Aitah for tellingy american relative that concept of overshadowing bride doesn’t work here?

In the midst of wedding preparations, a cultural misunderstanding quickly took center stage when a 22-year-old relative helped guide an American guest through Indian wedding customs. Tasked with selecting traditional attire, she clashed with her guest over a lehenga color—a choice meant to honor local traditions but which sparked unexpected tension.

Indian weddings thrive on shared customs, where guests often coordinate their outfits with the bride’s color scheme. However, the American guest’s differing expectations led to an emotionally charged debate, highlighting how cultural norms can sometimes collide.

‘Aitah for tellingy american relative that concept of overshadowing bride doesn’t work here?’

I 22f have a paternal cousin who is getting married in few weeks. One of other paternal cousin lives in usa and is married to a white american there. They are here for wedding. Let's call her amber. Amber and we get along fine. Not close as we see her rarely.

She likes to keep to herself mostly and we don't bother her. But this time we went for traditional attire shopping and took her. As she wanted sarees and lehangas and we didn''t want her to be scammed by other people. One thing about indian wedding is that bride usually wears red lehnga as bridal attire.

Although other colors too. But red is most common. Multiple people wear red in wedding and noone overshadows the bride. Infact people ver wear their own wedding dresses. Now I bought a full maroon lehnga and out of nowhere amber started calling me names in store. She said I am being b**ch and I want to ruin my cousin's day.

I controlled myself as she is guest and I didn't want to be rude. She said if someone dared to wear white in American wedding, they would've been thrown out. We told her the cultural difference. But she ignored. But she went on and i finally had enough .

I said not all of us are self centred like american people, who throw their parents in old age homes. I know this was harsh stereotype but I didn't wanna abuse and it was only thing that came to mind. But she kept on. I don't regret saying it.

She started crying and we left. Now my uncle, aunt and cousin bro is asking to apologise. My parents say she is ignorant and I should let it go for wedding. But I am standing firm. I refuse to be doormat.. People are saying I am being difficult.

Letting a minor observation escalate into a full-blown family drama is a frequent occurrence when different cultural expectations collide. Here, the OP’s well-meant advice during traditional attire shopping quickly turned into an explosion of emotions. Balancing the intent to help with differing views on dress codes at weddings, this event highlights the delicate nature of cross-cultural interactions. In such scenarios, a simple choice becomes a flashpoint for deeper, unspoken conflicts.

The American guest’s disapproval reflects a set of firmly held cultural beliefs about appropriate wedding attire. While in many Western ceremonies, the idea of overshading or upstaging the bride may be frowned upon, the Indian tradition values a shared display of color and style among guests. This contrast created a rift that was as much about protecting cultural values as it was about personal taste. The situation serves as a reminder that what is customary in one culture can be misinterpreted in another, leading to unintended conflict.

Renowned cultural expert Geert Hofstede reminds us that “Culture is the collective programming of the mind that distinguishes the members of one group from another.” This famous insight underlines the idea that ingrained cultural values shape our reactions, even in seemingly trivial moments. The OP’s intention was to embrace and honor an Indian tradition, while the American relative’s objection was driven by a contrasting cultural lens. Such scenarios expose how the same act can be interpreted in drastically different ways depending on cultural context.

Ultimately, the key to diffusing these conflicts lies in open communication and mutual respect. Both parties would benefit from discussing their expectations well before the event, which could prevent such misunderstandings. Seeking guidance from someone well-versed in both traditions or engaging in a friendly dialogue might bridge the cultural divide. Embracing these differences can enrich the experience rather than turning a celebration into a battleground of competing values.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users are split. Many praise the OP for standing her ground, while some feel a calmer approach might have lessened the tension. Despite differing views, most agree that appreciating local customs is essential at multicultural events, reminding us that even small misunderstandings can quickly become a larger cultural debate.

Majestic_Scarcity540 − If Im going to an event where the culture is not my own, I absolutely would trust someone of that culture to guide me on proper attire and colors. I would not want to look like a fool, especially at a wedding.

BoredofBin − Indian here. NTA by a mile. Do not apologise. You were not wrong, the American culture of

as everyone has their own unique outfit which isn't worn with the primary motive of upstaging the bride. She also needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around customs, norms and traditions followed at an American wedding.

