AITAH for not wanting a baby girl so my MIL wouldn’t have the chance to name her?
Expecting a new addition to the family should be a time of joy and anticipation, yet sometimes the expectations of extended family can cast a long shadow over that happiness. In this post, a 28-year-old mom-to-be explains how the pressure from her mother-in-law to name her baby after her late daughter has led her to secretly hope for a boy.
After a difficult period—marked by the postponement of her wedding due to the tragic loss of her sister-in-law—the pressure from her husband’s side to have a daughter intensified. Despite the joy of being pregnant, she admits that the thought of a baby girl would be a constant reminder of her MIL’s unyielding expectations and emotional manipulation.
Now, with the delivery date approaching, she finds herself caught between respecting her in-laws and protecting her own mental well-being. Her husband fully supports her wishes, and together they have tried to set boundaries with her MIL. The question now looms: Is she the asshole for secretly wishing for a boy just to keep her MIL from imposing her own painful narrative?
‘AITAH for not wanting a baby girl so my MIL wouldn’t have the chance to name her?’
When family expectations begin to influence deeply personal decisions, it can create significant emotional strain. Dr. Laura Markham, a renowned clinical psychologist and author on family dynamics, notes, “Pregnancy is a profoundly personal experience, and any external pressure, especially from in-laws, can exacerbate stress during an already sensitive time.” She explains that while extended family members often have good intentions, their desires should never overshadow the parents’ autonomy over their child’s identity and naming.
Dr. Markham further elaborates, “It’s important for expecting parents to establish clear boundaries. When one party—such as a mother-in-law—attempts to impose a name or dictate aspects of the child’s identity, it can create a rift that lasts well into the future.” She advises couples to engage in open communication, “Discuss your wishes and expectations together as a united front, and if necessary, seek the help of a neutral third party, like a family therapist, to mediate these challenging conversations.”
By prioritizing their mental health and the future well-being of their family, Dr. Markham emphasizes that it’s not selfish to protect one’s emotional space—even if it means quietly wishing for a different outcome than what everyone else expects.
She also warns that unresolved issues can lead to long-term resentment. “When you allow someone else’s grief or expectations to dictate your choices, it can affect your overall happiness and the future dynamics of your family,” Dr. Markham adds. Ultimately, the decision on how to name your child or even what gender you hope for is a personal one, and no one should feel coerced into fulfilling another’s vision. As she succinctly puts it, “Your baby, your rules.”
Check out how the community responded:
Overall, the Reddit community is largely sympathetic to her situation. Many users praise her for standing up for herself during an emotionally fraught time. They note that while family traditions and memories are important, they should never force you into making decisions that compromise your mental health.
Some commenters argue that if her MIL’s expectations are so overbearing that they cause distress, it’s perfectly valid to wish for an outcome that protects your well-being. Others remind her that her husband is supportive, reinforcing that the decision to set boundaries is a healthy one. Although there are voices urging for compromise and closure with her in-laws, the prevailing sentiment is that protecting one’s emotional space is not only understandable but necessary.
This post brings up a delicate balance between respecting family traditions and safeguarding your own mental health. When extended family members, particularly in-laws, impose expectations that conflict with your personal wishes, how far should you go to assert your autonomy? Was it wrong for her to wish for a baby boy in order to avoid her MIL’s painful narrative?
While many applaud her for setting boundaries, it also raises questions about finding compassionate ways to address deep-rooted family expectations. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? How do you manage the fine line between family duty and personal happiness? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss the art of balancing tradition with self-care.
