AITAH for ruining friendship with best friend that loves my boyfriend?

A lively party in a new apartment set the stage for a tangled web of friendship and romance. A 22-year-old woman, fresh from therapy and ready to embrace life, introduced her friend Jack to her childhood best friend, Lily. What seemed like a fun night took a sharp turn when Lily confessed her love for Jack, urging the woman to step back from their budding relationship. Months later, a shocking betrayal unraveled, leaving trust in tatters.

This isn’t just a story of a love triangle—it’s a raw look at loyalty, mental health, and the cost of standing up for yourself. The woman’s heart sank as she faced Lily’s deception, forcing her to choose between friendship and her own happiness. Was she wrong to fight back, or was this the only way to break free? Let’s dive into this emotional rollercoaster and unpack the fallout.

‘AITAH for ruining friendship with best friend that loves my boyfriend?’

Hi, okay here's what happened: ( be aware it's messy) I 22 f started dating 23 m 5 month ago, but before that, i want to tell you much needed background. i meet this guy (let's call him jack ) about year ago. we got along pretty well. He tried to take me on date many times but i refused because i wasn't doing well mentally and i didn't wanted to affect someone with it.

but after going to therapy and getting better i decided why not. For our first date we went to theaterafter that for one month we weren't really dating. it was more like two friends hanging out with each other. at that time i got an apartment, so i decided to throw a party there. i asked all my friends and some of my coworkers including jack to attend.

I introduced him to my friends. one of which is lily (21f) my best friend from childhood. unfortunately, lily lost her mother when she was 15. she developed terrible ptsd from that and many other mental issues. i was always with her and i even payed her therapist appointments sometimes. she was really important for me.

After some time jack told me he had to leave and i offered him a ride. he agreed and as i grabbed my keys, lily decided to come with us. i was honestly happy to hear that, because i didn't wanted to drive alone. we went together, had some laughs, dropped jack at his house and on the way back lily asked he's Instagram.

I asked jokingly

anyway, two weeks after that jack finally asked me to go on a serious date, in fancy restaurant. i agreed and told my girlfriends in chat including lily. date was set on Friday. lily calls on Friday morning asking me to talk to her. i was in rush, i took day off because i had hair and nail appointments (i wanted to look nice) but lily insisted on talk, saying it was serious. i drived to her apartment and we talked in my car.

lily told me that she is in love with jack and that she talked to her therapist and she suggested to tell me truth. i was surprised but ofc understanding. ever since she lost her mother lily used boys as cope mechanism. she had at least 20 boys in her dms all the time and new relationships every week. she is also

Than she asked me to not date jack. she explained that she's not in right head space and she doesn't want her best friend dating her true love. even tho i think that request was really dramatic. she was important to me so i agreed. i told her that me and jack wouldn't move forward with our relationship before she makes progress.

than i called jack and told him that i had some problems. so i wasn't okay with us moving forward, i also asked him to not question me and that he can move on. since i can't really tell him how long we have to be on break. jack was understanding and told me to call him when I'm ready. I was sad ofc but what else could i do about it.

5 month passes and jack calls me saying he wants to talk to me. i declined at first but than he said it's about your friend lily. we agreed to meet in the park. we set down and he asked me if i stopped dating him because of lily. i looked at him confused and than he gave me he's phone with Instagram chat open of his and lily's texts. turns out lily started texting him 2 weeks ago.

whole chat was filled with all my most embarrassing stories my biggest insecurities an ugly photos of me. one that broked my heart most was when she talked about how i used to be overweight and how disgusting my body looks now that I'm skinny. the last text that got on my nerves the most was something along the lines of: (you know she has borderline personality disorder right? She's actually crazy.)

i started crying i never felt so betrayed before. and than i told jack everything. he was supporting and comforting as always. he also asked me to go back together now that that's settled.. here's where i might be ah. I went on a date with jack than posted pics online. i admit i did all that to be petty and to get back on lily.

