AITAH For Letting My Husband “Learn His Lesson” When He Got Sick?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In every relationship, differences in habits and concerns can lead to moments of tension. For one 37-year-old woman, her lifelong obsession with food safety—rooted in her experience working in restaurants and childhood memories of getting sick—has often clashed with her husband’s more laid-back approach. When her husband, 36, who recently started learning to cook, disregarded her warnings about a suspicious condiment, the inevitable happened: he got food poisoning. Despite her previous gentle reminders, his decision to ignore her advice led to a very unpleasant bout of sickness.

After recovering from his illness, instead of offering gratitude for her concern, her husband’s cavalier attitude triggered a sharp “I told you so” moment. In her frustration, she bluntly told him he got what he deserved for not listening to her. Now, an argument ensued—raising the question: Is she the asshole for telling him it serves him right, or should he have known better?

‘AITA for telling my husband it serves him right when he got food poisoning after not listening to me?’

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

An argument follows. His points: he checked the expiration date (fine); he smelled it first (fine); him getting sick was a fluke, everything worked out, and I'm being an AH for acting like I knew it would get him sick. My point: I WAS RIGHT. Now we're at a stalemate; if y'all think I was the AH for kicking him while he was still 10% down, then I promise to apologize. Otherwise, I'm sticking to my guns.

Relationship and communication experts emphasize that conflicts like this often arise from differing priorities and communication styles. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes that “effective communication is less about reading your partner’s mind and more about expressing needs clearly and respectfully.” In this case, while the OP’s intentions were rooted in genuine care, her delivery—laden with an “I told you so” attitude—may have felt dismissive to her husband, especially after he experienced an unpleasant physical reaction.

Meanwhile, family therapist Dr. Karen Smith adds, “When one partner consistently raises concerns based on past experiences, it’s important to address them calmly rather than letting frustration boil over into hurtful comments.” Her perspective suggests that while the OP’s expertise and concern about food safety are valid, timing and tone are key. A supportive dialogue about how to handle future grocery dilemmas might have defused the situation without triggering feelings of humiliation or resentment.

Dr. Michael Ruiz, another expert in interpersonal dynamics, explains that “persistent reminders—even if well-intentioned—can sometimes be perceived as nagging, which can undermine a partner’s sense of autonomy and judgment.” According to him, finding a balance between offering care and respecting the other’s decisions is crucial, especially in situations where health is involved.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. Many Redditors sympathize with her stance, saying that if he ignored repeated warnings and got sick as a result, a modest “I told you so” isn’t entirely out of line. However, others argue that rubbing it in while he’s recovering is insensitive, noting that once someone is ill, they need care and understanding, not further criticism. The overall consensus seems mixed, with some calling her reaction justified and others suggesting that a little more empathy could have gone a long way.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

and only cooking what you tell him is safe as well. If your assessment was broadly lining up with consensus (you can't wash food with bleach, you can't leave raw meat on the counter all day and then expect to serve it for dinner, that sort of thing) I'd say you're within your rights to insist that shared meals at least get cooked to serve safe standards. But you haven't indicated that, and your fear is your own responsibility to manage, not his.

In conclusion, this incident highlights the complex dynamics of communication in relationships, especially when past experiences shape how we perceive risk. While the OP’s food safety concerns are understandable given her background, the delivery of her message—“I told you so”—may have added unnecessary hurt to an already uncomfortable situation.

Was it fair for her to point out his mistake so bluntly after he got sick, or should she have chosen a gentler approach given the circumstances? What do you think—should we hold our partners accountable even when it means coming off as a bit abrasive, or is empathy the better route when someone is unwell? Share your thoughts and join the discussion.

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