AITAH for not going out to eat to celebrate my brothers wedding when I wasn’t even invited to his wedding?
Family celebrations can sometimes magnify old wounds—especially when you feel excluded from an important event. In this case, a 19‑year‑old brother explains that he wasn’t invited to his own brother’s wedding due to his age, with the excuse that the wedding was for those 21 and over because alcohol would be served.
Feeling hurt by this decision and after repeated refusals to be reconsidered, he chose not to attend the family dinner meant to celebrate the wedding. His reason was simple: why should he celebrate an occasion to which he wasn’t invited? While his parents are divided on the matter, his perspective raises an important question about loyalty, fairness, and whether celebrating an event that excluded you is something you really want to do.
‘AITAH for not going out to eat to celebrate my brothers wedding when I wasn’t even invited to his wedding?’
Dr. Alicia Monroe, a family therapist with expertise in sibling and intergenerational conflicts, explains, “When one family member is excluded from a significant event, particularly under conditions that feel unjust, it can lead to long-lasting feelings of alienation and resentment. It’s important to validate those feelings rather than dismiss them as mere immaturity.”
Dr. Monroe further notes that exclusion can be especially painful when it seems to be based on arbitrary or superficial criteria, such as age or assumptions about behavior. “In cases like this, it’s not merely about the act of being uninvited—it’s about the implicit message that one is not valued as part of the family. This can create deep emotional wounds that might affect future family dynamics,” she explains.
She advises that family members should engage in honest, empathetic conversations about how exclusion impacts everyone involved, rather than expecting forced participation in celebrations that only serve to highlight the hurt. “A healthy family environment is built on mutual respect and validation. If one person’s feelings are continuously overlooked, it can lead to an erosion of trust and belonging,” Dr. Monroe adds.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s decision. Many commenters expressed their outrage at the notion that an 18-year-old would be considered too immature to attend a wedding where alcohol is served. They criticized his brother and his wife for what they see as an insensitive and arbitrary rule that not only hurt the OP’s feelings but also disrupted family unity.
A common sentiment is that if his brother truly wanted him to be part of the celebration, exceptions should have been made, or at the very least, a more respectful conversation should have taken place. Several users highlighted that family celebrations should be inclusive, and that excluding a sibling over a technicality is a red flag for deeper issues within the family.
In conclusion, the OP’s decision to skip the celebratory dinner stems from a genuine feeling of exclusion and betrayal—emotions that are valid when one is deliberately left out of an important family event. This situation forces us to reflect on the meaning of family inclusion and the potential long-term impact of seemingly minor decisions. While some might argue that he should overlook the slight and join the celebration, others believe that his feelings are justified and deserve acknowledgment.
What do you think—should family events be a platform for unconditional inclusion, or is it acceptable to set boundaries based on how one is treated? Have you ever been excluded from a family event, and how did you handle it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
