Aitah for “making” my sister’s husband attracted to me?

A 29-year-old woman found herself in a family mess when she acted as a surrogate for her sister. The seemingly innocent act led to accusations and blocked communication, leaving her questioning her choice. Ironically, her sister’s husband’s strange behavior sparked a wave of criticism, with her sister criticizing her. The complexities of surrogacy in families, where emotions run high and boundaries blur.

The situation also raises questions about trust, loyalty, and how far family relationships can go before they collapse. Social media users have offered a range of views, from passionate support to practical advice. Let’s break down this troubling story, explore the community’s reactions, and hear what experts have to say about how to handle such delicate situations.

‘Aitah for “making” my sister’s husband attracted to me?’

The woman, at 29, stepped up to be a surrogate for her 37-year-old sister and her 35-year-old husband. Here’s how it all began:

So, I'm 29f and my sister is 37f and her husband is 35m. I'm their surrogate. We used my egg and his sperm. No we did not have s__.

As the pregnancy progressed, tensions started to brew, especially during a family event.

So onto the story I'm 4 months pregnant and during this pregnancy, my sister has come to my place almost everyday, since I found out I was pregnant, as she's...

She has been very c__ngy this whole pregnancy, and so has her husband. So last week was her daughter's birthday party, and I went over early to help get ready...

Things took a strange turn when the sister left the party briefly, leaving the woman alone with her brother-in-law.

My sister left to go get the cake, and while she was gone he kept complimenting me and kept getting closer to me, which felt weird so I had asked...

Instead of resolving the issue, the sister turned the tables, leading to a heated fallout.

So a few days later she said that it was my fault he was getting closer to me as I've been "tempting" him with me acting nicer and trying to...

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and the way I carry myself I told her the only reason I'm talking to him more is because and trying to be a little more friendly than I normally...

She didn't believe me and told me I was trying to steal her husband away from her and saying that im the reason hes attracted to me, so now she's...

The situation is a textbook case of tangled emotions in family surrogacy. The woman’s role as a surrogate, especially using her egg, creates a unique dynamic that can amplify insecurities. The husband’s behavior, while inappropriate, may stem from complex feelings about the pregnancy, but the sister’s reaction—blaming her—points to deeper trust issues. What makes it even more complicated is the sister’s decision to block communication, which could jeopardize the surrogacy process.

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Dr. Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist, notes, “Surrogacy within families can stir up intense emotions, especially when boundaries aren’t clearly defined” (source: Psychology Today). The sister’s insecurity, possibly tied to her infertility or the couple’s adoption history, may have fueled her accusations. Meanwhile, the husband’s actions suggest a lack of respect for boundaries, putting the woman in an unfair position.

At the same time, the woman’s attempt to maintain peace by being friendlier may have been misread. Socially, surrogacy often carries unspoken expectations, and family dynamics can magnify misunderstandings. The sister’s friends piling on only escalates the drama, creating a toxic environment for someone doing a selfless act.

To move forward, clear communication and legal boundaries are crucial. Consulting a lawyer to clarify the surrogacy agreement, as some users suggested, could protect all parties. The woman deserves support, not blame, for her role in this delicate process.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The social media crowd didn’t hold back, offering a range of perspectives with passion and wit. Let’s dive into what they had to say.

Some users were quick to defend the woman, calling out the sister’s misplaced blame and the husband’s creepy behavior.

Rainbowbright31 − I would tell your sister to call off her flying monkeys because you definitely do not need to be listening to s__t from her "friends",

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also tell her she is deluded to think you want her husband because a man who creeps on his wife's sister who is doing them the biggest kindness there is,...

Then send her a link to this thread and tell her to seek help or you will send the link to her friends too because you have zero intention of...

BeachinLife1 − Yeah, that's what he told her after she confronted him with the behavior YOU told her about. Ask her this. ..if you were trying to "steal her husband,"...

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Others focused on setting boundaries and protecting the woman’s well-being during the surrogacy.

9smalltowngirl − NTA why family should NOT be a surrogate. You need to set up boundaries with them both. He’s creeping and she’s insecure. They need marriage counseling now. They...

At this rate they’ll be divorced and none of you will have a relationship. Distance yourself and tell them both they need to get their marriage back on track before...

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dandy_ahole23 − Reading this, I wondered if he's attracted to you now you are (excuse the term) 'growing his seed' which some men expecting babies are really in to It's...

she's blindly believing her husband without discussing it with you first since this could cause problems with surrogacy. I hope you can work this out together. Good luck! Oh and...

Hachiko75 − She blocked the person carrying her kid? What a peach. Oh wait. ..she probably doesn't see the baby as hers since her egg wasn't used. Yikes. That's not...

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Some users dug into possible reasons behind the husband’s and sister’s actions, offering intriguing angles.

wlfwrtr − NTA Sister can't handle the fact that he's probably formed an attraction to you because you're able to carry his baby. Another reason not to be surrogate for...

slashfan93 − That’s gross! Especially since you’re doing them a favour. He sounds perverted. Probably takes joy in the fact you’re carrying his seed. Consider whether you want to put...

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Consult an attorney now and have them draft a letter clarifying their intentions for the baby since they blocked you.

Have them put in writing they are taking custody or have the husband sign off his rights and you can decide if are going to raise the baby or place...

One user emphasized the need for legal protection, given the escalating family tension.

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GoodNoodleNick − NTA I'm guessing that your sister can't have children herself. That is the root of her reaction. She feels insecure and her husband is probably making it much...

I really don't know the best advice to give but I think you need to have a long conversation with your sister in person. Maybe multiple before she really gets...

humorless_kskid − NTA. Do you have a written surrogacy agreement with Sister and BIL? Consult any attorney about your legal rights and obligations, including options for 3d party adoption if...

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Let her know (1) that you have no interest in BIL and will go NC with him until the baby is born; (2) that Sister's friends' abuse is bad for...

Remind her you agreed to be her surrogate (at Sister's request/suggestion? ???) because of your love for HER, not any care for BIL. If, however, you are harassed by her...

This surrogacy saga reveals how quickly trust can unravel when boundaries blur. The woman’s selfless act turned into a battleground of accusations, with her sister’s insecurities and her husband’s behavior creating a perfect storm. The community largely supports her, pointing out the unfairness of the blame and urging legal and emotional boundaries to safeguard her well-being.

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What would you do in her shoes? Should she try to mend things with her sister, or is going no-contact the safer bet? How can families navigate surrogacy without letting emotions derail the process? Share your thoughts below!

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