AITAH for telling my MIL she’s lost her privileges to be at any further of my children’s births?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Welcoming a newborn should be pure joy, but for one Reddit user, his mother-in-law’s antics turned sacred moments into a sour memory. During his son’s birth, her meltdowns and snipes overshadowed the celebration, pushing him and his wife to draw a hard line: for future kids, she’s sidelined to brief visits, no sleepovers, and zero drama—or she’s out. Keeping peace with a chatty MIL has been tough, but this was the breaking point.

This isn’t just about one bad day—it’s a battle over boundaries, family roles, and protecting a couple’s big moments. The user’s plan to swap MIL for his own mom as support has her fuming, and he’s left wondering if he’s too harsh. Is he wrong to curb her access, or is this a fair fix for a tainted birth? Let’s dive into this in-law inferno and find clarity.

‘AITAH for telling my MIL she’s lost her privileges to be at any further of my children’s births?’

My wife (24F) and I (27M) have been together for about 3 years now and we have one child together (5 months old).. Further important context:I am an experienced paramedic. My MIL and I have always seemed to have a strained relationship, mostly due to political/religious views,

but I’ve always attempted to keep it cordial because my wife is very close with her mother. Like call her most days, sometimes multiple times. Due to this, regardless of how much she frustrates me because of her relentless need to push her beliefs onto me, I keep the peace the best I can.

Prior to my son’s birth, I was never entirely sure why she disliked me. The only real confirmations I had was that I strongly pushed for my wife to pursue her independence in her senior year of college (get her drivers license, own her own car, get whatever job she wanted) and prior to that she HEAVILY depended on her mothers support.

My wife and I then mutually decided to pack up and move across the country to a more outdoorsy and opportunity rich state. To my MIL, I essentially stole her daughter away to a “dirty liberal state” and took any opportunity for her to have a close relationship with her (according to texts she sent my wife).

Anyway, fast forward a bit and we’re figuring out birth plans with my wife. The original boundary I set was her mom could stay with us for 2 weeks following the birth to assist around the house. Since we moved, our support system obviously was drastically less, and the help would be useful.

Unfortunately, my wife’s pregnancy was incredibly difficult to plan, so her mom ended up showing up about 2 weeks early, before the birth. It was mostly fine (other than it being literally right during the election and her mom would absolutely not stop talking about it), until we got to the delivery day.. Incident #1

My wife was in labor, but no water broken. I decided it was a good time to catch a cat nap as I’d been awake for about 28 hours at this point. My wife had gotten an epidural and was comfortable, all was well. I asked my MIL to keep an eye on things, and I dozed off.

Shortly after falling asleep, I hear the sound of a blood pressure alarm going off. Before I even fully understand what I’m doing, I am on my feet and out the door yelling for our nurse. They brought in medication and my wife did much better after that, but she required adjustments to her medication to make it so her BP wouldn’t tank again.

My MIL was furious that I reacted how I did, that I apparently “gave her an opportunity to take care of her daughter and then ripped it away”. Whatever, we moved on eventually.. Incident #2 The time had come for my wife to be induced and she’s actively pushing.

I am right next to her, holding her leg back and holding her hand, trying to be as supportive as I could. My MIL is standing behind the bed, supporting her neck. During one of the breaks between pushing sessions, my MIL steps back, and I slide my hand behind my wife’s neck to support her head until my MIL is back to take her position again.

For whatever reason, my MIL does not retake her position, and instead steps back and sits on the couch where she remains until the baby is finally born. I wasn’t paying attention to her at the time but she was apparently crying. I originally chalked it up to “my only daughter is having a baby and this is emotional for me”, no big deal.

Until she was still crying an hour later, through the entire golden hour. Then for another hour after that, to the point where the nurse asked if she was okay. I’m not talking about quiet sniffles her, I’m talking snot nosed sobs. Come to find out later, her words and not mine, I had “stolen her moment” during the birth. What the f**k.

Every time I look back on the first two hours with my first son, her tantrum taints the memory. It f**king sucks.. Incident #3 When we finally get home, she spends the first 2 days being helpful, no real issues. Then she starts to attack my wife because the baby is having latching issues.

Mind you, she NEVER breastfed her kids. My wife is struggling from her post partum issues as well as the latching issues, and her mom never missed a moment to tell her all the things she is doing wrong. She also would get upset anytime we put the baby down for a nap because “she’s missing time she won’t have” with him because we live too far away.

At one point, my wife and MIL were in the nursery and they were having trouble setting up our Owlet monitor (which is a pulse oximeter at its basic level, something I have a metric ton of experience with). I walk in and say something along the lines of “Oh I can help with that” and my MIL looks me up and down and snaps “Oh because you know SOOO much about this”.

My wife snapped at her that I quite literally use them daily, and my MIL stormed out of the room. Anyway, that’s just a taste of the essentially daily and nightly torment we went through for a month with her MIL during the first kid. We haven’t told her this yet, but we plan on having INCREDIBLY strict guidelines for the next two kids we plan on having.

