AITAH for not rushing to to the hospital to see newborn grandson?

A new baby should bring joy, but for one grandma, it’s a whirlwind of hurt feelings. Fresh off a nasty virus, she opted to delay her hospital visit to her newborn grandson, only to face her daughter-in-law’s wrath for not rushing over with congratulations. As tensions boil over, even her son’s job hangs in the balance.

This family saga hums with raw emotion, from postpartum expectations to workplace strain. Can a grandma’s caution clash with a new mom’s needs without tearing the family apart?

‘AITAH for not rushing to to the hospital to see newborn grandson?’

My daughter in law is pissed. Saying it was hurtful and disrespectful that I did not immediately visit her newborn baby while she was still in the hospital. I had just come off of a 2 week respiratory virus with a horrible 2 week long cough. Which my son knew. Days later she gives birth.

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I didn’t speak directly to her because, well she just gave birth, I was texting my son, they sent pictures, I talked about how cute he was and about his hair. I asked my son if it was ok if I wait a week to visit, giving her time to settle and start to feel better. He said that’s fine. So here I am waiting to visit.

Come to find out her entire family is appalled that I didn’t rush to their side. Pissed that I didn’t immediately specifically say congratulations and ask if they need anything. I guess I assumed if they needed anything they would ask.. he has access to my credit card so he usually just buys what they need on me.

I can’t leave work or take a day off I am the only one that runs the office. They also live with her parents and grown sister who are always there helping so I didn’t feel she was abandoned in any way. She had the baby only 4 days ago! This is her second child. I’ve been at work all week and now she’s pissed and says they need space. Is this crazy hormones or AITAH?

Edit. Ok. So some of you feel that saying congratulations is extremely important…. But not sure why that means support. I am often unable to be physically present for them and they know this so I have supported them by supplying 2 vehicles, a steady job for my son with unlimited time off to care for his family and financial support whenever I can. I will see what I can do to foster a better relationship as well.. Thanks everyone. I will see what I can do.

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Update: she has since made him quit his job. I own an auto shop. He has worked for me as a service manger for 4 years. Basically helps me run it. It’s just me and him handling 3 techs. (Which is why I had to work -I have no days off when he is gone) I do not ask anything from him after work hours.

He’s upset that he has to quit. But apparently she made him choose working for me or her. I agree he has to choose her. He now has two babies he can’t lose. But damn. Make your husband quit his job after you just had a second baby because she needs more support and I didn’t say congratulations… I hope this is crazy hormones.

It goes on and on too. It’s been such a stressful week. 2 days after she had the baby. My 16 year olds school called me because he was having chest pains where he couldn’t breathe. (2 months ago had lung surgery for a collapsed lung that would not reflate.).

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I had to go get him. In the middle of the work day. While I had no help at the shop. Customers in the office .. my husband working across town in a factory where they don’t allow phones until break. I have no parents to call. I called him for help. I had an emergency. He couldn’t help. He said he couldn’t leave. No big deal. I called my sister 30 minutes away.

So left work with no one there the handle it and sat in an energy room for 6 hours. But then she told me that I have no right to ask him for help because he has a family to care for and she needs him more. So that pissed her off too.. me asking for help.. I didn’t originally add all this other stuff because that HAS to be just stress.. Omg.. after I write this out my life looks like a bad soap opera. 🤦‍♀️

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New babies spark joy, but they also ignite intense emotions, especially postpartum. The grandma’s choice to delay her visit, protecting her grandson from a virus, was prudent, but her DIL’s anger reveals a deeper communication gap. Not texting congratulations directly to her DIL, despite talking to her son, left room for misinterpretation as emotional distance.

Family therapist Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider notes, “Postpartum mothers often crave affirmation.” With 80% of new moms feeling heightened sensitivity, per parenting studies, the DIL’s reaction likely stems from unmet expectations. The grandma’s practical support—cars, credit cards—is generous but misses the verbal warmth new moms often need.

