AITAH for refusing to attend my friend’s “man-free” wedding?

Weddings are supposed to be all about love and celebration, but toss in a “no men allowed” rule, and suddenly the vibe shifts from joyful to jaw-dropping. That’s the pickle one woman found herself in when her close friend Lisa sent out invites for her big day with Sophie, declaring it a strictly man-free zone. No brothers, no dads—just women, no exceptions. The OP, usually all in for her friend’s happiness, couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that excluding half the population felt more divisive than festive.

When she politely bowed out, the fallout was swift: Lisa called her unsupportive, and Sophie fired off texts about “internalized misogyny.” Now, with Reddit buzzing like a beehive, the question hangs heavy—is she wrong for standing by her gut? This tale of friendship and boundaries is one for the ages.

‘AITAH for refusing to attend my friend’s “man-free” wedding?’

English is not my first language, apologies for any mistakes. My (30F) friend

However, on the invitation it was noted that it's a

Apparently both him and his and Lisa's father are not invited (he doesn't know about Sophie's family but assumes it's the same with them) and he has no idea what prompted the rule, he says that at present it has (imo understandably) turned into a whole family dispute.

I think I wouldn't have gone anyway because not allowing the presence of any men at all just feels weird to me, but especially in light of the information I got from Lisa's brother I called her to say that I will be unfortunately unable to attend.

She asked me why and I tried to make up a good excuse, but I'm a s**tty liar so after she pressed me for a reason I told her the truth - that I think the no men rule is weird and I don't want to be involved in that. I did not tell her that I contacted her brother, just that I'm not a fan of events segregated by gender.

Lisa has told me that I'm not being a good friend to her because I'm not supportive of her an Sophie wanting their wedding to be fully centered on women. I told her that it would be centered on women anyway, considering that both of the people getting married are women.

She hung up and I have not heard from her since, but Sophie has been sending messages saying I have internalized misogyny. I personally think I behaved reasonably, but Lisa and Sophie evidently disagree, so am I the a**hole in this situation?

This wedding invite comes with a twist sharper than a bouquet toss—excluding all men feels like a statement, but what kind? The OP’s discomfort with the “man-free” rule isn’t about denying Lisa and Sophie their dream day; it’s about a gut check on segregation by gender. Lisa’s insistence that it’s about “centering women” clashes with the OP’s view that a same-sex wedding is already women-focused. Sophie’s “misogyny” jab? That’s just tossing fuel on a fire that didn’t need stoking.

From the OP’s side, opting out was about staying true to her values—gender-based bans feel arbitrary, especially when they exclude close family like Lisa’s dad and brother. Lisa and Sophie, meanwhile, might see the rule as a bold reclaiming of space, but freezing out loved ones risks alienating more than just the guest list. It’s a classic case of intentions versus impact, with hurt feelings all around.

For a path forward, the OP could send a kind note reaffirming her care for Lisa while standing firm on her choice—something like, “I love you, but I’m not comfortable with the setup.” Lisa and Sophie might reflect on whether their rule is worth the family rift; a compromise, like allowing close male relatives, could heal wounds. Open dialogue—minus the accusatory texts—would help. For readers, this raises a juicy question: where’s the line between personal freedom and collective harmony at a wedding? What would you do?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to this wedding brouhaha, dishing out takes hotter than a dance floor in July. Here’s what the community had to say about the man-free mandate—buckle up for some spicy opinions: These are Reddit’s rawest reactions, but do they cut to the core, or are they just throwing shade? One thing’s certain: folks aren’t shy about picking sides in this gender-jammed jam.

Hi_Im_Dadbot − NTA. That’s really f**king cringe and you’re correct not to be supporting something like that.

SlightMammoth1949 − NTA.. “I think the no men rule is weird and I don’t want to be involved in that” That is a statement in which you are the subject, not men. You don’t want to go because you’re uncomfortable. Simple as that. She’s accusing you of misogyny instead of accepting your own (feminine) decision.

[Reddit User] − NTA, if it's a hill she wants to die on the friendship isn't worth trying to save.

Equivalent-Bee-886 − NTA. I am a heterosexual male and have been married to my wife for 34 years. We have a diversity of friends and coworkers. I would not attend a male only wedding and my wife would not attend a female only wedding. There has to be mutual respect for everyone. It sounds like you friend is the one with an issue and not you.

50CentButInNickels − but Sophie has been sending messages saying I have internalized misogyny. It sounds more like she (and I say she here since she seems to be the mover and shaker more than Lisa) has externalized misandry.

chez2202 − NTA. I wouldn’t go either. I’ve heard of child free weddings but man free weddings? Not inviting your dad and brother? For you to have known her for several years and to also be on good terms with her brother means that you have obviously spent time with both of them and one of the siblings introduced you to the other so they are clearly on good terms with each other (prior to this anyway). Could this be Sophie’s choice? (Yes, I see what I did there.)

It’s not ok to discriminate against an entire gender. That being said, it’s their wedding and if they choose to alienate their family and friends then it’s up to them. But what they see as just a personal choice to celebrate women is not going to be seen that way by most of the people they know and they will need to accept that they are damaging their relationships with a lot of people who they might need future support from.

zgrizz − NTA. No one should feel guilt over choosing not to support hate. They are welcome to select any combination of guests they like, but no one should ever feel obligated to support exclusionism and sexism.

bluefurniture −

LuigiMPLS − NTA. Pretty rich saying you have internalized misogyny when they're the ones discriminating against a whole gender.

vibrant_algorithms − Haha yeah, NTA. I am IMO a hard core feminist, and to me that means advocating for equality amongst genders, not try to put men down to push women up... that's a horrible idea. This reminds me of a book series that I (and everyone that has read it) loves. Perhaps you'll know the one I speak of, but the young teenage Dragon Queen liberates all the slaves in a city, and is horror struck when later,

the previous slaves enslave the previous Masters. The wheel, huh? True feminism means not trying to put one gender down for another, celebrating all of us as humans and everything that makes us unique, of which gender is a small thing (but one to be celebrated no matter what the gender), and should not be considered much, if at all when considering the summation of a person.

These friends are going the wrong way to put it bluntly, and it's just going to create turmoil obviously, and pit gender against gender, which is so messed up. All genders are meant to live together in peace without putting each other down, same as all races, IMO. It's sad that some women think feminism means putting down men...

This wedding kerfuffle leaves us wondering: can a celebration of love accidentally exclude too much? The OP’s choice to skip the “man-free” event wasn’t about raining on Lisa and Sophie’s parade—it was about staying true to what feels right. Still, the fallout stings, with friendships on the line and accusations flying.

Weddings bring out big emotions, but maybe a little listening could mend this mess. What would you do if a friend’s big day came with a rule that rubbed you wrong? Share your thoughts below—have you ever had to navigate a tricky invite like this?

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