AITAH for wanting simple divorce because I am not ready to take my husband’s orphan siblings?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy bridal shop, surrounded by lace and dreams, a 24-year-old woman faces a life-altering dilemma. Her world, once filled with plans for exotic trips and a carefree marriage, has been upended by tragedy. Her husband, a man she loves deeply, has taken in his young siblings after their parents’ sudden death. The weight of this new reality—parenting two preteens at such a young age—feels like a storm cloud over her sunny plans.

She’s torn between love and her desire for freedom, sparking a heated debate online. Her story, raw and honest, pulls us into a whirlwind of emotions, where societal expectations clash with personal dreams. Readers can’t help but wonder: Is she wrong for wanting out, or is she bravely owning her truth? Let’s dive into this Reddit saga and explore the heart of her choice.

‘AITAH for wanting simple divorce because I am not ready to take my husband’s orphan siblings?’

I am 24f and my husband 24, both met at our university , when we both were 18. Got married at age of 21. I run a bridal store and he runs a hardware shop. My husband has two siblings who are 12 and 10, as his parents struggled fertility issues for decade and then had two children later. His parents died two months back in accident.

And left a house but not much money, due to bad investments. My husband took his siblings in and I respect him for that. But it isn't something that i signed up for at such young age. Our whole budget has gone to toss and he will be responsible for their education and other things in future. Yes we both earn well.

But still expensive foreign trips, my high end lifestyle and other things need money. Our own plan was to have five years of marriage and plan child around age of 27. I realized it won't be something i want at this point with too much household work and two kids to care for. I asked for divorce. And has moved out

There are not much assets as we were saving for a house. And I will grant him an easy divorce. I love him, but I am selfish and at 24. I don't want to do all this. I want to travel and live my life. It hurts, but this isn't something I want. I have moved out and he is asking me to solve this.

I can't ask him to give away his siblings to other relatives or social care. I am not that horrible person. But I also don't want to be responsible for them. My parents and siblings are saying that hardships are part of life and i should give my marriage a chance. I don't know. I know I will be very resentful if I force myself into this.

Edit. Need to add. People are talking about my vows with him. My vows and commitment was or is with him. If he was in some accident and had lost his limbs. I would've taken care of him. Because I committed to him.

So please stop trying to put the equivalence with me not taking responsibility for his siblings. I wasn't committed to his family. I was committed to him only. I am 24. Not ready to roleplay a mother role at this age.

Edit . I am depressed with all ytas but it's ok. That s your opinion. I belong to third world country. I am expected to take care of children. Men barely contribute in child raising. Indeed I am not mature enough to raise pre teens at this age.. Aitah?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This young woman’s choice to leave her marriage is a raw reflection of clashing priorities. At 24, she’s thrust into a parental role she didn’t choose, while her husband steps up for his orphaned siblings. Both are driven by valid motives—her need for autonomy and his sense of duty—but their paths no longer align, exposing the fragility of young love under pressure.

Societal expectations often push women to prioritize family over self, especially in certain cultures. A 2021 Pew Research study notes that 60% of women in developing nations feel pressured to embrace family roles over personal goals (https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/03/05/women-and-family-life/). Her refusal to conform challenges these norms, igniting debate about gender roles and the scope of marriage vows.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, states, “The success of a marriage depends on the ability to navigate life’s unexpected changes together” (https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/). Here, the couple’s differing responses to this crisis highlight their incompatibility. Gottman’s insight suggests that mutual adaptability is key, and her exit may prevent deeper resentment for all involved.

For those facing similar dilemmas, open communication is crucial. Couples therapy or clear discussions could explore compromises, like shared responsibilities or external support. She’s choosing honesty over obligation, a tough but potentially healthier path. Readers, how would you weigh personal dreams against family duty? Share your thoughts!

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s community weighed in with a colorful mix of empathy, criticism, and tough love, like a lively group chat spilling tea. Some praised her honesty, noting that leaving now prevents resentment and benefits the kids’ well-being. Others called her timing cold, as her husband grapples with grief and new responsibilities.

