AITAH for not letting my bf buy his sister a book bag for school?

A 27-year-old mom is barely keeping things together with a 5-month-old baby when her boyfriend’s family adds more money stress. She’s drawing a hard line against him spending even $50 on a school backpack for his 10-year-old sister because every dollar counts right now.

The trouble started with much bigger asks—designer shoes worth hundreds—then scaled down to this backpack link after he said no. What makes it sting is that his mom, who’s been boasting about her husband’s great salary, seems to be the one encouraging the requests. It’s putting the couple’s tight budget under even more pressure.

‘AITAH for not letting my bf buy his sister a book bag for school?’

Things kicked off when the boyfriend’s sister texted him asking for two pairs of school shoes—one pair of Jordans for $300 and Adidas for $150. OP soon learned the girl’s mom had told her to reach out:

OP laid out their financial reality for her boyfriend, highlighting the baby and daily expenses, especially since his mom keeps telling everyone how well her husband is doing:

Having a newborn flips every financial decision into high stakes. When money is tight, spending on anyone outside the immediate household can spark serious conflict. Here, the boyfriend faces a classic pull between his new family and the one he grew up in—a situation many couples navigate when extended family expectations clash with reality.

Some might argue that helping a little sister is simply being a good brother, especially at age 10 when kids don’t fully understand budgets. Yet the pattern changes everything: the mom appears to be directing the requests and focusing on branded items rather than basics. That shifts the dynamic from innocent sibling help to something closer to shifting responsibility onto a son who now has his own child to support.

Relationship expert John Gottman points out in “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” that money fights are among the toughest because they touch deeper issues of power and trust. He writes: “Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships, especially when extended family is involved.” (Source: John Gottman Institute).

The healthiest path forward starts with the couple creating a shared budget that lists income, fixed bills, savings goals, and small personal allowances. Any gift to his sister could then come only from his allowance, keeping the family funds safe. He also needs a calm but firm conversation with his mom asking her to handle her children’s needs directly and stop routing requests through him. Over time, clear boundaries like these protect both the relationship and everyone’s peace.

See what others had to share with OP:

Almost everyone backed the young mom, agreeing she’s right to protect their limited money while raising a baby:

Plenty of commenters couldn’t believe a 10-year-old would need designer sneakers for everyday school wear:

Several people suggested gentler compromises while still stressing the need for a joint budget:

A few floated offering basic, low-cost items as goodwill without breaking the bank:

Sharp takes called out the unfairness of treating the boyfriend like a family ATM:

More thoughtful voices urged clearer boundaries and even professional help if needed:

Most online voices firmly support the mom for putting her baby and household budget first when money is tight. It’s a practical choice that plenty of new parents have to make.

Where do you draw the line with extended family requests offer a small basic gift to keep peace, or hold firm no matter what? Share your experiences below!