AITAH for refusing to make my SIL’s wedding cake for free?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine pouring your heart into a business, turning flour and sugar into edible art, only to have a family member treat it like a hobby they’re entitled to for free. A 29-year-old bakery owner found herself in this sticky situation when her sister-in-law (SIL) demanded a lavish four-tier wedding cake as a “gift,” dismissing the hours of labor and costly ingredients involved. With a side of snarky comments about her craft, the SIL’s request felt more like a slight than a celebration.

The baker’s dilemma is as layered as her cakes. She offered a generous discount, but her SIL’s tantrum and family pressure turned a sweet opportunity into a bitter feud. Readers can’t help but wonder: where’s the line between family favors and professional respect? This tale of frosting and family drama serves up a relatable clash of expectations, begging for a taste of your opinions.

‘AITAH for refusing to make my SIL’s wedding cake for free?’

I (29f) run a bakery business that I've built from the ground up during the past five years. It started as a hobby during college, but now it’s a registered business with steady clients, a dedicated workspace, and consistent orders during each month.

I do mostly for weddings, birthdays, and other events. I take a lot of pride in what I do, and it’s not just “baking for fun” anymore. This is my livelihood. My SIL (33F) is getting married at the beginning of June. She’s my wife’s older sister.

We’re on friendly terms, but she’s always had this vibe like she doesn’t really take what I do seriously. She’s made comments like, “It must be nice getting to play in the kitchen all day,” or, “You’re lucky people will pay for something they could probably learn on YouTube.” Always with a smile, like it’s a joke but not really.

I've brushed these comments off in the past, since they weren't happening all the time and I just didn't want to stir up any drama. So earlier this month, she asked if I’d make her wedding cake. I said sure and asked what she had in mind. She sent over inspo pics of a four-tier cake with smooth buttercream, floral piping, and real flowers on top and cascading down one side.

She wanted it to be a chocolate sponge with raspberry filling in terms of taste. Plus, she wanted for me it to deliver to the venue myself on the morning of the wedding rather than picking it up the day before herself.

After we got done discussing everything, I gave her a quote over the phone with a generous family discount, and SIL replied almost instantly, that she didn't think I'd be charging her and the cake would essentially be a wedding gift.

I told her that I don’t typically do wedding cakes as gifts because of how much time and work they take, but I’d be happy to buy her something from her registry instead or still make the cake at the discounted price if she wanted.

She wasn’t happy. Said I was being transactional and that it was just a cake and I clearly didn’t want to be part of her special day before hanging up on me. To be clear, I have made cakes for free before. But those were small, simple ones for people I care about, or for friends who were going through a rough time.

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This isn't that my SIL and her fiance can pay for the cake, and it's not like she's exactly respected my work in the past. Meanwhile, SIL has been telling anyone who will listen that I’m making her big day about myself and trying to “profit off her happiness.” Seriously.

My MIL called and she didn’t really ask how I felt or try to understand where I was coming from, she just seemed o**rwhelmed and kind of desperate to stop this from turning into a bigger family fight. She kept going on about how stressed my SIL was and how she was being a bit much,

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but basically begged me to reconsider. My wife is completely on my side and has told her mom to stop trying to smooth things over at my expense, but even she admitted she sorta wishes I’d just said yes to avoid the fallout.

Baking a wedding cake isn’t just whipping up batter—it’s a high-stakes performance where one wrong move can flop a couple’s big day. The OP’s refusal to work for free reflects a stand for her professional worth, especially against an SIL who belittles her craft. The SIL’s expectation of a free, elaborate cake reeks of entitlement, ignoring the time, skill, and costs involved. Meanwhile, the OP’s offer of a discount shows she’s willing to meet halfway.

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This scenario highlights broader issues of family dynamics and workplace respect. A Forbes article notes that family often undervalues home-based businesses, expecting free services. The OP’s SIL fits this pattern, her “jokes” masking disrespect. The pressure from her MIL to “keep the peace” risks enabling this behavior.

