AITAH for leaving my husband for him and his parents rude behavior?

Step into a Texas dinner scene where tension simmers hotter than the chili on the table. A 25-year-old Korean woman, reeling from her mother’s cancer diagnosis, faces her Mexican-American in-laws’ relentless disrespect—mocking her culture, stiffing waiters, and ignoring her grief. When her husband brands her the rude one, she packs her bags for Korea, choosing her mom over misery. Was her exit an overreaction? Reddit and experts unpack this clash of cultures and compassion.

Her in-laws’ insensitivity and her husband’s excuses pushed her to the edge. This story of boundaries and betrayal pulls us into a debate about family, respect, and priorities. Let’s dive into the details, community reactions, and expert insights.

‘AITAH for leaving my husband for him and his parents rude behavior?’

I 25 F have been married to 24 M for 4 years. The first two years of our marriage, we were stationed in North Carolina but have since moved to Texas where his family lives. Since moving to Texas, I’ve gotten to know my in laws and what I know, is that they are all disrespectful. All of them, almost as if it’s hereditary.. Here a few a examples:

-I’m Korean and my husbands family is Mexican. My sister in law tried bulgogi, which is beef marinated in a sweet sauce and gagged in front of me when she took a bite of it, spitting it out and complaining that she didn’t expect it to taste like that.

-Every time we go out to eat, my in laws will run the waiters back and forth asking for special requests and refills, but if they don’t like the food or they forget one item that they ordered, they will literally tip the waiter change from our of their pocket. I’m talking $5 on a $120 bill, even if their service was amazing.

-If we go into a store or go to the gym and it’s about to close, they will be the last people to leave. And not last, as in they close at 9PM and they’re leaving at 9PM. Last as in they close at 9PM and were barely walking out the door at 9:15

Every time an instance like this happens, my husband and I get into it. They usually end with my husband making excuses like that’s the just the way my family is or I don’t care what other people think and neither should you. My last straw was when my mother was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer.

I flew back to my home in Korea to take care of her for a while when she was getting her chemo. I stayed for 2 weeks before needing to go back to my home in Texas for work obligations and can you guess who never once reached out to me the whole time I was there? Yup, my in laws.

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Not once did I receive any call or text message, not even when I came back did the topic of my mom come up. My husband told me he told them about my mom, so I don’t understand why no one could have just checked up on me or at least called my mom. The next time we saw my in laws, was the next day I came back from Korea.

They were over for dinner . I waited to see what they were gonna talk about, and as they continued discussing what cows they wanted to buy, I left to the room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. When they left , my husband angrily confronted me, telling me how disrespectful I was.

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I honestly didn’t even have it in me anymore to fight. I just packed my bags and booked the next flight to Korea. All my husbands and in-laws messages and phone calls are being ignored because I just cannot stand THEIR disrespectful behavior.

And to hear my husband calling ME disrespectful was enough. Maybe I’m overreacting, but honestly, this behavior is exhausting. I deal with it every time we go out and I’m done. I don’t want to be surrounded by people like this and I’d rather focus my attention on my mom. Am I the a**hole?

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This woman’s flight to Korea was a stand against a barrage of disrespect from her in-laws and husband. Their failure to acknowledge her mother’s illness underscores a lack of empathy. Dr. John Kim, a therapist specializing in intercultural relationships, notes, “Cultural respect is foundational for family harmony.” Her in-laws’ mockery of bulgogi and dismissive attitude toward her grief highlight a deeper cultural disconnect, straining her marriage.

The in-laws’ behavior—mistreating service workers and ignoring closing times—reflects a broader issue: entitlement in social interactions. Studies show 70% of intercultural marriages face challenges from family insensitivity, amplifying emotional tolls during crises like illness. Her husband’s defense of his family over her pain deepened the rift.

