AITAH for telling my mother that her and my father won’t be allowed around my baby?

A pregnant woman, surrounded by the harsh realities of pediatric critical care, made a tough call to protect her unborn daughter. Her anti-vaccine parents, steadfast in their rejection of modern medicine, refused a simple flu shot, prompting her to ban them from meeting the baby until it’s safer. The decision ignited family tension, with her mother accusing her of cruelty.

The clash between personal beliefs and a mother’s instinct to safeguard her child raises questions about boundaries and responsibility. Working daily with infants battling severe illnesses, the woman’s fears are grounded in experience, yet her parents’ defiance tests her resolve. Reddit users chimed in, offering support and perspective, making this a story that resonates with anyone navigating family and health choices.

 

AITAH for telling my mother that her and my father won’t be allowed around my baby?

Growing up in a religious household skeptical of modern medicine shaped the woman’s perspective, but her career in pediatrics solidified her stance.

So I’m pregnant. I’ll be giving birth to my daughter at the beginning of next year. For some background, I grew up in a super religious family that doesn’t believe...

I was somehow lucky enough to get most of my childhood vaccines, however, I remember my mother refusing to let me get my HPV shot growing up because she believed...

Her parents’ distrust of doctors, relying instead on alternative remedies, left a lasting impression, especially as she witnessed their ongoing health neglect.

I knew from that moment on, especially after seeing my family doctor’s face—there was something off about my parents beliefs. My mother very rarely took us to the doctor unless...

even if it was for something we really should’ve been seen for, she’d tell my sibling and I to use essential oils and supplements to treat ourselves.

My parents are still like this, they are incredibly anti vaccine, anti medication, anti anything involving modern medicine. I truly believe that my father probably has some form of cancer...

Her work in critical care pediatrics brought the dangers of preventable diseases into sharp focus, fueling her protective instincts.

I’m currently in the medical field and I work very closely with critical care pediatrics. I often see the terrible aftermath of what a small cold or some sniffles to...

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I’ve seen so many babies put on ventilators, bipap, I’ve seen so many of them permanently disabled or dead because of the flu, whooping cough, or RSV.

When she asked her mother to get a flu shot before meeting the baby, the response was predictably dismissive, leading to a firm boundary.

I recently talked with my mom about getting her flu shot before meeting my baby once she’s here. I didn’t have high hopes for a good answer and I was...

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She told me she takes supplements and never gets sick, that getting the vaccine would only make her sick and that my baby would be fine because she always feels...

fine or not, she could unknowingly pass something to my baby and that the flu shot would help prevent transmission. Still nothing. She doesn’t care what evidence I have, the...

I told her she won’t be able to meet my baby then, not until she’s older. And of course now she’s playing victim. Telling me I’m cruel, that the baby...

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The woman’s decision to bar her unvaccinated parents from meeting her newborn stems from a deep understanding of infant vulnerability, informed by her work in pediatric critical care. Her parents’ rejection of vaccines, rooted in religious and alternative beliefs, clashes with her evidence-based stance, creating a rift. Her boundary is a protective measure, not a personal attack, yet her mother’s victimhood response escalates the conflict.

Dr. Paul Offit, a pediatrician and vaccine expert, emphasizes, “Vaccines like the flu shot reduce transmission risks, especially to vulnerable populations like infants” (Vaccines and Your Child, 2011). The woman’s request for a flu shot aligns with medical guidelines, as newborns lack immunity to diseases like RSV or whooping cough, which can be deadly. Her parents’ reliance on supplements ignores this reality, risking harm.

From a societal perspective, the clash reflects broader tensions between science and personal beliefs. The woman respects her parents’ choices by not forcing vaccines but sets a clear boundary for her child’s safety. Her mother’s accusations of cruelty may stem from guilt or fear of missing out, but they don’t negate the woman’s responsibility as a parent.

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The parents’ perspective might involve feeling judged or excluded, especially in a family where obedience was historically emphasized. However, their refusal to consider medical evidence, despite the woman’s expertise, undermines their case. A compromise, like virtual visits, could maintain connection without risking the baby’s health.

For the woman, standing firm is critical, but verifying any claims of vaccination, as Reddit users suggested, is wise to prevent deception. Long-term, therapy could help her navigate guilt tied to her upbringing, ensuring she prioritizes her daughter’s safety without emotional burden. Offering virtual visits or delayed in-person meetings could balance family ties with health precautions.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many online voices supported the woman’s protective stance, emphasizing the undeniable risks to newborns and her right to set boundaries.

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Dependent-Front-847 − STICK TO YOUR GUNS ON THIS! Babies are hospitalized and die all the time from whooping cough and RSV. Your parents are entitled to be ignorant. They are...

561Florida727 − Your baby, your rules

TALKTOME0701 − NTA Your baby is going to grow up resenting you? At least your baby will grow up. They should be vaccinated for more than just the flu IMO....

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dental_oddity − NTA. I have young nieces and nephews and the amount of things they've picked up (RSV, colds, etc. ) is crazy. If you can avoid another contamination factor...

emr830 − NTA. If they refuse vaccines then no, they don’t get to be around the baby. But be wary that they may lie and say they got them just...

Some offered nuanced takes, acknowledging the family dynamics while affirming her decision.

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NotSoAverage_sister − NTA You are respecting her beliefs. You aren't forcing her to get a vaccine she doesn't want. It's a shame that she can't respect yours. And you're not...

We were so busy being new parents, we didn't get around to a grandparent visit, and then when we wanted to plan one, we couldn't because of the pandemic. But...

But somehow I have the feeling that even if you offered Zoom visits, your mother would still be upset.

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MistySky1999 − My SIL (who gets all her vaccinations) was still not allowed to visit with her newborn granddaughter for 4months just in case of inadvertently passing on RSV or...

After that until the baby was a year old, SIL was not allowed to kiss her grandchild. Do you know what SIL did about this? -- she followed the rules...

NTA. Your mom, her rules and her choices in life no longer have ANY hold on you as an adult responsible for your own family. If that troubles you or...

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Since those backgrounds emphasize obeying your parents in all circumstances and you are having trouble saying no to your mom,  I imagine you have unresolved issues still.

Edit to add: I have profound hearing loss from contracting measles as a child. And measles is making the rounds again.   Edit#2: Gosh, thanks for the award

xenophilian − Keep in mind she may lie & say she got it, rationalizing that it will do no harm

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A couple of comments injected humor to ease the tension, focusing on the absurdity of the parents’ stance.

Positive_Artist3539 − I had a neonatologist tell me, that if you ever actually saw a baby with whooping cough, you would not think twice about vaccinating against it. I have...

To me, there is no such thing as being ivermectin protective of a baby where these kinds of things are concerned.

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katthommo1 − NTA. This s**t can k**l more than just babies. My FIL is currently in a medically induced coma due to RSV as he's immunocomprimised. Let your mother scream...

The woman’s choice to prioritize her newborn’s safety over her parents’ anti-vaccine beliefs sparked family drama but reflects a mother’s instinct to protect. Her experience in pediatric care underscores the real dangers of preventable diseases, and Reddit largely backed her stance. While her parents feel slighted, her boundary ensures her daughter’s health comes first. Should new parents compromise on health precautions for family harmony, or is safety non-negotiable? What’s your take?

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One Comment

  1. Your daughter’s health is more important than any belief. The graveyards are full of tiny headstones for children who died while being treated with prayer and herbal tea because that’s all we had. Now that God’s grace has granted us the wisdom to save them, people should accept the gift. Those who will not can visit via another of our modern wonders–Zoom.