MollyTibbs − Any one who goes to a wedding in a different country and doesn’t take 10 minutes to google the customs is an i**ot. She’s not just ignorant she’s rude and instead of listening to you she started calling you names. Definitely not acceptable behaviour.. NTA at all.

KaralDaskin − BTW, we “put my mother in a home” so she could get the care she needed. None of us has the training necessary to give her that. We didn’t abandon her.

Fragrant-Reserve4832 − I wouldn't understand the culture difference either. .. The difference is I would ask

ColdPlunge1958 − When you are having a disagreement, it's always best to stay to the actual disagreement. When you bring in additional issues it always confuses things. Amber was **massively** in the wrong here. You had every right to stand up to her. Congratulations for doing that.

Hopefully, you'll never be in a similar situation again but if you are, hopefully you won't drag in a random comment about people in another culture treat their parents. It's just not relevant to the issue at hand and so it makes everything very confused.. NTA. One thing you could have improved in this conversation.. I say again, Amber was **totally** in the wrong and I congratulate you for standing up to her.

Bitter-Fishing-Butt − honestly I love the idea of wearing your own wedding outfit to another person's wedding (with permission or invitation or general

epichuntarz − You were absolutely justified in snapping back at her but: I said not all of us are self centred like american people, who throw their parents in old age homes. I know this was harsh stereotype but I didn't wanna abuse and it was only thing that came to mind. But she kept on. I don't regret saying it.. doesn't make you look good.

She probably hasn't reached the point of throwing her parents in old age homes, so your attack was really just lashing out at Americans, not her. Also, do you really not understand why many elderly people end up in homes like this? Many have severe medical conditions that must be managed 24/7 by medical professionals.

Children of parents with dementia/Alzheimer's are not able to care for their parents when they have those conditions. Not only that, when a parent needs 24/7 care for any reason, how can their adult children be expected to work, care for their families, and provide adequate care for their parents?

You said you don't like the part of your culture where men only look for women who will stay at home and care for the kids and parents, so why do you think old people in your culture don't end up in homes? That's right, because women are forced to stay and care for them in their old age. Again, you were justified in snapping at your cousin, but really, the way you did it was really absurd. You should reconsider thoughts like that.

llijilliil − But she went on and i finally had enough . I said not all of us are self centred like american people, who throw their parents in old age homes. I know this was harsh stereotype but I didn't wanna abuse and it was only thing that came to mind.

Why put up with what she's doing over and over and then randomly explode with an entirely different issue? Why decide to attack her coutnry and people as a whole instead of addressing her specific issues? There was nothing you did or said that was going to resolve the issue, you were just waiting long enough until you felt pissed off enough to create two problems for everyone. ESH..  I should let it go for wedding.

Different people have different values based on cultural norms and that leads them to believe in what is right or wrong. And that in turn leads them to interpret your actions differently and respond accordingly. She said I am being b**ch and I want to ruin my cousin's day. I controlled myself as she is guest. You didn't control s**t, you ignored the actual issue, lost control of yourself and then decided to create a 2nd issue (that is worse imo).

How about instead you just calmly said,

You need to stop that right now until you've had a chance to think this through and talk to someone who can educate you on this matter

and allowing someone to disrespect you personally and becoming a raging r**ist a**hole who sits back building up pissy resentment and then unloads a whole range of offensive steriotypes at someone just to be rude and n**ty.. Grow up and take some responsibility for your half of this issue.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She misbehaved and you called her out. She's lucky you didn't set the aunties on her! I'm white Australian and have many Indian friends. I was very lucky to go to Mumbai for a wedding, the bride's family organised for me all my clothes, two beautiful sarees and a stunning salwaar kameez.

My only sadness is I never got photos before they divorced a year later. I danced the whole night at the sangeet, didn't even stop to eat! I have many happy memories of my experience. There's no way anyone can outshine an Indian bride, it's extremely obvious Amber didn't take time to learn or listen. Hopefully she doesn't cause any more drama. 

In conclusion, this incident opens up a broader conversation about cultural expectations and the challenges of respecting traditions in a globally connected world. The clash between American and Indian wedding customs in this case serves as a microcosm for larger issues of cultural sensitivity, respect, and the importance of clear communication.

What do you think is the best way to navigate cultural differences at social events? Would you compromise on tradition for the sake of harmony, or stand firm on your cultural values? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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