Kim’s work emphasizes open dialogue to bridge cultural gaps. A family meeting or therapy could clarify expectations, but her priority now is her mother.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s serving up a fiery “NTA” with a side of sass. Here’s their bold take:

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RewardHungry2419 - First, beef bulgogi is delicious. Second, it seems like your resentment and frustration had been steadily increasing over time. You expressed your frustration, nothing changed or excuses were made. Their reaction to your mom’s diagnosis is the straw that broke the camel’s back. How was your husband when you went to Korea for two weeks?. NTA

everellie - Sometimes the little things add up and become big things. Your husband calling you disrespectful is NOT COOL. Go take care of your mom. Just also be aware that any debt your husband incurs while you are still married is half yours according to US law.

So you may want some kind of legal separation or divorce filed to prevent him trying to stick you with some crappy credit card debt.. NTA for having standards around behavior. And for tipping adequately--that's just human decency. I wish more people did.

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Maximum-Dealer-6208 - Well... at least this trip, they are reaching out to you... /s. I would answer all their stupid messages with a group text: 'My mom is doing ok, thanks for asking.'. Every time.

Logical_Discussion_9 - NTA, husband should be more supportive or make an effort to encourage his family to be more amicable and less of however they want to describe themselves. Honestly sounds like a drain and I would suggest divorce asap. This is one of those opportunities where you get to choose your family and it ain’t them.

eclecticsed - *Who the f**k doesn't like bulgogi.* Honestly, NTA at all, they're clearly the kind of people who can dish it out but can't take it. They want to not care what anyone else thinks of how they act, but then they get their panties in a twist over you leaving the room?

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What entitled children  And the person telling you that you're overreacting is out of their mind, you have every right to be fed up with their behavior and refuse to tolerate it, you've put up with it for long enough as it is

and you've made efforts to find some kind of middle ground by speaking to (and eventually arguing with) your husband. None of them have displayed any respect for you or your feelings, including him. Why would you want to stick around for that?. Also I hope your mother is doing better.

PatchEnd - NTA GIRL RUN, STAY GONE, GO TO KOREA, DON'T COME BACK!!! get the hell away from those people baby! divorce him before you have kids. you DO NOT want to have to raise a kid with these people around.. and on the food side.....THEY ARE F**KING CAVEMEN! BULGOGI IS LIFE!

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[Reddit User] - OP, I see you…👀 I have been dealing with insensitive in-laws for 13+ years who don’t give a s**t about anything going on in your life, unless you are a blood relative. I became numb to it after a while but the absolute final straw was when my mom died recently and NOT ONE of my in-laws, or step kids came to her memorial.

On top of that, my FIL was visiting from Florida and never even acknowledged my moms passing. I was f**king livid and hurt. This was the last straw and I have since told my husband to not expect me to expend an ounce of effort on his kids or any other family during the holidays or any other time for the unforeseen future.

I’ve gone NC with all of them and it feels amazing. The exception of the family is truly my husband. He’s kind, loving and the nicest person I’ve ever known. How he came from that selfish mess, I’ll never know 🤷🏼‍♀️BTW: He supports the NC 110%!

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TheUglyDuckling35 - NTA. Everyone wants support in such situation. Your in-laws are insensitive, agreed, but the main culprit in this scenario is your husband. He knew what you are going through emotionally, and still was expecting you to regulate your emotions and be a good DIL, and had the audacity to be angry about it.

Ask your husband, if the tables were turned, would he have been okay with your parents ignoring him and talking about buying cows when they knew his mum was sick? Would he have sat through the whole dinner pretending everything is fine?

FartWatcher - NTA. Cut your losses and move on.

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Kampfzwerg0 - Doesn’t your husband understand you at all? Is he like them?

These opinions cut deep, but do they miss nuances? Reddit’s a lively arena—let’s see if they hit the mark.

This tale weaves a web of cultural disrespect and emotional neglect. The woman’s choice to leave was a reclaiming of her dignity, but was it the only path? Her husband’s blind spot for his family’s behavior stings. What would you do if in-laws ignored your pain and your partner took their side? Share your stories—how do you handle family disrespect?

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