AITAH for refusing to pay my mother to babysit my 8 year old daughter?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a single mom, juggling work and parenting, leaning on her mom for a quick babysitting favor—only to be hit with a bill. That’s the pickle one woman (OP) found herself in when her mother, usually happy to watch her 8-year-old granddaughter, suddenly demanded payment for even a couple of hours. What started as a routine errand run turned into a fiery family spat, leaving OP wondering if she’s the bad guy for expecting free grandma time.

This isn’t just about a few bucks—it’s about unspoken family expectations and the weight of assumptions. OP, stretched thin as a single parent, saw her mom’s request as a betrayal of grandparental love. But is it fair to expect free childcare, even from family? Let’s unpack this messy moment that’s got everyone talking.

‘AITAH for refusing to pay my mother to babysit my 8 year old daughter?’

My mother and I have a very good relationship. She has also babysat my daughter more times than I count for free. The only time I've ever paid her for babysitting was when I had to leave for a work trip or something of that sort and I need her to babysit my daughter for at least a week. The rate was $115/day, which I think is very reasonable.

Last week, I told my mother that I needed her to watch my daughter for a couple hours while I did some 'errands'. And she told me that she won't continue to babysit my daughter unless I start paying her for every hour, not just for the long trips. I refused, because what kind of grandparent asks to be paid to watch their grandchild for a few hours?

We got into a pretty heated argument and so I had to bring my daughter along with me, which was not great. I couldn't find anyone else who was available to take her in and her father is not in the picture. He didn't want anything to do with our daughter and when we got divorced, the child support payments alone barely cover the bare necessities for her.

One of my friends who had met up with me asked why I brought her along, and when I told her that because I refused to pay my mother to babysit for just a few hours, I had noone else that I could hire and trust on such short notice. She told me that I SHOULD pay my mother for babysitting everytime and not just for the work trips because the 'poor old woman is spending her time and energy on a kid at her age' which... 

I don't even know what that means. I never recalled my grandmother asking to be paid to watch me. That wasn't even fathomable and she had babysat me until I was a teenager so I was pretty much aware.. I don't know... Am I the a**hole?

To answer some questions, my mother is very well off. I only ask her to babysit once or twice a week at most, sometimes maybe only 2 times for a whole month. The rest of the time I pay a nanny to watch my daughter but during the times she isn't available I ask my mother. I'm also an only child. My mother is in her early 60s and she always enjoyed spending time with her granddaughter.

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Family favors can be a minefield when expectations don’t align. OP’s refusal to pay her mother for short babysitting stints highlights a common tension: the assumption that grandparents should provide free childcare. Her mother’s sudden demand for payment, after years of free help, suggests a boundary being drawn—perhaps from feeling taken for granted.

A 2020 AARP study found that 53% of grandparents provide regular childcare, often unpaid, but burnout is real when boundaries aren’t set (source). Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist, notes, “Grandparents may feel obligated to help, but resentment builds if their time isn’t valued” (source). OP’s mother, in her early 60s and well-off, might be signaling she wants more control over her time.

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OP’s frustration is valid—she’s relied on her mom’s generosity—but assuming free help without asking about her mother’s needs risks strain. A calm conversation to understand her mother’s perspective could bridge the gap. Maybe negotiate a compromise, like covering small expenses or scheduling requests in advance.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crowd came in hot, serving up some tough love and sharp takes. Here’s what they had to say about this family face-off:

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Lost-Mathematician85 - YTA. You TOLD your mother she needed to watch your kid.. No. You ask if she is available.

Bulky-Passenger-5284 - what kind of grandparent asks to be paid to watch their grandchild for a few hours. the kind that babysit for free and are tired of it. EDIT changed the verbiage because, according to OP, its twice a week and not constantly

GreenTravelBadger - YTA. Your mother does not OWE you free babysitting. Your 'errand' was meeting friends.

EggplantIll4927 - Your mother has very not gently told you you are asking too much. Why should she be watching your daughter so you can do errands? Stop taking advantage of your mother and why not wait until she wants to spend time w the kid vs you need errand time 🙄

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ResurrectionScary - Wow, how absolutely full of s**t you are to just presume on your mother's time. You literally said she's babysat your child more times than you can count, which absolutely means you are taking advantage of her.. Your 'errands' were obviously to go out and enjoy spending time with your friends. YTA Pay people for their time, or do the work yourself. And you chose to have a kid that means it's YOUR job, not your mother's to manage her.

concretism - YTA Your mother put her foot down because you clearly take her and her time for granted. If you didn't, you would ask when she is available to spend time with your child and work from there. Instead, you are putting your time first even though you are the one asking for help. She is being fair. If you want to treat her like an on call babysitter and not a family member, you should at least pay her like one.

BallantyneR - So a couple of things could be happening here. Your mother may be having financial difficulties and needs the money, in which case she has every right to be compensated for her time, especially if she spends her own money on your child when babysitting. Or, the more likely scenario is that you are asking for too much babysitting too often and your mother can't, or doesn't want to keep up with your demands.

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Ask yourself how much of her time your mother sacrifices for you each month so you can get a break. Is it a reasonable amount, or are you taking advantage of a woman who has already raised her family and wants more time to herself? YTA regardless. You don't have a right to your mum's time. Looks like the easy ride is over for you...

Content-Potential191 - 'I told her that...' -- and you even put errands in quotes like you made that part up! What were you actually doing? You know your mom isn't your employee, and your kid isn't her responsibility, right? Did it occur to you ask her?. YTA

minilovemuffin - 1. Be lucky you have a mother willing to watch your child. 2. Being a parent means bringing your child with you to 'run errands'. Your child takes priority over hanging out with your friends.. 3. YTA. Pay the woman.

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YSterling22 - YTA - She didn’t bring it up in the best way, but she has the right to set boundaries. I think you both need to CALMLY sit down and you need to ask her about why she is suddenly having issues watching your daughter for free. Are you asking her for things too last minute? Is this an every day or every weekend ask? Is there another factor going on? If you both respect each other and you listen - maybe you can come to a compromise.

These opinions don’t pull punches, but do they hit the mark or just stir the pot? What’s the real cost of family favors?

This tale of a babysitting bill reveals how quickly family generosity can spark conflict when expectations clash. OP’s stand for free grandma time feels relatable, but her mother’s push for payment screams for respect of her own limits. Who’s right here—or is it a mix of both? How would you handle a family member suddenly charging for help? Share your stories and thoughts below!

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