She’s only allowed to visit us for the first 3 days following the birth, she cannot stay at our house, and any sideways comments or “woe-is-me” moments will result in her being kicked out. My parents took a backseat to MIL during the first birth (even though MIL has two other grandchildren and this was my parents first) so I plan on asking my own mother to stay with us for the first adjustment period instead..

Does this seem harsh? Or is there a better way to go about this? TL;DR MIL made the birth of my first child all about her and spoiled a ton of precious memories, so now she has strict guidelines to the next two kids we plan to have, including not being allowed to be present for the birth itself.

Births are intimate, high-stakes moments, and the Reddit user’s MIL turned his son’s into her personal stage. Her sobs over “stolen moments” and digs at his wife’s breastfeeding weren’t just intrusive—they hijacked a milestone. Setting strict rules for future births—three-day visits, no staying over, and a no-tolerance policy for drama—isn’t punishment; it’s a shield for the couple’s peace. The user’s paramedic instincts, honed under pressure, make his frustration over her negligence during a BP scare all the more valid.

This clash reflects a wider issue: in-laws overstepping during childbirth. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 50% of new parents report in-law conflicts during the postpartum period, often tied to unmet expectations (source: apa.org). The MIL’s fixation on her own role—crying for hours, sniping at nap times—fits that pattern, sidelining the new parents’ needs. Her resentment over their move only fuels her sense of entitlement.

Psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch, a family dynamics expert, says, “Clear boundaries post-birth protect the parents’ mental health; vague ones invite chaos” (source: terriorbuch.com). Orbuch’s insight supports the couple’s plan—short visits and zero tantrums prioritize their sanity. The user’s choice to lean on his mom, a less intrusive figure, makes sense, especially since MIL’s closeness to his wife doesn’t excuse her havoc.

The couple might soften the blow by framing rules as “what works best for us” when they tell MIL, avoiding a fight while staying firm. If she balks, a united front—wife leading, user backing—keeps her in check. For now, planning for calm births means learning from chaos, not inviting it back.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s crew stormed this birth saga like it’s a family reunion gone haywire, slinging cheers and shade with fierce energy. Picture a heated brunch chat, folks picking teams—most rooting for the user’s boundaries, some gasping at MIL’s gall. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the comments, loaded with fire and a dash of snark:

DesperateLobster69 − NTA. *STOP* letting this horrible woman hijack your family's happy moments & taint your otherwise wonderful memories!!! She's an emotional terrorist! *DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS*!!!!! I myself refuse to, and my life is soooo much more peaceful now!!!

Pebbletale − You are NTA. You are being absolutely reasonable. I’m glad you and your wife see eye to eye on this. This is your life event and your home and your special time with a newborn!

midwestmusician − Let me jump to the end here and save you time and hassle. Hard, firm boundaries and grey rocking. You’ve got the benefit of distance which is good. Personally I’d have tossed her out on her ass a long time ago, but it was an intense time and people like her LOVED to grab the reins when everyone’s preoccupied elsewhere.

And at your age I wasn’t as attuned to it. I mean really consider her behavior. Her daughter, presumably a piece of her own heart living outside her chest, was attempting one of the most stressful, painful, emotional experiences of her entire life. Your wife’s life, mind, and body will forever be demarcated by this experience.

What was her mother thinking about? Where was her consideration? Who needed tending to? Not your wife, her daughter. Kind of fucked up, isn’t it? You’re a dad now. Imagine yourself plopping down to weep as your new child becomes a parent and makes you a grandparent.. I wouldn’t let her set eyes on my kid ever again unless it was through plate glass.. NTA.

SpiteWestern6739 − As long as your wife is on board (which sounds like the case) NTA, but if she isn't and you're unilaterally declaring she can't have her mother there when she gives birth YTA

GroovyYaYa − You plan on asking your wife if she wants your mother to stay with you for the first adjustment period instead, right? RIGHT???

essssgeeee − NTA. And if I may make a suggestion, tell MIL baby is due about 3-4 weeks later than the actual date. Quietly have baby, then inform her the next day that baby

[Reddit User] − NTA. your body and babies, your choice.

Hidden_Vixen21 − She was bawling in your wife’s hospital room and you didn’t kick her out right then?

Artistic-Tough-7764 − NTA.

froglet80 − as long as your wishes for the birth plan align with those of the person actually giving birth, you are NTA, because no one but that person actually has a right to be in that room and only that person has the final say

Redditors hailed the user as a dad guarding his turf, though a few grinned at MIL’s meltdown stealing the show. These takes swing from solid support to spicy quips, proving this tale’s got grit. It’s Reddit at its boldest—raw, real, and all-in.

This Reddit story delivers a raw lesson in guarding life’s big moments. The user’s move to limit his MIL isn’t about grudges—it’s about carving out space for joy, not drama. Maybe she’ll adapt, or maybe she’ll stew, but the couple’s peace comes first. It’s a nudge to rethink who gets a front-row seat to our milestones. Ever had an in-law sour a special day? Share your take below—what’s your read on this birth-room backlash?

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