have them evicted to get them out. Food for thought.

Tarashank - NTA. Tell her that her presence is interfering with your pursuit of a spouse. That will usually get any parent motivated

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lechitahamandcheese - Prearrange a time to get your locks changed. When you’ve got a date and time, send her out on an errand and during that time, pack up her stuff and put it in the trunk/boot of your car. When she comes back from the errand, stop her at the door and say you’re both going to lunch. Take her to lunch, then her apartment,

get her stuff out of your car and tell her she’s moving back home right now because you need your place back to yourself, you’re sorry it’s come to this, you love her, but she has taken advantage of you way too long and this is hers to own. If she has her own car at your place, tell her you will drop her back off to pick it up so she can drive it back to her place. Tell her this is tough love, she has a place and so do you.

These takes spark a question: was her push to reclaim her apartment justified, or could she have handled it with more finesse?

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This tale of a snoring mom and a cramped studio shows how good intentions can backfire when boundaries blur. The daughter’s offer of refuge turned into a weeks-long ordeal, but her mother’s departure brought relief. Was she wrong to want her space back, or should she have been gentler? How would you handle a parent overstaying their welcome in your home? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo humming!

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