Becalmandkind − Bottom line is that this is your life and your choice to make. Whether or not you’re an AH for making it doesn’t matter. You will need to live with your decision whichever way you go and whatever anyone else thinks of your decision.

DistributionDue4863 − **NAH.** You're being honest about what you want, and **forcing yourself into a life you don't want would only lead to resentment.** Your husband didn’t choose this situation either, but he’s stepping up for his siblings because they need him. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s better to leave now than stay and make everyone miserable.

That said, **your timing might feel incredibly cold to your husband.** He just lost his parents and now his wife is leaving too. While you have every right to prioritize your happiness, don’t expect him to see you as anything but selfish in this moment. It’s okay to admit this isn’t the life you want, but be prepared for people to judge you for it.

Wingbow7 − Better to be honest now no matter how much it hurts. If you stay the resentment would only grow. People will always judge you but they aren’t you or in the situation you find yourself.

Ready_Willingness_82 − This is one of those tragic, unexpected situations that move the goal posts. There’s nothing that either of you can do. Neither of you are wrong. Your husband MUST assume the care of, and responsibility for, his siblings, no two ways about it. If you can’t take those kids on, you MUST walk away now and leave him to do what he needs to do.

You are not right for each other, and the one silver lining to this cloud is that you’ve realised that while you’re both still so young and you have no joint children or assets to worry about. You can both walk away quickly and easily and move on.

Would I have taken on these kids if I were in your position? Probably, if I was married and had made a promise. But at 24, would I have wanted to? Oh, hell no. You are NOT TAH for saying, “This is too much for me. I can’t do it”. What WOULD make you TAH would be if you stayed, were resentful and took it out on the kids.

crosswendy − Help me with some math... You met at University at 18, married at 21 but are both

The parents died two months ago and left a house but you are also saving for a house and having these two children in your household for two months has put off your budget badly.

But also you reference needing expensive foreign trips and a high end lifestyle. But

ARTiger20 − NAH. You're doing the most responsible thing you can. The moment those kids were depending on their brother was the moment that everything became about their well being. Children who aren't wanted by one parental figure grow up to have issues because of it.

No one gets a chance to be happy in that situation. You are doing what is best for them by leaving sooner rather than later. It's going to suck for a while for all parties involved, but you're right, ultimately it is the best option.

kayotic012 − I've been where you were when my sister suddenly died leaving a 13 and 11 year old. We took them in, but I had no clue about their backgrounds. The 13 year old was a pathological liar and the 11 year old was a narcissist. They fought constantly and brutally.

Every day when I came home I had a panic attack at my front door not knowing what hell to expect when it was opened. I very very nearly had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a severe depression, losing my dream job over it. I also quit university only 3 classes from graduating with honors to ensure they never went without anything.

Somehow we got them through school and out into the world. If I'd known then what I know now, I wouldn't have made the same decision. They needed intensive mental health services that I was clueless about until it was too late.

You have to decide if you're up to the challenges of raising your husband's siblings and if you're not, that is being true to yourself. If anyone chides you, tell them to walk a mile in your shoes before their opinion has merit.

peabuddie − I like that you're honest, with yourself and with him.

Mini6cakes − NTA. Sounds like your mind is made up. Yeah, it’s s**tty that his parents died and left two kids and no money. Better that you leave now than after 3-5 miserable years of making each other unhappy.

As a woman people are going to be mad at you for leaving, but if you were a man I doubt those people would say the same thing. There is a double standard in what is an acceptable reason for divorce if you’re a man vs a woman.

HelenAngel − NAH Sometimes lives change & people are no longer compatible. That’s what happened here. Go your separate ways & live your lives.

This Reddit saga leaves us pondering the delicate balance between love, duty, and self. The young bride’s choice to walk away is both heartbreaking and bold, sparking questions about what we owe our partners versus ourselves. Her story reminds us that life’s curveballs can test even the strongest bonds.

What would you do if faced with such a sudden shift in your relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep this conversation going!

For those who want to read the sequel: Update: AITAH for wanting simple divorce because I am not ready to take my husband’s orphan siblings? 

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