AITAH for wanting to leave my wife because she had a “go bag”?

A husband’s closet clean-up uncovered a shocking secret: his wife’s “go bag” packed for escaping abuse. The find shattered his trust, turning their happy marriage into a battleground of doubt. Her excuse—peace of mind—didn’t ease his sting of betrayal.

This Reddit saga grips with raw emotion and questions of trust. With a toddler and divorce looming, the go bag’s meaning sparks debate. Is it a precaution or a sign of distrust? Let’s dive in and see Reddit’s take.

‘AITAH for wanting to leave my wife because she had a “go bag”?’

My wife and I have been together for 5 years now, we have a 2 years old and we were planning to expand our family. I decided to tidy up my wife's closet because there was a mold problem in garage and I decided to inspect the whole house. There I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons and like $1000. I asked my wife about it and her face suddenly lost its color.

At first she told me that it was just an emergency bag in case we are hit by earthquake or something. I asked her why did she hid it from me then?? After a bit of back and forth, she sheepishly confessed that its a go bag. Basically women who need to flee their abusers are told to keep a go bag with all essential supplies like money and clothes and stuff.

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I asked her why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this. I have never even talked to her in loud voice, we barely have arguments, why does she thinks that I am gonna become an abuser. She said she is not saying I am an abuser, she just wanted to do it for the peace of her mind. I dont buy her excuse, I dont think she trust me.

Otherwise she wouldnt have to go so far. I took some days to mull it over and I have come to conclusion that I cant be with a woman who cant trust me and who see me as a abuser. I asked her for separation and told her that I cant be with a woman who does not trust me.

I believe that trust is foundation of relationship and if she doesnt trust me then its better we part ways.  Now she is making excuses that she read too many 'mommy forums' and let herself influenced by them. She showed me the forums where they discuss 'go bags' and how every women should have one.

I get the logic but I cant stay with a woman who does not trust me to know that she never needed to do such a thing. I agreed to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts not to be an abuser, because she does not trust me.. ​. AITAH?

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This go-bag drama cuts deeper than a packed bag—it’s about trust and unspoken fears. The husband’s leap to divorce reflects his hurt, but his wife’s precaution doesn’t necessarily mean distrust. Dr. Brené Brown, a vulnerability expert, says, “Trust is built in small moments, but fear can drive us to protect ourselves even in safe spaces” (Brené Brown). The wife’s go bag, inspired by online forums, suggests a general caution, not a specific accusation.

The husband feels stereotyped as a potential abuser, a valid concern. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association notes that 30% of women prepare for worst-case scenarios due to societal narratives about domestic violence, even in stable relationships . Her secrecy, though, fueled the husband’s sense of betrayal, highlighting a communication gap.

The wife’s explanation—she was influenced by “mommy forums”—points to external pressures, not personal distrust. Couples therapist John Gottman advises, “Open dialogue about fears can rebuild trust” (The Gottman Institute). Her initial lie about an “earthquake kit” suggests discomfort discussing her fears, which the husband’s reaction may have deepened.

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Counseling could help them explore her fears and his hurt. The husband might ask what prompted the go bag, listening without judgment, while the wife could share her influences openly.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit dished out a mix of fiery and thoughtful takes on this marital mess. Here’s what they had to say:

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joe-lefty500 - OP should consider a less drastic course of action. Marriage counseling certainly. I get his reaction— loss of trust— but because there’s a small child involved, going nuclear is going too far

stories_sunsets - You’re going to jump straight to divorce because your wife has a go bag? Maybe some counseling first?

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balderdashbird - Considering how fast OP went from finding the bag to throw the whole marriage out, them divorcing might be for the best🤔

samski123 - TBH from someone who was out of the blue, suddenly strangled, kicked out of my home in winter in my underwear and had my phone, tablet, and pushbike entirely detroyed, and not allowed access to my own home.....i will always have a grab bag now.

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It may not be that she doesnt trust you, it may be that she knows someone whos been through it, or even herself before. I struggle with trust now after finding out all the things he was doing behind my back too.. I learnt to cover my bases in any outcome.. \*Edit - I am infact a man - just to clear up a few replies.

HarshDuality - I actively encouraged my wife to keep her own bank account when we got together. I want her to have her own money. If she wanted to keep a go bag I would proudly embrace the life goal of making sure she never needed to use it.

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asawmark - I stayed with a man who was very calm. One day he wasn’t. Out of the blue.

Dramatic_Inside271 - Does she have a history of abusive relationships? Because it's all good and 'he would never do that' until he does. I don't have a go bag but I will tell you I always have my keys readily accessible and I think through exactly how I'd get out of a building or situation. Not because I believe or assume that a man might snap... but that I know he can.

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GlassHouses987 - Yall he made a different post cause he didn’t like the way this one was going.

[Reddit User] - I thought everyone had a go bag lol. There’s like a million reasons to have one guy or girl.

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LLJKSiLk - I don't think she's the a**hole here. I don't necessarily think you are, but I do find it kind of silly that you're distilling the entirety of your relationship down to something so simple. If my fiancee had a go-bag I wouldn't care.

She has plenty of weird quirks that give her peace of mind over any number of things. In your shoes I would try going to marital counseling and see if you can get to the root of the issue, because it sounds like you both suck at communicating.

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These spicy opinions light up Reddit, but do they hold up? The debate sizzles with trust versus precaution.

This story packs a punch of hurt, fear, and a bag that sparked chaos. The husband’s divorce push cries for trust, but is the go bag a betrayal or a cautious quirk? With a toddler in tow, can they mend their bond? What would you do if you found a partner’s go bag? Share your thoughts and keep the conversation cooking!

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