AITAH for telling my son that I will not include his son in my will unless he gets a paternity test?

In a family tangled by mistrust and shaky relationships, a 61-year-old father faces a tough call: should he include his son’s child in his will when paternity is uncertain? After his son’s wife cheated and their marriage became a rollercoaster of breakups and reconciliations, the father drew a line, demanding a paternity test before adding the child to his legacy. This Reddit saga sparks a heated debate: is he wrong to prioritize clarity over family ties?

This story resonates with anyone navigating complex family dynamics or tough estate decisions. Reddit’s vocal crowd backs the father’s stance, but is his hard line too cold? Let’s unpack this drama, dive into expert insights, and hear the community’s take.

‘AITAH for telling my son that I will not include his son in my will unless he gets a paternity test?’

I (61M) have a two children Adam (33) and Sarah (29). This post is about my son Adam. Adam got married 6 years ago to his wife Jen. About 4 years ago, Adam and Jen separated because Jen cheated on him. She later told him she was pregnant and didn’t know if the baby was his or not.

Adam was planning on going through with the divorce and getting a paternity test when she gave birth, but he changed his mind when she gave birth. He decided he wanted to give her another chance and make their marriage work. He also decided not to get the paternity test because he thought it would create tension and resentment if he knew for certain that the child wasn’t his.

Let’s call the child Billy. Their marriage has still been a s**t show since. They break up and get back together every other day. He considers Billy his own son sometimes but other times he calls him Jens son. They’re very dysfunctional and the entire family have told them to keep us out of their marriage.

They would complain about everything to us when they had no intention of changing anything, so there’s no point of them wasting our time with their constant complaints. Every year, I update my will. Not drastically, and sometimes I don’t even change much at all, but I go over it with a lawyer and make changes if I want to.

Adam knows this and randomly asked me a few days ago if I possibly added Billy to the will. I said I hadn’t even considered it because I’m not sure if Billy is even my actual grandchild. Adam said any child he considers his son is automatically my grandchild. I said I don’t agree with that under these circumstances.

If he had met Jen when she already had a child and decided to be a father to the child, I would consider that child my grandchild if they got married. But Jen cheats on him, gets pregnant and we don’t even know if the child is my sons or not, and I’m meant to just roll with it? I said if he does a paternity test and finds out that the Billy is actually his, I’ll put him in the will.

But right now I won’t. I actually adore Billy, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve seen him a handful of times in his entire life. He is mostly being raised by Jens parents who live in another city. My son isn’t really raising him, and neither is Jen. They send money to Jens parents to take care of him and visit them a couple of times a year.

With the addition of Adam and Jens relationship being extremely unstable with them breaking up every other day, I don’t want to get involved in any way, and that includes adding a child I’m not even sure is my grandson to my will. I said I can contribute to his life financially in the form of paying for school and anything else he might need, but that’s all I’m willing to do in this current situation.

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My son is very upset with me. I told him that I can remove part of his inheritance and make it Billy’s inheritance if he insists, but he didn’t want to make that compromise so I told him that the discussion is over and he can’t tell me what to do with my own assets.

This inheritance dispute highlights the emotional weight of uncertain family ties. Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert in family dynamics, notes in Family Stress Management that “ambiguous loss, like uncertainty about paternity, can strain family bonds when clarity is absent.” The father’s insistence on a paternity test isn’t just about money—it’s about protecting his legacy amid his son’s unstable marriage and hands-off parenting. His reluctance reflects a need for trust, eroded by infidelity and dysfunction.

The conflict is clear: the son wants his child recognized as family, while the father seeks proof. Such disputes often arise when family roles are unclear, especially in blended families. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that unresolved paternity questions can lead to long-term estrangement, underscoring the father’s caution. His offer to support the child’s education shows care without committing to an unverified bond.

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Dr. Boss’s advice applies: open dialogue can reduce ambiguity. The father could encourage his son to take the test for closure, framing it as a way to strengthen family ties. For others in similar situations, setting clear estate conditions or using trusts can avoid conflicts.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up sharp takes on this messy family saga. Here’s what they had to say:

dijetlo007 - NTA. It's your money, you can do as you like. Adam could give any portion of his inheritance to Billy of his own volition if he so choose, he doesn't need you to codify it. Good Luck

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Medical_Gate_5721 - 'I'm leaving you something. If you choose to share with him, that's great. You have my approval.'

Carolinamama2015 - NTA. He's not even raising his so called son his in laws are so why is he all of a sudden caring what Billy gets left?

Sunnycat00 - NTA Why is this even an issue? If he intends to give part of his inheritance to the kid, then he can just do that himself. I would be more concerned with how to keep that from happening.

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mi_nombre_es_ricardo - NTA. If he had met Jen when she already had a child and decided to be a father to the child, I would consider that child my grandchild if they got married. But Jen cheats on him, gets pregnant and we don’t even know if the child is my sons or not. Yeah I wouldn't be rewarding my son for being an i**ot neither.

But I’ve seen him a handful of times in his entire life. He is mostly being raised by Jens parents who live in another city. My son isn’t really raising him, and neither is Jen. They send money to Jens parents to take care of him and visit them a couple of times a year.

So they're both deadbeats, but want YOU to take care of him?? so they wont be raising a finger por their son but expect both grandparents to do all the raising?You don't even have a relationship with him, so there is really no bond and no reason to give him anything other than the ALLEGED blood relation, which even your son agree THAT IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

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I said I can contribute to his life financially in the form of paying for school and anything else he might need, but that’s all I’m willing to do in this current situation. That's the parent's job. That is WAAAAY more than I would do for that kid.

You are a great man. Took the high road there. I told him that I can remove part of his inheritance and make it Billy’s inheritance if he insists, but he didn’t want to make that compromise. Nahh this is fake outrage, he only wants a bigger piece of your pie.

Annual_Sandwich_9526 - NTA and your son and his wife suck ass

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Dachshundmom5 - He is mostly being raised by Jens parents who live in another city. My son isn’t really raising him, and neither is Jen. They send money to Jens parents to take care of him and visit them a couple of times a year. With the addition of Adam and Jens relationship being extremely unstable with them breaking up every other day.

You're NTA, but your son is a piece of trash. This poor kid is growing under a tidal wave of instability with a maybe Daddy who's not even half in and half out. He's a couple of times a year, dad? Which isn't to say the mom is better. They are both awful people treating an innocent child horribly. I'm kind of surprised you would leave money to your son to become part of his bad choices.

Why on earth should he inherit anything? If anything, I'd leave it in a trust to the poor kid that will need a large fund for therapy as he grows up. The guy who wants to take from his sibling to give to a kid he doesn't even parent is not a good guy here. More likely, he wants to get Billy inheritance that he will then control as his 'parent'.

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[Reddit User] - It’s easy. Stop discussing your will.. Anytime he brings it up say you’ll give it some thought but won’t be sharing the details.

la_ct - Are your son and DIL d**g addicts? Why are her parents raising the kids?

MonikerSchmoniker - Can you write a DNA test into your will?. If proven to be your BIO grandchild, x goes into effect. If not, y.

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These fiery opinions slam the son’s entitlement, but do they miss the child’s innocence in this mess? The son’s flip-flopping on parenting adds a twist—genuine care or greed?

This tale of a will and wavering trust shows how murky family ties can complicate legacy decisions. The father’s demand for a paternity test protects his assets, but is it too rigid for a child he adores? Should he soften for family peace, or hold firm for clarity? How do you handle uncertain family bonds when planning your legacy? Drop your stories and opinions in the comments—let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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