Aitah for refusing to give my ex wife u supervised visitation?

When does a parent’s “change” earn back trust with their children’s safety on the line? One father shared on social media his refusal to grant his ex-wife unsupervised visits after years of infidelity, abuse exposure, and a single year of claimed reform.

She cheated with a violent ex, birthed his child, and let their kids witness domestic violence. Therapy and separation followed, but he insists one year proves nothing against a pattern of poor choices.

‘Aitah for refusing to give my ex wife u supervised visitation?’

The betrayal begins with discovering the affair and paternity issue.

Custody shifts after violence surfaces.

She seeks more access post-separation.

The standoff centers on proven danger versus professed growth. Past exposure to violence justifies caution. One year of stability challenges lifetime patterns. Children’s trauma lingers beyond parental intent.

He prioritizes irreversible harm prevention. She frames rights through personal evolution. Courts align with protection over optimism. Trust rebuilds through consistent actions, not declarations.

Child trauma specialist Dr. Bruce Perry asserts that “Safety is the foundation for all healthy development; repeated threats rewire young brains” (The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, 2006). This underscores the stakes. Brief reform cannot erase witnessed assaults.

Require court petition for any change with therapy progress reports. Document all interactions. Allow kids input via guardian ad litem at age-appropriate stages. Monitor her dating choices discreetly. Offer gradual increases only after multi-year proof. These safeguard without permanent closure.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Users unanimously backed the father’s protective stance. They dismissed one-year change as insufficient. Groups focused on child safety, skepticism of reform, and legal channels.

Most emphasized irreversible risk and trauma.

Several mocked her claims and urged court-only changes.

A few highlighted phrasing or side concerns.

Protecting children from proven threats trumps parental redemption arcs. Her history of prioritizing excitement over safety demands years of evidence, not months. Courts exist for such petitions precisely to filter sincerity. Kids’ stability outweighs adult convenience.

Would one year of therapy sway you after witnessed abuse? At what age should children choose contact with risky parents?