AITAH for not wanting to take on my adult sister when my mom passes?

Imagine a home where a mother with stage 4 COPD tirelessly cleans up after her 21-year-old daughter, whose days are spent gaming while her untrained dog leaves messes behind. For the older sister, living 10 hours away, the looming question of who’ll care for her sister—diagnosed with schizophrenia and severe social anxiety—when their mother passes is a heavy weight. Her refusal to take on that role has sparked guilt and debate, with friends calling her heartless. Reddit’s responses offer clarity and advice on this emotional family dilemma.

This story isn’t just about sibling duty—it’s a raw look at balancing personal limits with love for family amid mental health challenges. With no plan in place and time running short, the sister’s stance raises tough questions about responsibility and care. Let’s dive into her struggle and the Reddit community’s sharp insights.

‘AITAH for not wanting to take on my adult sister when my mom passes?’

Facing the prospect of caring for a sibling with severe mental health issues is a daunting crossroads, and this woman’s hesitation is understandable. Her sister’s dependence on their mother, coupled with minimal contribution to household tasks, suggests a complex mix of disability and possible enablement. The mother’s expectation that her older daughter take over ignores the sister’s own life and family, creating a clash between duty and personal boundaries.

This reflects a broader issue: family caregiving for adults with mental illness. A 2023 National Alliance on Mental Illness report notes that 60% of families with a mentally ill member face caregiving stress, often without support (NAMI). Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert, emphasizes, “Caregivers must set boundaries to avoid burnout” (PsychCentral). The sister’s refusal to take on lifelong care aligns with this, prioritizing her well-being while seeking alternatives.

The mother’s failure to secure disability or housing plans for her younger daughter heightens the crisis. Schizophrenia varies widely—some manage with support, others need extensive care. Reddit’s suggestion to pursue disability benefits aggressively is critical; denials are common but can be overturned with advocacy, per NAMI. Group homes or supported living programs, as mentioned online, could offer the sister independence without burdening family.

For solutions, the woman should encourage her mother to consult a mental health advocate now, exploring state programs or group homes. Helping research options, like those at SAMHSA, can ensure her sister’s future without direct caregiving. Readers can support loved ones by connecting them to resources like disability services or local mental health agencies. Proactive planning now can ease guilt and secure care for all.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit swooped in with a mix of empathy and tough love, dishing out practical tips and firm support. From urging disability appeals to warning against enabling dependency, the comments were a lively rally for boundaries:

These Redditors backed the sister’s stance, pushing for systemic solutions over family burden. Some saw the mother’s inaction as enablement, while others shared stories of similar struggles. But do their takes solve the core issue, or just vent the frustration?

This woman’s refusal to take on her sister’s care isn’t about abandonment—it’s about recognizing her limits while seeking a sustainable path. With her mother’s health fading and no plan in place, the urgency is real, but so is the need for boundaries. Reddit’s call for external support like disability benefits or group homes points to solutions beyond family sacrifice. What would you do if faced with a similar family expectation? Share your thoughts and advice below—let’s keep the conversation going.