AITAH husband and MIL bullying me into being SAHM but I paid for our house?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a modern tale of financial clout and shifting domestic expectations, a woman finds herself at a crossroads after pre-baby agreements begin to crumble. The narrative unfolds amid promises of shared responsibility, only to confront a surprising reversal when her husband’s lucrative income seems to empower him to dictate household roles. The air is thick with tension as well as unfulfilled expectations, leaving her overwhelmed yet determined to claim her independence.

Set against the backdrop of an ostensibly stable life, this story exposes the cracks in a marital arrangement once thought balanced. Financial leverage, bolstered by pre-set deals, now fuels a power struggle where respect and fairness appear to be on the line.

‘AITAH husband and MIL bullying me into being SAHM but I paid for our house?’

My husband is rich. Like, makes $50,000 a month rich. We agreed on three things before our baby was born.. 1. If I covered the 20% downpayment on our house he'd cover the monthly expenses including childcare. 2. If I leave my (high paying) job after my mat leave was up my husband would support me focusing on building my consulting business which would give me more flexibility with our baby.

3. We'd get a full time nanny so we could both work (and while WFH get to see the baby) and outside nanny hours we'd split childcare 50/50. The issue came up when now my husband refuses to lift a finger because he's the

I tried to talk to him and he blew up at me calling me a princess and lazy. I guess he ran to his mom because I got a message the next morning saying I am putting the family in financial crisis if I don't be a SAHM for at least the next couple months. AITAH to telling them no I will not be forced into being a SAHM?

Edit: I hope this is clear: we DO have a nanny. I've mentioned this in several comments. However, I am covering all the hours outside the nanny + emotional and mental load of parenting. Given the sleepless nights I have to use the nanny time to recuperate when I hoped to use it to start my business, as we had talked about.

Edit2: While my job paid well it would not cover enough of our monthly expenses and it was very demanding, meaning we'd have to hire much more childcare OR husband would have to do much more childcare if I were to go back. He believes that puts his business, which pays our monthlies, in jeopardy.

That's why it would create a

This is upsetting to me because in my view, I paid upfront, but still am stuck with 100% of the off-hours childcare and not allowed to ask for help. Edit3: thanks for all the comments. I've replied to many. I'm going to try some of the suggestions offered to get to a better agreement. I will post an update with how it goes.

Marriage often feels like a dance, but what happens when one partner changes the steps? This mom’s struggle—balancing a career with parenting under pressure to conform—highlights a broader issue: the unspoken rules of modern relationships. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Trust is built in very small moments,” like honoring agreements made before life gets hectic. Here, the husband’s pivot to “provider” mode risks eroding that trust, leaving his wife feeling sidelined.

The opposing perspectives are clear: she sees her career as vital, having invested heavily in their shared future, while her husband views his income as justification to offload childcare entirely. His mother-in-law’s “financial crisis” claim seems exaggerated—$50,000 a month offers plenty of wiggle room—but it underscores a deeper control dynamic. Statistically, 60% of mothers who work part-time cite lack of spousal support as a key stressor, amplifying burnout risks.

Dr. Gottman advises couples to “turn toward each other” in conflict, not away. For our mom, this means calmly renegotiating terms—perhaps hiring extra help to free up her business hours. Both partners need to share the mental load, not just the paycheck. Readers, what small steps could rebuild trust here?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, sharp, and laced with humor. The comments range from calls for independence and financial prudence to heartfelt advice about avoiding one-sided partnerships. While each opinion carries its own flavor of wit and concern, they collectively emphasize the importance of self-respect and the need for a fair division of responsibilities.

FIRE_flying − NTA. You need to look after yourself and your child. Your husband is trying to control you. Please be careful in how you handle your situation. Can you reach out to your family for help, and to get some sleep?

StrangledInMoonlight − If he makes $50k a month and you working puts “the family in financial crisis” there’s a giant line of Bull s**t. . Is it mom or husband lying? Maybe he lost money gambling or doesn’t make that much money, or maybe he lied to mom or she’s lying to you.  

cthulularoo − Time to look for an exit. If he's throwing the

Maleficent_Count6205 − I would ask “how is me working and bringing in an income going to put my family in financial stress?” Because that sounds like a bunch of garbage to scare you into listening.

ivorykeys87 − Leave his ass, go get your high paying job back, and absolutely take him to the cleaners on alimony and child support.

Cutecuddler22 − NTA. Marriage is not a one way thing. He’s supposed to help out with things in the house

Successful_Image3354 − I'm confused. How can you put the family in financial crisis by not working? Particularly since he makes $600,000 a year. And you're lazy because you don't want to be a SAHM? None of this makes any sense, and why is the fact that you put down the down-payment relevant?

Chaoticgood790 − I hope you got those rules in writing via prenup

Kind_Management_7455 − I’ll never understand men that impregnate their WIVES and then absolutely refuse to take care of their child. What a f**king pathetic excuse for a man. All he does is provide money. Hope you realize that soon and leave!

Nowelo − NTA - Statistics say that most marriages do not last. Giving up your career to stay at home puts you at significant risk if things fall apart down the road.

In conclusion, this case underscores the critical role of equitable agreements in relationships—especially when financial dynamics are at play. The fallout from unkept promises and skewed expectations can leave one partner feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated. What do you think about shared domestic responsibilities in modern relationships? What would you do if you found yourself facing similar pressures? Share your thoughts and join the discussion.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *