AITAH for still having small talk with my ex who I am co-parenting with?

A friendly co-parenting relationship turned tense when a 30-year-old woman’s casual chats with her ex-husband sparked conflict with her boyfriend, C. Despite her full transparency, C insists she limit conversations to their daughter, leading to arguments and tears. Her ex, the father of her 9-year-old, lives far away, making communication essential, but small talk about golf or skincare has C seeing red.

This emotional story explores the delicate balance between maintaining a healthy co-parenting dynamic and soothing a partner’s insecurities. Is she wrong for engaging in light chit-chat with her ex, or is C’s jealousy crossing a line? Step into this heartfelt tale of family, trust, and tension.

‘AITAH for still having small talk with my ex who I am co-parenting with?’

The story begins with the woman’s amicable co-parenting arrangement and her new relationship.

My ex (28M) and I (30F) have 9F kid together, were married in 2020 but broke up in less than a year. Since then, I met and got in a...

My ex gets my daughter every summer since he lives a 15-hr flight away. We mutually agreed on this setup and our daughter loves it. She is with him now...

Being co-parents, we are in constant communication about everything especially recently ‘cause of all the travel arrangements for our daughter. C is okay with this because he understands this is...

Occasional light conversation with her ex feels natural, and she keeps her boyfriend in the loop.

Since my ex and I ended on good terms, we can’t help but have small talk sometimes about our friends, golf, his family, any random stuff. And I have been...

Tensions flare when a harmless skincare chat during a video call upsets C.

A few weeks ago, we were all in the same room and my ex video-chatted w my daughter. My ex asked for me. To be clear, he was on loudspeaker...

And I just recommended him some products and honestly was just super excited about it since i’m super passionate about it. C did not like this at all. He asked...

ADVERTISEMENT

I said he was there to hear the whole conversation and I genuinely thought it was okay since he got to hear that there was nothing else going on during...

Despite agreeing to limit talks, small talk persists, reigniting C’s frustration.

He made me promise not to talk about anything else with my ex other than our daughter. I said ok I’d try. But sometimes when we chat about our daughter,...

ADVERTISEMENT

After this, I would tell C about it, sometimes even sending him screenshots of ohr convos or reading him the message thread. C would then be upset that there was...

I honestly think it’s too much but to his defense, he did say the breakup is too “fresh” for any convo other than about our daughter.. AITAH for still participating...

TLDR: current BF doesn’t want me talking to my ex about anything else other than our daughter, despite me being open about it.

ADVERTISEMENT

When a new boyfriend demands you stop casual chats with your ex, even harmless ones about skincare, is it a sign of control or just a case of understandable insecurity?

The woman’s dilemma hinges on the tension between maintaining a healthy co-parenting dynamic and meeting her boyfriend’s expectations. Her friendly chats with her ex not only make co-parenting smoother but also create a positive environment for their daughter. Yet, C sees these conversations as “disrespectful,” despite their transparency and lack of ulterior motives. This suggests insecurity, possibly rooted in C viewing the ex as a lingering threat in their new relationship.

On the flip side, C might worry that this friendliness could blur boundaries, especially since their relationship is still fresh. However, demanding she limit conversations, even when she’s open about them, leans toward controlling behavior. As psychologist John Gottman notes, “Transparency and open communication are the bedrock of a healthy relationship” (The Gottman Institute). C’s strong reaction to a skincare chat suggests he needs to address his insecurities rather than impose restrictions on her.

ADVERTISEMENT

From a broader perspective, society often praises friendly co-parenting for prioritizing a child’s well-being. Yet, in new relationships, jealousy can surface when one partner stays in touch with an ex. This doesn’t mean the woman should cut off friendly exchanges with her ex. Instead, she should have an honest conversation with C about why this dynamic matters for their daughter.

The woman should sit down with C for a candid talk, explaining how a friendly co-parenting relationship benefits their daughter. She can reassure him by staying transparent and even inviting him to join discussions about their daughter when appropriate. If C can’t come to terms with this, she may need to reconsider whether he’s the right partner for her unique situation.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The online community rallied behind the woman, labeling C’s behavior as insecure and controlling while praising her co-parenting approach.

ADVERTISEMENT

Many users stressed the value of her friendly dynamic with her ex for their daughter’s well-being.

CakeZealousideal1820 − You have a healthy co parenting relationship do not ruin that for a new man. He either gets with the program or he can go about his business...

Making you cry over a Skincare discussion is ridiculous. None of this is ok. You need to let him know under no circumstances will he dictate the coparenting relationship. This...

ADVERTISEMENT

SuburbaniteMermaid − Oh girl he can't possibly be good enough in bed to justify this. You being friends with the father of your child is so, so important. Tell C...

Moon_Ray_77 − I'm a step parent. I think it's absolutely wonderful that you and your ex have that kind of relationship. It's so much better for you guys and amazing...

I was/am secure with myself and our relationship. Me and my partner were split up for a bit and Hounstly, if one of the guys I was seeing was thus...

ADVERTISEMENT

Potential_Speech_703 − Nta. It's awesome you and your ex have such a good relationship still and are so good with co parenting! Don't ever stop with this. You're also allowed...

Several comments flagged C’s reactions as red flags, urging her to address his insecurity.

JohnRedcornMassage − NTA C is an insecure, controlling jerk. Period.

ADVERTISEMENT

carrowavy − NTA When the speaker phone appeared, I was hoping maybe BF just didn't want to be involved in the conversations, which, fair enough. But, nope, BF is insecure.

I know it's easier said than done, but in a relationship it is way less stressful if you just don't give a s**t about your partners exes

[Reddit User] − NTA, C is insecure and controlling. He doesn’t have the right dictate who you can and cannot foster relationships with. This is textbook jealousy, he sees your...

ADVERTISEMENT

JennieGee − NTA Your new man is acting like a controlling, insecure jerk. Think about this for a second, he is getting pissed at you and making you cry over...

To jump on you and claim that you making small talk about skincare, ffs, is somehow disrespectful to him, especially when that person is your co-parent, is a HUGE **red...

A good partner would want you to have a healthy co-parenting relationship and wouldn't be selfishly making it about **themselves. ** How long have you been with this guy? Has...

ADVERTISEMENT

One user warned about the broader impact of C’s behavior on both her and her daughter.

LargeWiseOwl − "It ended up with arguing and a lot of me crying but we made up. He apologized about being so mad but was stern about me keeping my...

They should never be "stern" with you. The longer you stay with this man the more likely it is your daughter will end up in the same kind of abusive...

ADVERTISEMENT

Please go to a therapist who can help you rebuild your self esteem and help you escape this relationship. Reach out to your friends and family for help.

A stepparent shared their perspective, reinforcing the value of a good co-parenting bond.

ADVERTISEMENT

dnzlou − NTA: It is ESSENTIAL for you and your ex to be able to communicate happily with one another, even about things that isn't your child. Your BF is...

The community unanimously supports the woman’s right to small talk with her ex, emphasizing its benefits for co-parenting. They view C’s reactions as insecure and controlling, with some urging her to reconsider the relationship for her daughter’s sake.

This story reveals the challenges of balancing a strong co-parenting relationship with a new partner’s insecurities. The woman’s friendly chats with her ex are natural and beneficial for their daughter, but C’s jealousy threatens their harmony. Open dialogue or firm boundaries could ease the tension. How can she help C accept her co-parenting dynamic? Have you navigated jealousy in a relationship tied to co-parenting? Share your thoughts below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *