AITAH for not inviting my husbands side of the family to my twins second birthday?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a 27-year-old mom, meticulously planning her twins’ first birthday, only for her husband’s family to ditch it for flimsy reasons—a college game, a hair gig, a lakehouse weekend. Her attention-hogging sister-in-law (SIL), two months pregnant, tried to hijack the party for her baby shower, rallying the family to her cause. They skipped the twins’ day but sang a token birthday tune at SIL’s shower the next day. Hurt and fed up, the mom, backed by her husband, bans them from the twins’ second birthday, igniting a firestorm when her mother-in-law demands an invite.

This Reddit saga is a fiery clash of loyalty, favoritism, and parental pride. Was her exclusion petty, or a stand for her kids? It’s a story that crackles with betrayal, boundaries, and the fight for a child’s spotlight.

‘AITAH for not inviting my husbands side of the family to my twins second birthday?’

This Reddit post unveils a mother’s resolve to protect her twins’ special day. Here’s her story, raw and unfiltered:

My(F27) SIL(F 32) is very overbearing and has to be the center of attention. Which is fine most of the time I’m a very passive person who prefers to not be the center of attention. SIL has proven to make things about her on numerous occasions. She’s announced her pregnancy at my engagement party, shared she was moving to another state at her brothers graduation, and more little things to steal moments form others.

She seems to have the whole family wrapped around her little finger. Last year I was starting to plan my twins first birthday party. With her living out of state I asked her to let me know if she could make it on the date I had picked out. She confirmed and so I went on with planning. Flash forward to about a month before the party I sent out email invitations to their birthday party.

My husband and I then got bombarded with texts saying that every person on his side couldn’t make it. Including SIL. I was upset but even more so when we asked each person why. FIL and MIL are divorced and remarried so they each had different excuses. FIL said they had season tickets to a small local college game on that day.

It wasn’t a special game the day we were holding the party.. MIL who is a on the go barber said she had to do hair for a client that day.. My husband‘s godmother said she had plans at her Lakehouse that weekend. Finally SIL texted us back and told us that she could make it if we combined her baby shower with the twins first birthday.

She is about two months pregnant at this point.. I was confused because she had already said she could make it and had planned on making it. Then his side of the family started texting us about her idea. She told everyone that we were going to do it before we even agreed. I had spent months planning the boys first birthday I know it’s silly and that they’ll never remember their first birthday but it was special to us..

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Then suddenly everyone could come and move their plants around for this combined baby shower birthday party. I refused to combine their party with her baby shower you can take the attention away from me but you can’t take the attention away from my babies. That’s where I draw the line.

His whole family was angry and decided to go back to their original plans and not come to the boys first birthday and said we’ll celebrate another day. She planned her shower for the day after their party. So everyone came to her baby shower and at the end of it they sing happy birthday to the twins.

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I know it’s petty but this year I decided not to invite them to the twins birthday party. Their party is next month and my husband supports us not inviting them however my MIL asked us when their party was going to be. And I told her that they weren’t invited this year because of the way they disregarded my kids last year. She had a huge fit. So am I the a**hole to leave out his side of the family after they ditched my boys last year?

This family feud is a stark case of favoritism and boundary violations. The SIL’s pattern of stealing moments—announcing her pregnancy at an engagement party, moving news at a graduation—culminates in her attempt to merge her baby shower with the twins’ first birthday, a day sacred to the parents. The family’s flimsy excuses and swift pivot to SIL’s event show a clear hierarchy, dismissing the twins’ milestone. The mother’s decision to exclude them from the second birthday, supported by her husband, is a justified defense of her children’s worth, not pettiness.

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Family therapist Dr. John Townsend notes, “Favoritism fractures families; boundaries restore balance” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 64% of grandparent-grandchild tensions arise from perceived unequal treatment (Source). The MIL’s tantrum ignores their prior neglect, while SIL’s early shower timing suggests calculated drama.

The mother should maintain her stance, hosting a joyful party without the in-laws, but consider a separate family talk to address favoritism, perhaps with a mediator. “Clarity heals,” Townsend advises. The husband must reinforce that his kids come first. The in-laws need to acknowledge their snub and prioritize the twins to rebuild trust.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit roared with takes as bold as a birthday candle. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

astropastrogirl − NTA and boy I do wish I could have seen her face.

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Mad_Lemur18 − NTA. They made their bed now they can lie in it. All of them specifically chose not to come to your kiddos party and they are making it very obvious that they have a favorite in the family. Have a fun birthday with your kids and let your husband's side of the family deal with the consequences of their actions.

If they wanted to be in the twins life they would make the time and they can also deal with the consequences of their actions when they miss out on the opportunities to make cherished memories with your kids.

Juiceb0x_ − NTA. What the absolute hell is wrong with her? Ugh.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. If things went as you said then I probably would have done the same.. No need to invite the drama. Literally. If husband is onboard I see no ethical dilemma in simply leaving them out. If they take their time out well they may just be invited next time.

Playfu1522 − NTA! As a mother you have to protect your children and this is protecting your children. The family who empowers the entitled aunt shouldn't be in their lives making them feel like they're not as good as someone else and making their confidence shrink. you're a good mom you want to make your children happy and make one day special and all about them kudos.

criticalgraffiti − NTA. Your husbands family sounds awful. None of those reasons are legit to miss their grandchildren’s first birthday. They sound like they just don’t care. Also who has a baby shower in their 2nd month?! So many things can go wrong. In my culture, there’s a superstition to not buy anything for a baby until the last trimester.

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yovakcans − NTA. People treat you how you let them. By not inviting this year you are saying prior years petty behaviour is not acceptable. Unfortunately this could be an ongoing issue, but they sound dramatic so maybe a good thing.

RedSAuthor − NTA. Your SIL is a huge TA, and everyone who is enabling her is also TA. When your MIL asked about the birthday, you should have told her to ask your SIL since she always has something overlapping (and they would choose SIL anyway).. On the bright side, your husband is a keeper. Have fun with your two-year-olds, and give them a blast for their birthday! Oh, don't forget to take lots of pictures and post them on social media. 

barlynn − Nta I'd tell her that they won't see the kids until the kids come first for any event and sil stops demanding attention. I'd tell her prepare for the brat she let sil create because sil is bound to make sure the child ruins everything for the twins and you won't have them around the twins. If she does it for herself she'll do it with her child.

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psikitico − NTA, even your husband agrees with you.. Your family is your kids and husband and anyone who cares to be around.

These Reddit opinions are as sharp as a party streamer, but do they miss the MIL’s perspective on family unity.

This story is a fierce blend of love, hurt, and hard lines. The mother’s ban on her in-laws from her twins’ second birthday guards their joy but deepens the family rift. Could a candid talk or conditional invite mend ties, or is distance the only fix? What would you do if family snubbed your kids’ big day? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to block out drama to protect a celebration?

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