AITAH for saying I won’t pick my neice up from school anymore if my brother & SIL keep being like this?

Helping family out is supposed to feel good, especially when kids are involved. For one 24-year-old woman, stepping in to help her brothers with childcare felt natural at first. She adored her nieces and nephew, enjoyed spending time with them, and wanted to support her family after they’d lost help from other relatives. Picking up her niece from school a few days a week felt manageable, even if it was tiring.

At the same time, small favors started stacking up. Gentle requests turned into heavy hints. Soon, what began as helping out became an expectation that quietly rearranged her workday, her evenings, and her sense of independence. When she finally drew a line, the backlash was immediate. On social media, readers had strong opinions about whether she was wrong for protecting her time—or long overdue for doing so.

AITAH for saying I won't pick my neice up from school anymore if my brother & SIL keep being like this?

The situation began with a family that leaned heavily on shared childcare support

Both of my brothers rely heavily on our family (me (24F), my mum and my dad) for childcare, due to deaths on the other sides of their family etc.

None of us mind, we all adore their kids and love spending time with them, but you give them an inch and they take a mile.

As requests increased, financial guilt was quietly introduced into the conversation

They asked for an extra day a week, my parents said they were sorry but they didn't think they could handle it, so they started on the

"but we can't afford childcare, it's such a shame X might have to do without things they like because we have to spend more on childcare".

(Bear in mind one family brings in £130k+ a year, the other brings in around £80-90k a year).. Childcare is expensive, sure, but they're also both very financially comfortable.

The school pickups became manageable, but only just

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I'm picking up my niece (from the family earning £130k+) from school for a couple of days because their other childcare plans fell through and they're unable to.

I don't mind, I adore her, but she's definitely a lot of work. I don't have my own kids, so after a few hours I'm tired lol, it gets to...

Pressure mounted when overnight stays were subtly pushed

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They're now dropping hints to me that they're exhausted, they don't enjoy the school run in the mornings, and essentially they're trying to get me to agree to having her...

Which is a ton more work, it means I have to be up a good hour earlier for work, and I will be late to work due to having to...

When she finally pushed back, emotions exploded

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I told them if they didn't stop, they would have to figure out alternative arrangements for the school run. They're fuming, saying I would eventually leave my niece confused, upset

and alone at school because I can't be bothered to pick her up. Obviously, I would never leave my niece on her own at school, but to be honest I...

She takes a lot of energy, and I enjoy my own routine and time in the evenings. I know if I ever have kids that'll change, but for now I...

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Frustration spilled over as she reflected on years of unpaid effort

I feel like they just take and take and take. They never pay for after school clubs or breakfast clubs, if they want a night away they always expect free...

I've watched one of my nieces before, needed a lift afterwards and my sister in law just called a taxi for me and expected me to pay for it. They...

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When I babysit at their houses I take my own dinner and snacks, the most I have is water. I never get paid, I don't have my own kids, and...

I just feel a bit annoyed that they expect so much from me, when I'm 24 and trying to live my own life.

EDIT: woah I went out for a while and this blew up. I’ll take everyone’s advice into consideration and speak with them tomorrow

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At the heart of this conflict is a familiar tension: generosity slowly turning into obligation. The poster clearly values her relationship with her niece and wants to be supportive, but her brother and sister-in-law appear to have blurred the line between help and entitlement. When support becomes expected, resentment almost always follows. Her frustration isn’t about the child—it’s about the pressure and guilt layered onto every request.

From the parents’ perspective, exhaustion is real. Parenting is demanding, and childcare costs can feel overwhelming even at higher incomes. That said, financial comfort changes the ethical balance. Choosing not to pay for childcare while leaning heavily on one unpaid family member shifts responsibility unfairly, especially when it interferes with that person’s job and personal life.

According to Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” When people ignore their limits to keep the peace, resentment builds quietly until it erupts. Clear, calm boundaries early on help prevent that emotional burnout and protect long-term relationships.

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A practical path forward involves clarity, not guilt. The poster could outline exactly what she is willing to do—and nothing beyond that. No justifications, no debates. If overnight care or morning drop-offs don’t work, saying so plainly protects her routine and her job. Offering consistency instead of flexibility can actually reduce conflict. At the same time, her brother and sister-in-law may need to reassess their childcare plan realistically, including paid options. Family support works best when it’s appreciated, optional, and mutual.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users strongly supported the aunt, saying her limits were reasonable and overdue

stphn323 − Nta- stop babysitting

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thewizrdess − NTA Their whole argument is that childcare is expensive. . but they want you to pick up childcare responsibilities that you aren't comfortable with for free? Lol.

You already have a job and are helping out where you can. If they want you to babysit as well as do the school run, ask to be compensated for...

Likelihood is \[dependent on audacity\] that they'll probably stop asking and just be grateful for the school run help. Paid for babysitting isn't as attractive as free 'family owing family'...

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Snoo-32071 − NTA Stop babysitting altogether until you can reach an agreement with them that you will help out only so much, and no more than that.