Business coach Amy Guttman, quoted in Forbes, advises, “Setting boundaries with family is about clarity and consistency.” The OP should calmly restate her policy—no free wedding cakes, but a discounted rate or registry gift is fair. If the SIL persists, declining the job entirely avoids further drama.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew rolled up their sleeves, serving a piping-hot batch of support with a sprinkle of sass. They’re cheering the OP’s backbone and roasting the SIL’s entitlement like a perfectly timed soufflé. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

FeedsBlackBats − I'm impressed you didn't send her a youtube link so she could learn to do it herself.. NTA

Well-Done22 − NTA. People have no idea how much time, effort and talent something like this takes. She de-values your work.. Stick to your guns. Let her say whatever she wants. The people who agree with her are uninformed.

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But most people will see that she's being ridiculous. Especially if you let them know how much money and time the cake she's asking for would take. If the other guests aren't paying at least that much money on the bride's wedding gift and spending at least that much time on the bride's wedding gift, they don't have a leg to stand on. Good luck.

gringaellie − NTA your SIL is being an entitled cheapskate. If you wouldn't normally gift her something as expensive as a cake, then don't gift her the cake.. Tell her to get quotes elsewhere.

Maverick_j2k − No. Tell her go play in her kitchen and watch on YouTube since that's what she says you do.

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frauleinsteve − at this point, do NOT do this cake even if she offers to pay. She is TROUBLE. NTA. Ignore her and anyone else who wants to discuss this. Good luck. Also, it's your wife's problem to deal with.....

Successful-Worker139 − Absolutely NTA. I am a baker. Do not undervalue your work. I've done some free and deeply discounteded wedding cakes when I was starting out, because I wanted to gain the experience and wasn't comfortable charging.

For very close friends and family, I will consider cakes a gift, but there's only one more on my list and then they'll all be charged.. The material cost alone is astronomical, let alone the time! . If she thinks it's so easy to learn off YouTube, she can bake her own damn cake.

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NefariousnessFresh24 − NTA - stand your ground. Your SIL is an entitled Bridezilla, who tries to emotionally blackmail and bully you, and is trying to get other people to join in. Don't let her. And don't ever do s**t 'for the sake of peace' or 'because it's family' - the people who try those lines on you, are the first to leave you hanging when you need them, because what they really mean to say is 'Be a doormat for me, now and forever'

FloMoJoeBlow − Let MIL pay for the cake.

Eastern_Condition863 − NTA. Sounds like you have a wife problem. Would you ask your wife to give what she does for a living out for free? Your wife also doesns't respect your business or consider what you do to be a serious career. Think about that. She would rather you lose out on money, time and energy so her brat sister gets her way.

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Also, what is your wife getting her sister as a gift? Is your cake supposed to count as her contribution to a gift as well? Either she's getting off scotch free, or she's expecting you to give a bigger gift than she would even give her sister herself.. Wife needs to shut down her family.... now. She needs to stand by you publicaly AND privately.

Glum_Reception_4478 − First, I have no idea how difficult it is to make a wedding cake, but from your description it sounds like she wants something super elaborate that would take a ton of time and effort for you. If her primary goal was to be under a certain budget, she should have led with that, and worked with you on something that would work for her wedding.

The expectation/entitlement is the problem. You’re NTA. I get the impulse from your MIL and wife to want to smooth things over by placating the bride to be, but every step of the way the bride was more and more of an a**hole.

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I think it’s time for your MIL and wife to gently but firmly suggest that the bride look elsewhere for her dream cake. At this point, you shouldn’t even make the cake even if she meets your quote. Not worth the headache if it’s not just perfect. And they’d probably ditch out on paying you anyway.

Redditors rallied behind the OP, urging her to hold firm and even suggesting a cheeky YouTube link for the SIL to DIY her cake. Some see the MIL’s pleas as enabling a bridezilla, while others question the wife’s wavering. But do these spicy takes capture the full recipe, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this cake clash has baked up a lively debate.

The OP’s stand is a masterclass in valuing her craft, proving family ties don’t trump professional boundaries. Her SIL’s meltdown might frost the family group chat, but respecting one’s work is worth the heat. What would you do if a relative demanded your skills for free? Share your stories and strategies—how do you keep family sweet without giving away the bakery?

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