AITAH for not mentioning I live below my means?

Picture a cozy basement suite, home to a woman and her loyal dog, where simplicity reigns despite a life-changing secret. For years, this 30-year-old teacher lived frugally, tending gardens and sharing dinners with an elderly couple who became family. When they left her their house, cars, and savings, she kept it quiet, content with her modest life. But when wedding invitations went out, her family’s jaws hit the floor—not at the venue’s charm, but at how she could afford it.

The fallout was swift and spicy: families fuming, invitations declined, and accusations of deception flying. This tale of inherited wealth and unspoken truths stirs up questions about financial privacy and family expectations. Why does her frugal lifestyle feel like a betrayal to those she loves? Let’s unpack this drama, where money talks louder than wedding bells.

‘AITAH for not mentioning I live below my means?’

For context, I (30F) have lived in the same basement suite since I was 19 (with my dog). I rented it from this lovely old couple and became very close with them. They treated me like family, and we helped each other out a lot over the years. They kept my rent super cheap, would constantly spoil my dog and take him for walks while I was at work, and always gave me leftovers or invited me for dinner.

I maintained the house and gardens, and helped them with everything elderly people might struggle with. When they passed away in a bus accident, I was VERY shocked to find out they left me everything. Their house, their cars, and their sizeable savings.

Fast forward to now. I’m getting married and my soon to be husband is aware of my circumstances… but I never told anyone else. I guess I didn’t know how to deal with it so I just ignored the entire situation and went on with life as I always have. My fiancé signed a prenup (it was his idea), and we started planning our wedding.

We had been living in my basement suite, with the upstairs rented out, but recently moved into the upstairs so we could grow our family (read get another dog). Well.. when we sent out the wedding invitations both our families freaked out. They couldn’t understand how we could afford to get married at the place we chose.

My fiancé just said we can afford it, we aren’t hurting for money by any means, and he isn’t sure why they think we are. His sister’s response was “you are a landscaper and a teacher, you should be poor” in a rather demeaning tone. Our families are LIVID that we never mentioned my inheritance, and are accusing us of living frugally to hide it.

We never lied, or tried to hide it… we just never said anything and never changed our simple life style. We just kept living the way we always had as we were perfectly happy doing so. They are literally so mad that they declined the wedding invitation.

The only people who will talk to us is his brother (who was like wait, do you guys own your house?! Can I move into the basement!?) and my dad who just wants to know when he gets a grandchild. AITAH for not telling anyone about my inheritance!?! Like is this actually such a huge offence, because we don’t get it.

Money and family can mix like oil and water, especially when secrets—intentional or not—come to light. This woman’s choice to keep her inheritance private, while continuing a frugal lifestyle, wasn’t deception; it was personal discretion. Her family’s outrage, however, reflects a deeper issue: unmet expectations. Financial planner Suze Orman notes, “Money doesn’t define your worth, but it can expose others’ assumptions” . The family’s assumption that a teacher and landscaper must be scraping by reveals their bias, not her fault.

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This scenario taps into a broader issue: financial privacy in families. A 2023 survey found 40% of Americans avoid discussing finances with family due to fear of judgment or entitlement . The couple’s frugality preserved their peace, but the family’s reaction—declining wedding invites—suggests jealousy or bruised egos. Their sense of betrayal stems from feeling “tricked” by her modest lifestyle, not from any harm done.

Orman advises, “Own your financial choices without apology.” The woman’s decision to maintain her lifestyle reflects contentment, not deceit. Her family’s demand for transparency ignores her right to privacy. Moving forward, she should calmly reaffirm her boundaries, perhaps explaining her values without disclosing specifics. A wealth advisor could help manage her inheritance long-term, ensuring financial security as she starts her family. Readers should consider: respecting others’ financial choices fosters trust, not resentment.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out support with a side of snark. They roasted the family’s meltdown and cheered the couple’s low-key vibes. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

peregrine_throw − NTA That they're not happy for you upon learning this, and are filled with jealousy and anger instead, just proves to you two being right about being low-key about it. No one's coming? Pack your bags, this calls for a destination wedding!

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Bring your father and BIL along! Don't let your wedding be about their drama-- it's about you two. Congratulations! PS: hope the prenup was overseen each by your own lawyers (his and yours), not just one for you both.

HellaHS − Unless you be asking them for money to pay bills then I don’t see how it’s any of their business lol.

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iamglory − NTA, they demonstrated perfectly why someone who has money (no matter how) don't want to tell anyone. So you are frugal with a sizable amount of money? What does that matter?! How they are taking this as an offense is beyond me

RegretOk194 − It's offensive because they looked down on you and felt superior. Now they feel tricked/deceived. Basically it's all on them. You did nothing wrong they just really aren't great people.

butterfly-garden − Don't worry, your family will 'forgive' you when they need money and will run to you with their hands out.

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Sensitive-Delay-8449 − Ooo weird dark thought on this… maybe 🤔 they wanted to be able to have to pay for some of your wedding so they can have some control and they realized oh they don’t need help paying for this so now we get zero say in anything…

Beatrix-the-floof − I think they are partly jealous and partly trying to think of all the ways you owe them or should’ve helped them. Don’t be surprised when the palm-up hand shows up- his brother is already doing it.

cweaties − NTA: and I must note that this is the first time that 'when do I get a grandchild?' question is the benign part of a situation. Congratulations on your engagement, best wished for your marriage, nice job being a great human, and if you don't have a good wealth advisor, I suggest you might look for one (after the wedding). You're doing great!

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EyesOpenBrainonFire − Wtf? Literally nobody’s business. Also, let them skip the wedding- more fun without assholes.

ChrisInBliss − Another time money ruins a family.. NTA it has nothing to do with them. You have just been living your life. (Also its super sweet of them to leave you everything. You must have been such a big help to them physically and mentally throughout the years.)

These Redditors hailed the couple’s humility but questioned the family’s motives. Are they just jealous, or is there more to their anger?

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This story reveals how money can twist family ties, turning joy into judgment. The woman’s choice to live simply, despite her wealth, was hers alone—yet it unleashed a storm of family resentment. It’s a reminder that financial privacy is a right, not a slight. How would you handle family expectations clashing with your personal choices? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced backlash for keeping financial matters private?

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