Period. And when they start to pressure you again, stop babysitting. Actions have consequences. You teach people how to treat you.

Panaccolade − NTA. If your niece feels confused, upset and alone at school it is because her PARENTS can't be bothered to pick her up from school. Not you. Let...

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They make more than enough money to PAY SOMEONE for their valuable time and are only using you because they're too cheap to pay for a babysitter. You are a...

Stand up for yourself and stop letting these people wipe their feet on your back. If they can't 'afford' childcare after bringing home 130K annually, they need to figure out...

Bella-1999 − No is a complete sentence. The only way you will be able to get on with your own life is to quit being your siblings unpaid nanny.

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When you babysit for free in their home they don’t provide food or transportation? As it stands you’re paying them and it’s costing you in cash and the free time...

ETA when my daughter was little I can’t imagine choosing to shove her off on other people, getting to be with her at the end of the day was the...

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Others offered firmer but more strategic advice about standing ground

celticmusebooks − NTA Tell them no. You can't be late for work because they want to sleep in a bit. When dealing with people like them you need to give...

Immediately shut down any discussion that introduces further compromise (which will always be YOU doing the compromising as I'm sure you've figured out).

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For example in this issue: Choice A : "I can continue to do the school pickups as we've been doing and drop the subject of additional childcare. " Choice B...

" Bro and SIL say: "but OP, if we have to hire someone we'll have to cut back on things for YOUR niece. You respond: "She'll be fine, you'll figure...

(If they keep up with this line of bullying you could add "You both are very good and pushing to get things you want-- you'll figure it out I'm sure.

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" Bro and SIL-- push back and keep hinting/bullying. You: "So then, you're choosing B? Do you want me to finish out the week with pickup? "

Ace_boy08 − Well, they are going to keep taking and taking until you set boundaires. Grow a spine and tell them NO.

If you are worried you won't see your neices, then tell them you can only pick up on X day and that you are unavailable for sleep overs.

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NTA they will not take you seriously as they keep asking, and you keep doing things for them for free so why would they listen?

AnythingButOlives − Info: What do you do for yourself? Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends that you go out with a couple times a week after work for...

Do you have a boyfriend or are you interested in dating? I love how you’re so giving but you’re giving to the point that you’re obviously being used.

It also sounds like your personal life is almost always on the back burner because you’re on call for them.

brideofgibbs − NTA *No thanks. That doesn’t work for me* Sounds polite. Maintains your boundaries. No JADE. Any reasons you give will be used against you. On another day, you...

Your choice. I’m appalled at their lack of hospitality when you babysit: No cab, no food? When you’re ready to do the favour again, start there. *No thanks, I can’t...

Cursd818 − NTA But stop being a doormat. They get away with this because you let them. They are guilttripping you because it is *successful*.

Tell them that you are doing more than enough already and that their manipulating guilttrips need to stop or you will not help them at all. When they throw a...

Every time they whine or complain, do the same. They will eventually learn to respect your time if you start treating your time as something that needs to be respected.

And stop taking your own dinner to their house! If you're doing them a favour, they can feed you for the night and cover your transport. Non-negotiable.

A few commenters leaned into humor to highlight the absurdity…

Eve-3 − How exactly does your thought process work that you can type out this entire situation, detailing every a__hole thing your brothers say and do and all the generosity...

You obviously aren't an a__hole, but are you brainwashed or something? "I donated one unit of blood, am I the a__hole if I don't donate all 10 units and die...

LiveOutlandishness44 − NTA. They chose to have children, not you. I can't even wrap my head around them whining about taking their child to school in the morning. THAT'S WHAT...

Limit yourself to one pickup after school per week (and that's taking the child back to their own house, not yours for a sleepover) and one weekend night. Your life...

GreenTravelBadger − sarcasm alert: Ohh, they "don't enjoy" morning dropoffs! What a pity! So naturally you should do that for them. Anything else they don't enjoy?

You should lean into those things, too. Pay their taxes! Do their laundry! Go to the dentist in their place! Nobody enjoys going to the dentist! NTA

GonnaBeOverIt − NTA. But you either stop babysitting them and draw a line or they are going to continue to use you and take advantage of you.

If they didn’t want children, they shouldn’t have had them. It’s their responsibility to pay for them and care for them and they are freeloading off you and your parents.

What you need to do is decide if you wanna continue to be treated like this and like your parents be treated like that.

wlfwrtr − NTA Tell them since they don't appreciate what you do then you're just not doing anything. No you're not leaving niece stranded, pick ups are parents responsibility to...

This situation struck a nerve because it reflects a common struggle: where does helping family end and self-sacrifice begin? The aunt clearly cares about her niece, but that care doesn’t erase her right to time, rest, and a stable work life. Her brother and sister-in-law may be overwhelmed, but shifting that burden onto someone else without consent creates more damage than relief. In the end, boundaries don’t harm families—unspoken resentment does. What would you do if you were in her place?

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