AITAH for refusing to take down a congratulatory Facebook post for one of my daughters?

A proud mother’s Facebook post about her daughter’s graduation stirred unexpected family tension. The 56-year-old woman shared photos celebrating her daughter Ava’s master’s degree, only to receive a call from her other daughter, Susie, demanding its removal. The twin sisters, once inseparable, had grown apart after years of rivalry and Susie’s struggles with addiction, making the post a painful reminder of their diverging paths.

Susie argued the post made her look like a failure, but she’d previously forbidden her mother from sharing her own achievements, like her artwork, deeming them unworthy. The mother stood firm, believing Ava deserved recognition and Susie needed to address her feelings with a therapist. The online community weighed in, sparking debate about fairness and family dynamics. Was she right to keep the post up? Here’s the full story.

‘AITAH for refusing to take down a congratulatory Facebook post for one of my daughters?’

The twins were once close, but college choices sparked tension:

I (56F) have twin daughters Ava and Susie (25) with my husband (57M). Ava and susie have always been complete opposites but they were best friends up until just before...

Ava got into one of the best schools in the country and moved across the country for it and Susie got into a good school but not as great as...

Susie’s resentment grew, fueling family conflict:

Susie started making digs at Ava and making jokes that the college only accepted her for diversity reasons. Ava wouldn’t let Susie say mean things about her without fighting back...

Susie’s college life spiraled, leading to hardship:

Susie’s situation at college wasn’t great. She got into hard drugs in college and was expelled in her second year for doing them on campus. She had to move back...

Ava would come back home several times a year to come see and support her sister. We were doing whatever we could to help Susie get her life back on...

Things were and still are looking promising. She hasn’t gone back to drugs and she is now working 30 ish hours a week, she’s exercising and writing poetry and painting....

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Ava’s success contrasted with Susie’s absence at her graduation:

Ava graduated with an undergraduate and a masters degree. My husband and I flew in to her city for both graduations. Susie couldn’t come for Ava’s masters graduation because she...

She hasn’t taken time off work the entire year so I’m kind of doubtful that she would be denied time off but I didn’t push the issue. I figured she...

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The Facebook post celebrating Ava triggered Susie’s insecurities:

Anyway my husband and I went and we took loads of pictures, some of which I posted on Facebook. A lot of my friends and family were commenting on the...

I asked her why and she couldn’t give me a reason at first. I said I’m not deleting it without a good reason since all I did was post about...

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She said if I keep posting about Ava’s achievements and none of hers, she’s going to look like a failure to everyone and they’re all going to wonder why Ava...

I once wanted to post the very first big canvas she painted onto Facebook and she asked me not to because she thinks it’s not something good enough to post...

I always try and assure her that we are proud of her and how far she has come is something she should also be proud of herself for but she...

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The mother stood firm, urging Susie to seek help:

I told Susie that her feelings are valid but Ava deserves to be celebrated, and that maybe she can talk about her feelings about this whole thing with her therapist...

I said I want to post about her achievements too and how proud I am of her but she won’t let me and that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it...

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I was going to ask Ava whether she minds if I take it down but honestly I think Susie needs to deal with this problem with her therapist instead of...

I don’t want her to continue living like this and I don’t think me conceding this time will be helpful to either of my daughters in the long run. Susie...

This story reveals the delicate balance of supporting two daughters with vastly different paths. The mother faces a tough dilemma: celebrating Ava’s academic success while Susie, recovering from addiction, grapples with feelings of inadequacy. Susie’s request to remove the post reflects not just jealousy but a deep fear of being judged, a common struggle for those rebuilding their self-worth after addiction.

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Susie’s envy likely stems from the stark contrast between her and Ava’s achievements. As psychologist Robert Leahy notes, “Social comparison often amplifies feelings of insecurity, especially in those with a history of trauma” (The Jealousy Cure, 2018). Susie’s refusal to let her mother share her own accomplishments, like her artwork, shows she undervalues herself, fearing judgment. Yet, demanding the post’s removal doesn’t solve her pain—it risks hurting Ava and reinforcing Susie’s self-doubt.

