AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?

Jonathan Hours
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The church bells hadn’t even rung, but the wedding was already off-key. At 31, she’d always been the “baby” of her Catholic family, a playful jab among siblings—until her brother’s fiancée, Emma, turned it into a grudge. Emma’s latest decree? Everyone, including this lapsed sister, must confess and take communion at the wedding, no exceptions. Polite but firm, she said no, sparking a showdown that got her uninvited. Now, her family’s caught between faith and fairness.

This isn’t just about a sacrament—it’s about respect and control. Emma’s push to enforce religious rites clashed with personal boundaries, leaving a sister questioning her place at her brother’s big day. Readers might feel her sting: weddings unite, but what happens when they divide? As the RSVP deadline looms, one question hums—when does saying “I do” mean saying “you must”?

‘AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?’

I (31F) have 3 siblings (40M, 38F, 27M) and we have a good relationship despite the age gaps between some of us. My older siblings are both married and so am I, the wedding in question is my younger brother's. My younger brother 'Luke' is engaged to his gf of a year 'Emma' (28F), she is nice I guess but we have never really clicked and are just polite to each other.

Something important is that we are all Catholic, but not really hardcore ones and some of us are even lapsed. I do believe this whole situation started just when I met her for the first time. I look younger than Luke and it has always been a sibling joke that I am truly the baby of the family, most people that meet us assume he is older than me but nobody has had issues with it until Emma.

The day I met her she kind of scoffed when I said I was happy the baby had a proper girlfriend, she has this weird thing about being the Eldest in her family and refused to believe I was older than her until I showed her my ID. She has been hot and cold with me since then, often infantilizing me or trying to have a sort of boss attitude.

I just let her be and usually ignore her since I have no time to try and beg for her friendship so I am just polite and civil, always include her when planning stuff but don't really make an effort. The family knows about it but we just shrugged it to different personalities. Then the wedding planning started. Emma decided I could not be in the wedding party since I was not married in a church, fine by me.

Then she requested that immediate family submits their dress plannings so she could check it fits the wedding dress code, fine whatever. You see where this is going I hope? You'll see I have not gone to confession or have communion in more than a decade, If I go to a mass for whatever reason I am respectful and simply sit or stay standing during the rites I don't participate on.

Well this is not good enough for her and she says I need to take communion during their wedding, I said no and she has not taken it well. For the most part I avoid her as I said before but this time I wasn't gonna say yes or risk an issue. I told her for taking communion one needs to go to confession and I didn't want to.

She said all immediate family is doing it and it will look bad if I don't, I told her sure fine, then I'll just go have communion in front of everybody but won't do confession. She said if this was gonna be my attitude I was uninvited from the wedding because I clearly wanted to ruin the day for her. I turned to my brother and told him 'thanks' gave him a thumbs up and went home.

My family understand my reasoning and said they respect everybody's choices but I shouldn't have said what I said. I told them I really don't want to go to the wedding anymore and I don't owe Emma explanations on my life. I only called my Grandma because she heard what happened and asked me not to disrespect the church by doing the communion without confession, I promised I wouldn't do it and she is fine with me now.

I got a text from my brother wanting to compromise so I replied by asking if the other lapsed people are being made to take confession too? He said no because it was only nuclear family members, I find it funny since all the others are clearly older than her and she just behaves like this with me and the youngsters. AITAH?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Weddings can feel like tightrope walks, balancing love and expectations. For the OP, Emma’s demand to confess and take communion twists a sacred moment into a test of loyalty. This clash isn’t just about religion—it’s about boundaries and respect in blended families.

Emma’s insistence on enforcing Catholic sacraments reflects a deeper need for control, especially since she targets the OP, who she’s long infantilized. The OP’s refusal to comply is less rebellion and more a stand for authenticity—she won’t fake faith for appearances. Meanwhile, Emma’s ultimatum to uninvite her risks alienating family, a move that could ripple through relationships long after the bouquet toss. Both women are digging in, but Emma’s rigidity overshadows the OP’s choice to honor her beliefs—or lack thereof.

