AITAH for telling my husband that I feel like I hate him?

In a quiet home, a new mother cradles her newborn, her body aching from a recent C-section and heart complications. At 11 days postpartum, she pleads with her husband to drive her to a critical doctor’s appointment, only to face his sharp refusal in front of their children. His begrudging compliance and her raw confession—“I feel hate for you”—crack open a silent rift in their marriage. It’s a gut-wrenching tale of vulnerability met with indifference.

Readers feel the sting of her heartbreak, alone in her pain while her partner dismisses her needs. This Reddit story isn’t just about a doctor’s visit; it’s about trust, support, and the toll of postpartum struggles in a strained partnership. With Reddit rallying behind her, let’s dive into the raw emotions of this marital clash.

‘AITAH for telling my husband that I feel like I hate him?’

I (36f) gave birth for the third time via c-section on July 6th. I had complications after birth and I ended up being hospitalized until July 11th. My husband, (37m) requested time off from work for only one week and he was scheduled to go back to work on Monday July 17th..

We already have a 10 year old and a 4 year old at home. On July 17th I had my post c-section follow up and with three children at home, me unable to drive, still in pain and recovering, I asked my husband to get out of work early so that he could take me.

I asked him while I was holding my newborn, my toddler was sitting next to me and my oldest was walking in the room. My husband’s reaction shocked me to my core because he went ahead raised his voice and he said, “WHAT? Why????”

And i explained that the doctor must check my incision and clear me to drive, etc., and he still went ahead and said, “I already requested too many days off, Can’t someone else take you? Why do you have to go? Can you please reschedule it?” At that moment I felt so vulnerable and broken at his mercy.

I had been on the verge of dying due to complications with my heart. And there he was getting upset because I had a doctor’s appointment at only 11 days postpartum. He has paid time off. All he had to do was request the time off but he didn’t want to bother.

He begrudgingly left the room and texted his supervisor to request the time off. I felt so heartbroken, vulnerable, and sad. If the person that I’m supposed to depend on 100% isn’t there for me at my time of need then what’s next? I got mad and I told him that I was deeply hurt and that I was appalled at his behavior in front of the girls.

I told him that I would have never said that to him and he said, “well I’m not you” to which I replied, “one day you will be old and you will need help” and he said, “well put me in a home I don’t want to be anyone’s burden”. That’s when I realized what he implied, I was a burden to him.

I said, “i feel hate for you right now for doing this and saying those things”. He walked away, took me to my appointment. I haven’t talked to him. He hasn’t tried to talk to me. Over time we have become professionals at living together and not talking to each other..

ADVERTISEMENT

so this will drag on. I’m very hurt because he hasn’t even asked if I’m feeling okay or not. We can be in the same room taking care of the children but we won’t say a word to each other.. He’s ignoring me so that I can feel inadequate for what I said and apologize to him.

Postpartum recovery is a fragile time, and this woman’s clash with her husband exposes a painful lack of support. Her husband’s dismissive reaction—questioning her need for a checkup despite her recent hospitalization—betrays a failure to prioritize her health. Her expression of “hate” reflects not just anger but profound hurt, amplified by vulnerability. His silence now, a familiar tactic in their marriage, only deepens the wound.

ADVERTISEMENT

About 1 in 5 women experience postpartum complications, with C-sections raising risks, per a 2023 NIH study. Emotional support is critical, yet 40% of new mothers report feeling neglected by partners, per a 2024 survey. The husband’s reluctance, despite available leave, and his “burden” comment suggest resentment, straining their bond.

Dr. Susan Trompeter, a perinatal psychiatrist, notes, “Postpartum couples need open communication to navigate stress; silence breeds resentment”. Here, the husband’s dismissal and their mutual avoidance dodge healing. Dr. Trompeter’s insight calls for urgent dialogue. Counseling could help them address his lack of empathy and her feelings of abandonment. She might also seek support from family or friends to ease her load.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s unloading some heavy-hitting takes on this one, blending fury with heartfelt support. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community—raw and ready to rally.

mjstrick54 - Of course you're NTA. My EX never took off work to take me to my weekly OB appts when I was on 12 weeks bedrest for preterm labor. A few weeks in, my mom who lived 1000 miles away called my OB and told him I was driving myself every week and that I even got a flat tire one week and he wouldn't come help me.