The community rightly emphasizes fairness: Ava deserves celebration, and Susie needs to manage her emotions rather than control family expressions of pride. The mother’s suggestion of therapy is spot-on, as it encourages Susie to address her jealousy constructively. Removing the post could enable emotional manipulation, harming both sisters long-term.

The mother should continue supporting both daughters individually. For Susie, offering discreet ways to celebrate her progress, like a general post about her recovery (if she agrees), could help. Family therapy might ease tensions between the sisters. This story underscores the challenge of balancing love and encouragement without letting one child’s struggles dim the other’s light.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many users backed the mother, stressing Ava’s right to be celebrated:

[Reddit User] - NTA You did nothing wrong. Susie can't have it both ways, she can't tell you that she doesnt want you to post things about her and then...

Wanderful-Woman - NTA. Ava’s accomplishments deserve to be celebrated. Don’t take that post down. When you get home remind Susie that you have tried in the past to post work...

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Find something to put up of Susie’s accomplishments soon maybe a general “so proud of my daughter Susie and the creative path she is pursuing” and run it by her,...

planetarypartyy - NTA. susie needs to decide what she wants. either be celebrated quietly and be happy for her sister or share the spotlight with her. quite childish.

Fun-Yellow-6576 - NTA. You can’t dim Ava’s light because Susie doesn’t want to see it.

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Some dug deeper into Susie’s emotions and behavior:

Viperbunny - NTA. You are completely right. She needs to work out how to cope with her therapist. This seems like it all started because she couldn't cope with her...

Instead of focusing on herself and what she needs to feel fulfilled she focused on her sister and it made her miserable. Her sobriety is still relatively new. She is...

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She is embarrassed about not being more successful. Instead of facing those feelings she wants her sister to suffer. She doesn't want her sister to be happy or proud and...

She sees her sister’s successes as her own failures. As long as she is in this mindset she won’t get better. Also, she won’t let you celebrate her for a...

Again, these are things she has to work through with a therapist. She won’t be happy until she starts living her life for herself and focusing on her own goals...

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Others stressed fairness and personal responsibility:

No_Pianist_3006 - I wouldn't even talk to Ava about taking it down unless she approaches you first. Why hurt Ava's feelings because Susie is jealous? Even if Susie is regretful...

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Taking responsibility is part of rehab, for gosh sakes. Also, two different people, two different approaches. They've outgrown the need to be treated equally. This is not a competition. NTA.

Serious_Watercress38 - NTA. It’s not fair to Ava to have to dim her achievements because Susie can’t handle seeing her doing well, she has to deal with her own jealousy...

Medium-Priority-8690 - NTA and congrats to Ava! ! You are correct that she deserves to be celebrated and you should not take the post down. That being said, it’s probably...

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But you seem cognizant of that. You seem like a really good mom. I do feel for Susie though and there’s not an easy answer. But successfully battling an addiction...

though I know that battle remains ongoing. Sounds like she has a lot of stuff to work on but you’re trying to give her the resources she needs to do...

Some offered a more empathetic view of Susie:

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ChakraMama318 - NAH- I will get downvoted but here goes. Susie is an addict. She is only sober and out of rehab for about or less than a year. And...

I’m sure she could have gotten time off from work for graduation. But Ava’s accomplishments are a trigger for her- and she needs to remove herself from them until she...

For her to ask you to take it down- I hope that you can find a small sliver of pride that she voiced her need to you directly. My hunch...

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At the same time- taking this post down is not the solution. It’s time for therapy and family therapy. Voicing her needs is really really good- and I would encourage...

And a good family therapist who specializes with families dealing with addiction might be able yo give you strategies to better support her than just taking posts down.

This story captures a mother’s struggle to balance love for her twin daughters on different paths. Keeping the post about Ava’s graduation honors a well-earned achievement, but Susie’s plea reflects her deep insecurities. Most online voices support the mother, urging Susie to address her feelings through therapy rather than dimming Ava’s moment.

Should the mother yield to Susie to keep the peace? Is there a way to make both sisters feel valued? What would you do in her place? Share your thoughts to keep the discussion going!

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