This situation echoes broader issues of religious pressure in families. A 2019 Pew Research study found 28% of U.S. adults raised Catholic no longer identify with the faith, often citing personal choice over dogma (https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2019/10/17/in-u-s-decline-of-christianity-continues-at-rapid-pace/). For lapsed Catholics like the OP, participating in sacraments without conviction can feel like betraying integrity.

Dr. Elizabeth Drescher, a religion scholar, notes, “Rituals like communion are deeply personal. Forcing participation risks undermining their spiritual weight and breeds resentment” (https://www.ncronline.org/news/spirituality/why-catholics-leave-church). Here, Emma’s push for a uniform family display cheapens the sacrament’s meaning, turning it into a photo-op rather than a moment of faith. Drescher’s insight suggests the OP’s stance preserves the rite’s sincerity, even if it disrupts Emma’s vision.

For resolution, communication is key. The OP could calmly explain her position to her brother, emphasizing respect for his wedding without compromising her principles. Emma might benefit from reflecting on why control matters so much—perhaps insecurity about joining a tight-knit family fuels her demands. A neutral family member could mediate, ensuring the wedding celebrates love, not ultimatums. Readers, have you faced similar pressures? Share your thoughts below to keep this conversation going.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s peanut gallery didn’t hold back, serving up wit and wisdom with a side of shade. Here are the top takes from the AITA crowd—brace for some spicy opinions! These Reddit gems range from cheeky to heartfelt, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the drama flames?

Lucky-Effective-1564 − NTA Who died and made Emma Pope?. Edit: Thanks for the award!

Beautiful-Report58 − You should alert the Priest to her behavior. He will ensure that she stops with her actions. She cannot make rules that do not exist in the church. I would send a quick email to him and let her deal with the consequences of her own actions.

rose_unfurled − NTA, Emma's request is super-inappropriate and disrespectful towards her own religion.

mommacrossx3 − The priest needs to made aware of the updates. I can't imagine he'll be too happy with any of them.

2dogslife − Your brother really loves this girl who is insulting and throws shade on his family?. Wow. Just wow.. NTA

HairyBBWEnjoyer − She just sounds like she's being a bridezilla and it's mixing in with religion which has created a double whammy effect. Any time religion becomes part of the equation you can be certain things are going to be messy, complicated, and there will be no compromises. I don't think you were being the a**hole necessarily but I know I personally would feel hurt if my sibling allowed their spouse to step all over me like that.

Crafty_Special_7052 − And your brother really wants to marry this person?

Big_lt − NTA However demand an apology from her else you still won't go. I am an atheist but I have been requested to go to various religions ceremonies. I generally will just stand silently in the back and have a. Inner monologue of how dumb the s**t is.

This b**ch wanted to make your own decision her responsibility and she can go f**k off. Tell your brother you want it else you won't go and you want it to be sincere none of that garbage ba sorry and walk away crap.

New-Comment2668 − NTA. As one lapsed Catholic to another, may I suggest the following confession:

Jmfroggie − Nta. Not only does she NOT get to dictate how people believe and practice in their faith, she doesn’t get to do it to make a show of it. She’s mocking the family and the religion by requiring this. The Catholic Church doesn’t even require mass participants to be catholic, even when in a wedding held there- simply the bride and groom must be up to date in their sacraments. You just don’t take communion. It’s pretty damn simple.

My biggest issue with all of this is that your brother is allowing such disrespect to happen on his wedding day. By him not standing up to his future wife over something so weird as controlling his family, this sets a pretty dangerous precedent as to how he will be expected to behave in their marriage. If he can’t call BS on the simple stuff and make sure he is fully supported on his day too, what is the point of this marriage?

This wedding saga leaves us pondering: where’s the line between honoring tradition and respecting personal choice? The OP’s defiance might’ve saved her integrity, but it cost her a seat at the altar. Emma’s vision for a perfect day turned into a power struggle, proving weddings can expose more than just bad dance moves. What would you do if a family event pushed your boundaries? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this drama together!

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