ADVERTISEMENT

My OB promptly hospitalized me and my mom moved into my house to take care of my daughter/his stepdaughter. Once the dr knew she was there for thr duration he let me go home. We divorced 2 years later. You are not wrong and he is being a d**k

Asleep-Hold-4686 - Start marriage counseling and create a 'mommy's new life fund' where you put money away and prepare for the worse.

Intrepid_Potential60 - Sheesh. That man gives us men a bad reputation. I am sorry. He’s…stunning. Just stunning. I’m so angry for you right now and don’t know how to express it, just, good grief, his mothers his father, someone needs to slap the man into reality. Yes, I know how dumb that sounds. Just….stunned.. NTA. I feel hate for him, too.

ADVERTISEMENT

mel122676 - My ex-husband did the exact same thing to me. I almost died during a c-section with my youngest. Only difference is he had 3 other kids that he had to have that week after I gave birth. So, I was taking care of our newborn, toddler, and his 3 older kids.

When it was time for my check up, he refused to drive me. I had to drive myself, and take the newborn and toddler with me. That was the day I realized my marriage was over, if we didn't do marriage counseling. He refused so a few years later we got divorced.

It was the best thing I ever did for my kids. I watched my parents s**tty marriage, and I married someone just like my dad. I was not about to give my kids a childhood like mine. Staying married for the sake of the kids, hurts the kids.

ADVERTISEMENT

TarzanKitty - Your home and marriage is what your children are going to see as normal. Do you really wish for your girls to end up married to men who are just like their father?. NTA. Your body is injured because you were delivering HIS child. With all you are going through to contribute to your family. He thinks taking a couple of hours off is too much for him to contribute?

bitofagrump - Truthfully, I'd start planning your exit strategy now so you can implement it as soon as you're physically healed and physically/financially/logistically ready to. Get out for your children's sake, not just your own. They should not be raised in a home where the parents don't respect each other at all (I mean that toward him, not you)

and the father refuses to help the mother with even the slightest thing, let alone seriously major things. That behavior is what they'll pattern their own marriages on and expect from their own husbands, and they don't deserve to settle for mistreatment any more than you do.

ADVERTISEMENT

I'm so sorry, mama. Do what you need to do for yourself and your kids. NTA. (Edit: and he only took ONE WEEK off to help you with an infant and two small children while you're still in post-op recovery?! What a useless sack of s**t!)

JustMe518 - When I gave birth to my youngest son, I had scheduled an immediate tubal. A one inch incision in my belly button. FOR MONTHS, I had told my ex that I needed him to step up. That despite everything, it is still surgery and I was going to need LOTS of help from him.

The day we got home from the hospital, I went to lay down and I naturally fell asleep. I woke a few hours later to him asleep next to me and my 12 and 13 year old boys taking care of their siblings. I will NEVER forgive him for that.

ADVERTISEMENT

I ended up having to take care of everyone while recovering from surgery. Sure, he's a wonderful dad NOW, and we coparent beautifully together. But, I had to leave him to let him know I was done putting up with his s**t. You deserve better.

Purp_Rav96 - NTA. Not even a little bit. I hate your husband also. You just a had HIS child, and this is how he treats you?!? Not to mention all you went through to have this child. I am petty, so not only would I not be talking to him, I would not be doing a darn thing for him.

I would feed my kids, not him. Clean the kids clothes, not his. Nope, nothing, until that AH realizes the error of his ways. I would love to tell you to pack up and leave but that isn’t always practical. But if it is, girl GO. He isn’t worth it. Good luck OP, I wish you the best!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - Your husband is an a**hole. I'm a dude and in all honesty and with all due respect to you, I want to call him way more than just a a**hole. I don't wanna be a downer here and maybe I'm being an a**hole for my following statement,

if so then I apologize to you but I foresee a divorce in your future. I cannot even imagine treating my wife this way. Hell I cant see pulling this s**t on anyone really. I truly do wish you the best & I truly hope things work out for you. Good luck

blackday44 - Sounds like you have a newborn and a man-child.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit opinions are fierce, but do they capture the full weight of postpartum pain and marital silence?

This Reddit saga asks: what happens when love falters in a moment of dire need? The woman’s raw confession of hate stems from a husband’s neglect at her most vulnerable. Postpartum recovery demands teamwork, not silence. What would you do when your partner lets you down in a crisis? Drop your stories below—have you faced a similar betrayal in tough times? Let’s keep the convo going.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *