AITAH for refusing to take my ex girlfriends 2 other children with me for Christmas?

Picture a cozy living room, twinkling with Christmas lights, where a father and his teenage daughter plan a rare holiday escape to a sun-soaked beach. For this 40-year-old dad, it’s a chance to bond with his daughter, Claire, free from the usual bustle of co-parenting. But when his ex drops a bombshell, asking him to scrap the trip and babysit her two young sons, the festive cheer sours fast.

This Reddit saga unravels a tangled web of family obligations, where a dad’s dream holiday with his daughter clashes with his ex’s plea for help. Readers are left wondering: is he wrong for putting his daughter first, or is this a fair boundary in a complicated co-parenting dance? It’s a story that tugs at the heartstrings, blending holiday hopes with the messy realities of blended families.

‘AITAH for refusing to take my ex girlfriends 2 other children with me for Christmas?’

This Reddit post captures a father’s struggle to balance his daughter’s happiness with his ex’s unexpected request. Here’s the story straight from the source:

I (40M) have a daughter Claire (14F) with my ex Amy (39F). Amy and I broke up when Claire was born because she felt like we settled down too soon and felt shackled by our relationship and family. We have always shared 50/50 custody since. I got married to my now wife Jane (35F) about 5 years ago.

Amy went on to have 2 other kids with 2 different men who aren’t involved with the kids. So she has full custody of her 2 other kids, then 50% of Claire. Her two youngest sons are 2 and 4. Claire doesn’t love her living situation with her mum. The place is crowded and her two younger brothers are just well… toddlers.

She says they don’t leave her alone and she gets no time alone there. So she prefers to stay with me more often now. She also gets along really well with my now wife and wants to spend a lot of time with her. Claire asked me if she can spend Christmas eve and Christmas day with me and Jane.

Our regular schedule was that Claire spends Christmas Eve with one of us, and Christmas Day with the other, then we switch it around the next year. I told Claire that I can’t give her an answer to that without discussing it with her mum.

She asked her mum before I could discuss it with her and Amy called to tell me it’s ok and that Claire can spend both days with me because she has her hands full anyway and it would take some work off her plate. I’m excited to have both days with Claire and so is Jane.

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Jane actually suggested we go somewhere since we have both days to spend with Claire. So we planned a trip to a beach resort in another city. I called Amy to let her know and she said it’s fine, but she called me back two days later asking if there’s any chance I can cancel the beach trip and do something in our city, and also include her sons so that she can go and see her family this Christmas.

She said her sons don’t have passports so she can’t take them to another country with her to visit her family, but this is the only time she has to visit her family because she always has to work. I said I barely know her kids, so it’s going to be strange to just take them in and take care of them for however many days she’s gone.

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I want to just relax with my wife and Claire, and taking care of two toddlers that I don’t even personally know is not my idea of a good Christmas. That’s so much pressure and I haven’t taken care of a toddler in about a decade. I also already told Claire about the beach trip and she was so excited, so simply staying home isn’t an option if it’s not an emergency.

I don’t imagine she’ll be too happy to have her brothers come along when she complains about being at her mums house because of them either. I told Amy the reasons above (except that Claire doesn’t like being around her brothers) and she said I’m doing this to punish her for leaving me, and that I could easily take care of her sons but I’m being spiteful. I told her to stop being ridiculous.

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We broke up 14 years ago and I’ve found the love of my life after that, there’s no reason on earth for me to be spiteful. I said I really am sorry to decline her request but I’d rather just be with my immediate family this Christmas. She said she didn’t think I was the type to alienate children out of spite and she’s disappointed in the man I’ve become.

This is the first time since our break up that we had an argument or anything even close to it. She usually isn’t like this so while I think it’s unreasonable of her to expect me to take care of her two sons while she’s gone, I’m kind of worried I damaged our coparenting relationship.
This Christmas conundrum highlights the delicate balance of co-parenting across blended families. The father’s decision to prioritize his daughter’s holiday reflects a commitment to her emotional well-being, but his ex’s reaction suggests a fracture in their co-parenting trust.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, notes, “Co-parenting requires clear boundaries and mutual respect, especially when new family dynamics are involved” (Source). Here, the father’s refusal to take on Amy’s sons stems from practical concerns—he barely knows them, and toddlers demand intense care. His focus on Claire, who craves a break from her crowded home, aligns with protecting her mental space.

Yet, Amy’s accusation of spite points to a broader issue: miscommunication in co-parenting. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 60% of co-parents report conflicts over scheduling and responsibilities (Source). Amy’s last-minute request, coupled with her emotional accusations, risks escalating tension.

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To navigate this, experts suggest calm, direct communication. “Acknowledge the other parent’s needs, but firmly state your limits,” advises Coleman. The father could propose alternative solutions, like helping Amy find local childcare, to show goodwill without derailing his plans. This approach preserves the co-parenting relationship while prioritizing Claire’s joy.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of support and skepticism with all the spice of a holiday roast. Here’s what the community had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA, don't cave in, Claire is your only child, your ex's sons (poor toddlers, they really deserve better) are not. 'Amy and I broke up when Claire was born because she felt like we settled down too soon and felt shackled by our relationship and family'

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Basically she dumped you because wanted to have fun with other men and proceeded to have 2 children with two different baby daddies who unsurprisingly left her, and now after realizing how badly she messed up by dumping you, she wants to use you to make her life easier and 'have fun' again, what a hypocrit of a woman... She made her bed, and now should lay in it.

quill3216 − NTA. It sounds like Claire might move in with you full time.

Hachiko75 − Christmas is the same day every year. She had plenty of time to get passports for them.

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nitzsches_onlyfans − NTA she's emotionally blackmailing you so she doesn't have to take care of her kids.

R33DY89 − NTA.. 1 - You’re not their parent or guardian.. 2 - She’s had however long to sort out passports.. 3 - Sounds like a trap. Maybe my brain is going wild but what if she never returned off this ‘vacation’? And also what if she did return and started telling tall tales about how you mistreat the boys or something? This leaves you in a very vulnerable position in more ways than one.

JuliaX1984 − NTA You can't alienate kids who aren't yours. Let her demand the dads take them off her hands for the holidays.

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wlfwrtr − NTA Caring for two toddlers while their mom is off having a good time in another country is no joy. What if one got hurt? Your daughter requested to spend both days with you so she didn't have to put up with her brothers.

Do you think she'll ask for that again in the future if you do what she's trying to get away from? Your ex is only saying those things as a manipulation tactic. Trying to make you feel bad so you'll cave in. Remind her she got what she wanted. Part of that was for you not to be in any future family with her.

miyuki_m − NTA. It's astonishing to me that she wants her children to spend Christmas with people who are practically strangers. Aside from your daughter, they would be spending the holiday with people who are not family.

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This makes no sense whatsoever. What kind of mother wants to spend Christmas without any of her children? If they were adults, that's different, but they're all minors, and two are just toddlers. Wow.

knight9665 − NTA. LOOOOOL. They arnt ur kids. She can have their daddies take care of them for Christmas.. Tell her u wouldn’t want to shackle her down or anything like that.

FairyPenguinStKilda − Does she have a love interest in her country, or is she using you and your wife as cheap babysitters so she can have some partay time?

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These Reddit takes are as fiery as a Yule log, but do they miss the nuance of co-parenting across different family units?

This tale of Christmas plans gone awry reminds us that family dynamics are rarely as simple as a holiday card. The father’s choice to safeguard his daughter’s happiness makes sense, but Amy’s hurt feelings show how quickly co-parenting can turn frosty. Could he have softened the blow with a compromise, or was standing firm the right call? What would you do if an ex asked you to take on extra responsibilities during the holidays? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to draw a line to protect your family’s festive plans?

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