AITAH for leaving my husband who is “obsessed” with me?

What happens when intense “obsession” masks verbal abuse fueled by addiction? Many women in long marriages grapple with distinguishing deep love from controlling dependency, especially when alcohol reveals a darker side.

This mid-40s woman endured years of her husband’s drunken rants targeting her, despite his sober devotion and claims of not remembering his words. Choosing to leave prompted criticism from those calling his fixation true love—leaving her questioning if escaping made her ungrateful.

‘AITAH for leaving my husband who is “obsessed” with me?’

The relationship has deep roots with signs of intense attachment.

The drinking reveals a pattern of aggression focused on her.

She reached a breaking point and faced external judgment.

The dynamic blends codependency with alcohol-fueled verbal abuse. Intense attachment manifests soberly as devotion, yet drinking unleashes targeted aggression minimized upon sobriety. Denial of full responsibility perpetuates the cycle.

Both endure pain. She absorbs harm to shield children, eroding self-worth. He clings possessively, using substance as excuse while avoiding accountability. External voices romanticize obsession, isolating her further.

Addiction specialist Dr. Gabor Maté explains that “Trauma and addiction often intertwine, with substances numbing pain but unleashing suppressed rage” (from In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts). True recovery requires ownership.

Prioritize safety planning with professionals. Attend Al-Anon for support. Document incidents for legal protection. Seek therapy addressing enmeshment versus healthy love.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Social media users strongly validated the wife’s decision to leave in this abuse and obsession story. They rejected romanticizing the behavior as love.

Most declared her not the asshole, labeling it abuse and urging escape.

Several unpacked the unhealthy patterns and external pressure.

One raised concerns about the relationship’s origins.

This “obsession” story reveals how abuse hides behind intense attachment when addiction fuels cruelty. Love lifts partners up, never tears them down repeatedly. Leaving protects future peace, regardless of others romanticizing dysfunction.

Would you stay with someone whose “love” includes regular verbal attacks when drinking? When does devotion cross into dangerous dependency?