I didn't tell her anything and from 3 minutes of me posting that pictures she called me yelling and cursing. i hanged up and texted her that i know everything. what she said about me and that i no longer care about her feelings. since she doesn't care about mine. and than i blocked her. next day our other friends called me to hear my side of the story and after hearing it, they told me that i was a bad guy here.

that i should've talked to lily. that i should've been more understandable since lily has mental issues. I don't agree with them it's not about her mental issues. it's about the fact that she is selfish. mental illness isn't excuse to be terrible person and if it is than i should be excused too because i have bpd. Plus i don't really understand why lily has to ruin it for me.

so idk maybe I'm not looking at the whole picture so can you guys tell me if I'm being terrible person and should apologize to lily? I need advice as fast as possible PS: sorry for my poor choice of words and bad grammar. English isn't my first language and I'm emotional right now.. I posted update btw you can find that in comments or go to my page

Friendship betrayals cut deep, especially when mental health complicates the mix. This woman’s story reveals the fragile balance between supporting a friend and protecting oneself. Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist specializing in friendships, notes, “Healthy friendships require mutual respect, not competition or manipulation” (source: Psychology Today, 2020). Lily’s actions—spreading lies and exploiting the woman’s vulnerabilities—crossed a line, undermining trust.

Lily’s mental health struggles, while real, don’t justify her behavior. Her pattern of using relationships as a coping mechanism, as the woman observed, suggests deeper issues. Yet, as Levine points out, friends aren’t obligated to sacrifice their own well-being. The woman’s initial decision to pause her relationship with Jack showed empathy, but Lily’s betrayal flipped the script, exposing a one-sided dynamic.

This reflects a broader issue: 34% of young adults report toxic friendships impacting their mental health, per a 2023 YouGov poll. The woman’s choice to prioritize herself, though messy, aligns with self-preservation. Experts suggest clear communication and boundaries in such cases. For readers, cutting ties may be tough but necessary when respect falters.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery support and sharp insights. Here’s what the community had to say:

ChallengeFlat7795 − You let her off easy, her betrayal was of the highest order. You shouldn't have even cancelled the first date for her, knowing how she is with boys. But then talking crap behind your back to Jack is disgusting. You're right, this has nothing to do wit her clearly deminished mental capacities, she just threw you under the bus for her own personal gain.. NTA

Smells_like_Autumn − Sigh.. Repeat after me:

chimera4n − *so can you guys tell me if I'm being terrible person and should apologise to lily?* No and no. You've already gone over and beyond for this so called friend, and she's just stabbed you in the back. Block her and move on.

Mister_Fart_Knocker − LILY is the a**hole here, on so many levels. Cut that cancerous b**ch out of your life, a long with anyone who knows the whole truth and takes her side.. You are absolutely not the a**hole.

Puzzleheaded-Gas1710 − Lily has been coddled for too long. You should never have agreed to break up because she thinks she has dibs on all boys. She has shown what she thinks of you by how she talked about you. That is not a friend.

Purple_Willingness31 − Being honest, you shouldnt have cancelled in the beginning at all. He chose YOU, not her. And she has to deal with it and move tf on. Youre NTA for letting the friendship either.

OkOstrich1065 − Doesn't matter her mental issues, she isn't your friend if she demeans you like that. If Jack wanted to be with Lily, then he would be with her. You didn't take the high road by posting photos for the effect, that was a soft AH move. But you are allowed to be excited and date someone who wants to date you. She doesn't own him because they are friends. She seems like a toxic person and best move is to just walk away.

[Reddit User] − You’re not a terrible person. Lili is. She stabbed you in the back. Your friends are excusing her terrible behavior. Ditch them all.

[Reddit User] − NTA Lily can get stuffed she's only using you.

MoonGladeLadyBug − Using mental illness to excuse being a POS. Lily is a POS. Having mental illness DOES NOT absolve anyone of wrong doing. Her own therapist will tell her that, and probably is. Just because you want to be nice OP, does not mean you let her walk all over you.

She’s an incredibly bad friend! You sacrificed an entire relationship for her, and she further disrespects you. You don’t owe her anything. And to add, you need serious discussions with your other “friends”. Lily doesn’t matter more than you do. You do not deserve to be treated like crap. NTA

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they capture the whole story? Is Lily’s behavior unforgivable, or is there room for understanding?

This saga of betrayal leaves us reeling at the sting of a friend’s deceit. The woman, once willing to sacrifice love for Lily, reclaimed her happiness, even if her petty post stirred the pot. But was she too harsh, or was cutting Lily off the only path forward? How would you handle a friend who crossed the line like this? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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