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This highlights postpartum communication challenges. Dr. Schneider advises, “Small gestures like a heartfelt text bridge gaps.” The grandma could apologize for the oversight, clarify her health concerns, and plan a warm visit.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit dove into this family drama like mechanics on a busted engine. Here’s their unfiltered take:

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CivMom − I would have been pissed if you had been recovering and exposed my new baby to the possibility of a lingering virus. But it's her baby and I would ask you son to calmly explain that you are very excited for her and trying to let her rest and making sure the baby doesn't get sick. Good luck!

Careless-Image-885 − Why isn't your son setting them all straight? Would they have preferred if you had passed on a virus that could have been life threatening to a newborn???. NTA

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Satan_von_Kitty − It makes sense not to visit so close after an illness. So NTA for that. But have you called to talk to her? Asked for pictures? Made it clear to her (not just your son) that you are excited for this new family addition and are thrilled to meet them next week. Because all her family is right there making it overwhelmingly obvious they're excitement for the baby your reasonable and logical physical distance might be interpreted as emotional distance.

Odd_Knowledge_2146 − I absolutely agree that you shouldn’t visit a newborn with any sort of infection. Absolutely NTA there. However I do have to question whether you bothered to congratulate them, on text, phone, or FaceTime?

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Because it doesn’t sound like you did. If you did not at the very least do that basic congratulations, despite being unable to visit I think you have made a mistake. You say you are “waiting to visit”, but not even saying something kind to the new mom is definitely going to be an issue going forward.

kingchik − I think it’s kinda crazy you never spoke to her, FaceTimed them with the baby, or anything like that. I get that you spoke to your son, but she just gave birth to your grandchild and you didn’t even think to call and see how she’s doing? Come on. You’re not the a**hole for not going right away, but you’re the a**hole for treating your DIL like an incubator for your son’s kid.

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Equivalent-Dig-7204 − Could you have called/congratulated and talked with her to explain you would like to wait a few days due to your health? Sounds like it’s coming off as you didn’t reach out at all.

Gab288 − NTA. Respiratory viruses can be very serious in newborns. Sounds like you were trying to be respectful and give her time to heal and adjust before visiting.. I would have really appreciated an in law like you when I’d just had my baby.

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Impossible_Nebula_33 − I mean nothing wrong with you not visiting when you have been sick you did absolutely nothing wrong there but why not just text the DIL saying congratulations, you didn’t ask for any pictures, no phone call to ask how it went. Do you and DIL not have each other’s numbers? That what I’m confused about. Perhaps your son never mentioned you were sick seems like there is a miscommunication.

sffood − Staying away because you are sick is the right thing to do. Not calling the daughter-in-law directly in this day and age when women have the phone next to them or in their hand even during labor… pretty lame.. In a comment above, you wrote: *”So.. it is the words she’s looking for. I am really bad at profuse sentimental words. I support them as best I can, I’ve bought them cars, they have my credit card.. but I’m terrible at words.

But this is not new information to her. They already have an almost 2 year old. I’ve never been good at speaking the sentiment.”*. So it’s not because you were at work. “Congratulations, Emma. So proud of you and I can’t wait to meet Amy!”….is not sentimental. It’s the bare minimum you could have at least texted as the grandmother…except you didn’t. Because “work.”. YTA.

Ashamed_Ad_4729 − NTA, but did she or her family know that you had discussed this with your son. it sounds like he might not have told how bad your illness was or that he thought it was ok to wait a week (which with a newborn was better due to lack of immunity).

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here’s where you might be TA. do you normally text or call your daughter in law ? it would have been very thoughtful to send her a congratulatory text or send flowers to the hospital with your regrets that illness kept you away. it sounds like you have a bad relationship with your DIL and if you want to fix, apologize.

These hot takes rev high, but do they miss the spark plug? Is the DIL’s anger hormonal, or is grandma too hands-off?

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This newborn saga shows how fast good intentions can stall family ties. The grandma’s health-driven delay clashed with her DIL’s postpartum needs, raising questions about support versus safety. What would you do if illness kept you from a loved one’s big moment? Drop your stories in the comments—let’s tune up this family mess!

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